Oh man, I don't know what is going on with me lately. Does anyone else out there feel like they're just waiting and longing for the day when you can see your child again?
Although my son is always at the back of mind, lately he has been at the forefront. I can't seem to get it out of my head, I want and long so much to just be able to talk to him, to hear his voice, to hear him talk about his childhood.
He turned 14 this year. In 4 long years he will be 18. 18, the magic number! But I'm so conflicted about hoping that it really is the magic number. What are the odds that I ever cross his mind? What are the odds that he would actually be open to talking to me? I feel like they are pretty slim, but I can't help but think to myself...4 more years, 4 more years.
I read tons of adult adoptee blogs and everyone is different. I see comments ranging from people who only want medical info to those who actually go back and live with their natural mothers. My biggest fear is that he will want absolutely no contact with me, but I can't help but have hope.
Dammit, I hate that my adoption is so closed. At least I have seen a picture of him, granted it was from 2 years ago. Is it so crazy that I would want to know what my own child looks like??
I know this post is all over the place, I just needed to vent it out. Thanks for listening/reading.