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When should I tell them?

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I have a 3.5 and 1 yr old. Some of you may already know some of my story. When should I tell my boys about their older brother? I know they are still young..especially the baby. I don't want to keep this from them. I want them to know they have a brother out there. Thanks ladies.
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by on Oct. 19, 2012 at 10:34 PM
Replies (11-16):
ZakkarysMom
by Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:13 PM
Thats what I have been thinking..that if I dont tell them..later on they will be angry with me. I have already shown them a picture of him. My 1 yr smiles at the picture. My 3 yr old thinks its him. lol I told him that is his older brother and he lives with another family.


Quoting vampporcupine:

I did not tell my 2 raised daughters until a year or two after my electronic reunion. They were 14 and 15. This did not go well and I am not able to even speak about my lost daughter around them. This is 2 years later.

This was not my choice but the choice of my husband as he didn't want our girls to know their mother was "promiscuous" (his words). I wasn't, this was my first sexual experience and I later married then divorced the father. If I had had my choice it would have been before even conscious memory for them. I would have shown them her picture and left it up in plain view.

Secrets destroy.

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ZakkarysMom
by Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:15 PM
3 moms liked this
And i have decided to talk about him often. Im going to bring out more pictures of him and share them with my boys. I have his pictures, baby stuff, etc in a box currently.
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Fab74
by Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:50 PM

I told my daughter about her sister for the first time when she was 4. She didn't understand or even register much of what I was talking about then but I wanted it to be a part of her life as she was growing up. There were enough secrets in my life, I didn't want this for her as well. 

We were fortunate enough to hear from my first daughter nearly two years ago when she was 15 and my second was 5, a year after I started talking to her about it, and they have loved each other tremendously since they've known about one another. We have yet to physically reunite but the bond is there for life, I can see it, and I couldn't be happier for them.

My second does has a ton of a questions at times althought it's pretty sporadic. Talking to her about adoption and why it had to happen has been easier than initially anticipated. I love Vikki's idea of making it as common as continuing to keep the memory of family members who have passed on alive through pictures and any other items you may have. As Vamp has said, we all know too well secrets do destroy so don't let it happen to you and your family.

The sooner the better.

:)

Lorsons86
by New Member on Oct. 29, 2012 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I talk about my oldest often - to everyone.  It's natural to me.  When I talk of my pregnancies, I include stories about being pregnant with her and when I talk about babies I include the memories I have of the 2.5 months I had her with me.  We have cake on her birthday every year and the few pictures I have I share with everyone, especially the kids that I have at home.  I can't tell you what's right for you but this is what's always felt right for me.  Good luck hun!

MommaPeyton
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this
My son is 3. He knows some of the story. Like he knows Allie and Eric are his mom and dad, but he came from my belly. I think 3 is good to kind of ease them into it.
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Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 10:32 AM
W had cake on birthdays too. As a matter of fact we are having one today for my sons 17th birthday. He isn't talking to me right now, but we will continue the tradition. :)

Quoting Lorsons86:

I talk about my oldest often - to everyone.  It's natural to me.  When I talk of my pregnancies, I include stories about being pregnant with her and when I talk about babies I include the memories I have of the 2.5 months I had her with me.  We have cake on her birthday every year and the few pictures I have I share with everyone, especially the kids that I have at home.  I can't tell you what's right for you but this is what's always felt right for me.  Good luck hun!

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