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Money IS the root of all evil . . . .

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                 employee   from  Catholic  Soc. Services  wants  $300  to  'search'  for  my  son .

                 Heck,  all  she  has  to  do  is  look  in  the  file  to  get  names, addresses, etc.

                 to  help  me  get  reconnected  with  my  son .  I  told  her  no, I 'll  keep  on  praying

                 that  he  &  I  find  each  other  in  the  meantime  !  (I 've  started  having  some  'health

                 'issues', I  wanted  her  to  forward  that  info = I  wonder  if  she  will)  ?

                                                                                                                  Patrick 's   b-mom,

                                                                                                                                       Lori   Leary

 

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Replies (11-18):
snowwillow
by Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 2:46 PM

My agency was the Childrens Home Society.  I sent them a letter asking for contact but my daughter had not sent a letter so that was that. My sister found a search angel and 3 weeks and 40.00 later I had my daughters name. To prove she was mine, she sent a letter to CHS and then we both recieved letters stating we wanted contact (of course we were already in touch).

375.00 is ridiulous, highway robbery.

Southernroots
by Group Admin on Oct. 23, 2012 at 6:47 PM

My son was also relinquished to CHS.  They charged him over $600 to find me. Over the years,  I had moved and married/divorced several times, so they actually did need to do some work. Shortly after we were reunited and I asked for copies of documents in the file, they wanted to charge me another $250 to "open the file".  The file was already open, but....However, at least CHS did not try to orchestrate our reunion.  They gave us both names and addressed and bowed out.

I know of one birth mom who put a note in the file, as well as the birth dad, that they wanted contact.  The agency never told the adoptee of the existence of these notes when she came to them wanting contact.  Not until 10-15 years later when the adoptee finally searched did she discover that her birth parents wanted to be in touch with her.  How disgusting is that?  

I think it is outrageous that such large sums of money are requested for adoption records.  It is also absurd that agencies can lie, omit or invent information and discourage reunions as some do.  One adoptive mom I know told me when her daughter went to the agency about searching for her birth mom, they told her they didn't think her birth mom would want contact.  She searched on her own and discovered her birth mom DID want contact.  

Lori, I encourage you to search on your own.  Praying can't hurt, but some action on your part makes sense as well. 

irishgal63
by Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:29 PM

           I 'm  sorry, too =  wish  there  wasn 't  an  intermediary !    It 's  NOT necessary  :-(

           'they'  just  wanna  play  god  !     I  saw  a  lawyer  about  this(several  yrs.  ago)  &

           he  told  me  'I  guarantee  you  that  the  couple  that  adopted  my  son = paid

           between  $10,000 --- $50,000 '  for  him  .

drfink
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:38 PM


Quoting Southernroots:


I know of one birth mom who put a note in the file, as well as the birth dad, that they wanted contact.  The agency never told the adoptee of the existence of these notes when she came to them wanting contact.  Not until 10-15 years later when the adoptee finally searched did she discover that her birth parents wanted to be in touch with her.  How disgusting is that? 

Lori, I encourage you to search on your own.  Praying can't hurt, but some action on your part makes sense as well. 

Waitin

Without being introduced to a LCSW that is considered to be an expert in reunion I would not have any contact with my oldest.The agency lied to him when he searched through them 15 years ago ,then continued to lie to me up until the LCSW intervened directly. 21 hours before I had been told again he had not left contact info.

One of the excuses was that his mom (adoptive ) and I have the same first name.So the agency was confused.Ya you know how those files don't include last names ...oh wait they do.There was also absolutely no notes saying I had ever contacted the agency in either file.They oh so carefully said they were writing it or adding it via computer and apparently wrote nothing or threw it away. 35 years of yearly contact ...poof gone never happened.

adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2012 at 4:55 AM
Quoting drfink:

Filed in the closest trash can.
I do not trust those paid to keep secrets.

When my found brother and I attempted to verify through the agency that we were indeed a match- and we were willing to provide proof of identity, ect.
The agency wanted us to play yet another game. Bro would have to leave a letter in my file.
And then, I would have to inquire if there had been any activity in my file. Then- they would only let us assume it was a match. It absolved them of any responsibility of telling the identity of the other. And they call us bastards lol
irishgal63
by Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 11:37 AM

to  hear

          I  had  been  in  touch  with  Candy  E.,  she  said  that  even  though  he 's  in  his  20's, there's

          still  not  enough  of  'a  paper  trail'  to be  able  to  find  him  !  :-(

            If  you  have  ANY  other  ideas =  would  LOVE  to  hear  'em  !

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2012 at 1:11 PM
Did you ask the agency if you can just leave a letter in his file?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Southernroots
by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2012 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting drfink:


Quoting Southernroots:


I know of one birth mom who put a note in the file, as well as the birth dad, that they wanted contact.  The agency never told the adoptee of the existence of these notes when she came to them wanting contact.  Not until 10-15 years later when the adoptee finally searched did she discover that her birth parents wanted to be in touch with her.  How disgusting is that? 

Lori, I encourage you to search on your own.  Praying can't hurt, but some action on your part makes sense as well. 

Waitin

Without being introduced to a LCSW that is considered to be an expert in reunion I would not have any contact with my oldest.The agency lied to him when he searched through them 15 years ago ,then continued to lie to me up until the LCSW intervened directly. 21 hours before I had been told again he had not left contact info.

One of the excuses was that his mom (adoptive ) and I have the same first name.So the agency was confused.Ya you know how those files don't include last names ...oh wait they do.There was also absolutely no notes saying I had ever contacted the agency in either file.They oh so carefully said they were writing it or adding it via computer and apparently wrote nothing or threw it away. 35 years of yearly contact ...poof gone never happened.

What a stupid excuse!  You both had the same names!  It makes my blood boil to thing you contacted them for 35 years and when your son came looking he wasn't told that.  You lucked out finding the person who intervened for you, I'd say.

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