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Completely Heartbroken

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I don't even know how this happened. Or what even made me check. But I have been trying to see Christopher the last few Fridays to talk to him. His bus never even came through to drop him off. This last Friday was my last chance before his birthday, and he wasn't there again. I also haven't seen him skating across the street. He has been grounded from facebook forever, but I like to go on his profile sometimes and look at his pictures. Well, I tried to do that today, and couldn't find it. I logged out and logged in under my 8 year olds profile and found it easily. He has blocked me from facebook. Also he has added new pictures, and someone asked him on October 24th where he went. He commented that things went differently than planned, and he would not be coming back to this city. I don't know what to do. I do realize that by him being out of that house, and online, and blocking me, then he really doesn't want anything to do with me. My heart is broken worse than it has ever been. I don't know why this is happening....

I have a question though. I do know his email address. What do you ladies think of me sending him an email on his birthday? Just to tell him that I love him and will always be here for him. I wouldn't even mention knowing anything. I am just at a loss completely. Could he have been lying to me all along? I don't see that, because the adoptive mom showed me she was crazy. But could I have just been a way out that he doesn't need any more? I have no idea what to think!!! And I can't stop crying.

by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 1:18 AM
Replies (11-14):
urbanroost
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 What on earth......I don't think it makes sense unless, like everyone else has said, there are other forces at work here.  You are such a good loving momma.  You've already been through hell and back and you'll get through this too.  You are talking like this is how it's going to be from now on, but everything inside me says differently.

xoxoxoxoxo

mommasbrat912
by Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 8:09 PM
3 moms liked this

I'm so sorry you are going through this. From an adoptee perspective it may be possible that he just needs some space to sort things in his head. I know you have been really good about not pushing. And not forcing your expectations of what you want or need your relationship to be. But I'd be willing to bet that those things are still in his head. His adoptive mother has made her feelings clear. And he knows you want to be a part of his life. He may just need time to figure out who he is without anyone elses expectations (or his idea of what he thinks those expectations are). I think the best thing you can do is continue what you are already doing. Reach out to him in a gentle way. Let him know you are still there, but without pushing. Everyone here can clearly see what a great mother you are, and I'd also be willing to bet that with some time he'll understand that he can have you in his life and still maintain his own expectations for his life. I'm praying that happens sooner rather than later for both of your sakes!

Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:26 AM
Thank you. No, I don't believe it will always be this way. I know there will come a day that he will either want me or he will tell me to get lost. I'm leaning towards he will want me. But I try to be realistic. I know that if I fully expected the best and the worst happened, it would devastate me. It hurts either way. But I am trying to focus on the kids I have at home and not drown in depression. I think that right now he needs space to figure out who he is and what he wants. Thank you for being here.

Quoting urbanroost:

 What on earth......I don't think it makes sense unless, like everyone else has said, there are other forces at work here.  You are such a good loving momma.  You've already been through hell and back and you'll get through this too.  You are talking like this is how it's going to be from now on, but everything inside me says differently.


xoxoxoxoxo

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:29 AM
I do think that is exactly it. He knows that with her he has to make a choice. He may think that I would ask him to choose too. I never would. But he has to choose between what he has and the unknown. At least that's the way I see it. And with him being as emotionally young as he is, that can definitely be daunting. Thank you for the adoptee perspective. :)

Quoting mommasbrat912:

I'm so sorry you are going through this. From an adoptee perspective it may be possible that he just needs some space to sort things in his head. I know you have been really good about not pushing. And not forcing your expectations of what you want or need your relationship to be. But I'd be willing to bet that those things are still in his head. His adoptive mother has made her feelings clear. And he knows you want to be a part of his life. He may just need time to figure out who he is without anyone elses expectations (or his idea of what he thinks those expectations are). I think the best thing you can do is continue what you are already doing. Reach out to him in a gentle way. Let him know you are still there, but without pushing. Everyone here can clearly see what a great mother you are, and I'd also be willing to bet that with some time he'll understand that he can have you in his life and still maintain his own expectations for his life. I'm praying that happens sooner rather than later for both of your sakes!

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