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The rumors are TRUE!!! (kind of long but worth it, and need advice.)

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I was at work today when a coworker told me someone was there to talk to me. I didn't recognize the woman at first. Then she told me that she wanted to talk to me about Kaleb (his adoptive name.) Then I realized it was the girlfriends mom. My heart almost stopped. I just knew she was there to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me any more. I got the other girls to take over for me so I could talk to her. This is what happened.


She told me that amom believes I am pure EVIL and she has to protect Christopher from me. So she was going to send him to a boys home out of state for 2 years. GFmom convinces her to give custody of him to her and that way he would stil be near home, and I wouldn't know where he was. So they are in the process of getting full legal custody of him. With the condition that he will not be able to contact me, and that I will not contact him. He did not reply to the birthday email because he knows his emails are monitored and doesn't know if they are being copied to amom. So he ignored it... To protect me and himself. The GFmom said that as soon as she had custody she would let us talk, but she can't risk it right now. She was planning on waiting until it was all over to contact me, but she said he has been crying for 2 days, and told her, "We have to let my mom know. She will think I don't want to talk to her, and I don't want her to think that. She has to know I'm okay." So she agreed to come by and see me. And she told me something else, that made me really mad. She told me that when she has custody he can see me, but it will be just like when amom had him. I can take him out to eat and stuff, but he can't stay with me. Spend the night or anything. Why would someone do that? Is that not asserting the same control amom had? (That's the advice I need. What do I do about that? Nothing?)


BEST PART He was in the car and she told me to come see him for a minute. When I went out there, he came out of the car crying, and grabbed onto me like he would never let go. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mom. And I will never leave you." I am crying now, just typing this. Everytime I would pull back to look into his eyes, and kiss his cheek, he would pull me back in for a big bear hug. Anyone watching would have been able to see that neither one of us wanted to let go.


I am so happy that I had that today, but letting go of him, took me back 15 years. I felt the same physical sickness that I felt when I lost my baby boy. But at least this time, I know it's not forever. It's not even for that long. Thank you all for telling me not to give up. That like me, you didn't see how he could just walk away. It kept me sane.

by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Replies (11-20):
irishgal63
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this

               P.S.,

        I  feel  that  Cath.  Soc.  Serv.  are  'playing  GOD'  &  trying  to  keep  me  &  my  son  apart

       (whatever  their  'TWISTED   (so-called)  reasoning'  might  be)  =  I 've  read  quite  a  few

       stories  where  that  happened, so  I  know  that  I 'm  NOT  the  only  1  they 've  LIED  to   !

       (WILLFULLY)  !

SarahSuzyQ
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 Vikki, I don't often respond but I have followed your story with your boys... And I think it says a lot for your relationship with Christopher that he would push SO HARD to let you know where he is. He is awfully young to be carrying such a heavy load, especially dealing with all of amom's manipulations, but he sounds like a young man of great character who loves you very much.

As for GF mom, I agree with those who have said that she is in a tricky place. After all, if amom is at least willing to work with her on custody, that means she must have heard some of amom's vitriol against you. And no matter how misplaced it is, she may just not know you well enough (yet) to see that. She may genuinely be trying to do what she thinks is in Christopher's best interest, since she doesn't know you yet. I'd like to think that once she sees how NOT evil and NOT crazy you are, things will open up and the two of you will continue to grow your mother/son relationship without yet another barrier. Still, until she has full custody, she has to walk on eggshells just as much as Christopher does. :(

I'm so sorry things have come to this. I know this is not what you expected or hoped for next in this reunion, and I continue to just be shocked by amom's need to control and dominate this young man. Hang in there, Vikki. I think you are a great, loving, patient mom, and I hope he will be able to come home to you one day soon.

Cedartrees4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting irishgal63:

 when  I  was  BULLIED  into  giving  up  my  son(almost  26yrs.  ago) to  the  Catholic Soc. Services, I  WISH

  that   I 'd  been  stronger, &  stood  up  for  myself/my  son(hindsight  IS  20/20) !  &  now,  when  I  contact

  Catholic  Soc. Services,   they  say  that  (allegedly) the  adoptive  couple  won 't  accept  anything  from  me,

  AND  don 't  want  me  asking  for  ANY/CURRENT  info   and/or  pics  of  my  son  . :-(

                                                                                                                    Patrick's  birthmom,

                                                                                                                                      Lori  L.

Hi Lori!  I am wondering .. your son is an adult now, so why approach the people who adopted him at all?   They do not "own" him as property.   He is an adult equal to every other adult, and in charge of his own life, and became such at age 18 (or whenever the age of majority is where you live)  Have you contacted him directly during this time?  I reached out and contacted my son when he was 19, 7 months after he reached the age of majority here where i live (I gave him a few months to contact me first, but when he didn't, I contacted him instead).

DVT
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Just go along with the girlfriends mom advice - I know it will be hard, but I believe she has both of your best interests at heart.  You will be able to see him again soon.  He's not going to give up on you either.  I'm glad she told you what was going on though.  Take care all through this it won't be easy. HUGS

Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:13 PM
This will hopefully make sense... Lol Gf mom called me yesterday and we talked for over an hour. She decided to contact me against the wishes of amom and Christopher's psychiatrist. I will number these so it's maybe a little easier to follow without a big long story.

1. He has been seeing the same psychiatrist all his life. (Coincidentally the same one that drugged me for CPS) She said it would be detrimental for him to have a relationship with me. Gf mom said, "Okay, I will go alone to her job and tell her he us okay but she can't know where he is or see him." Dr said no. She told the mom to write me a letter with no names (hers or hubby's and the dr would give it to me. Big red flash for her.

2. She took Christopher camping for his birthday. She asked him, "If you could have anything you wanted for your birthday, what would it be?" (She planned to buy it when they got back.) His answer... "I just want to see my mom." My heart melted.

3. When she stopped to tell me he was okay, I broke down in years of relief. She told me that she could see in my face and my tears how much he meant to me. That's why she let me see him then.

4. She prayed. She said that she and her husband prayed together and talked together. And when she woke up the next morning she felt in her heart that us loving each other so much could not cause him harm. It could only make him stronger.

She doesn't let any of her kids spend the night away from home. I didn't even ask, she volunteered that info. And they homeschool all of them. She wants us to be able to celebrate holidays together. Have cookouts together. Be a family together. We are supposed to sit down and talk next weekend, at my request. I will let you all know how it goes. Keep your fingers crusaded that she follows through on her promises. :)

Almost forgot to mention. She said that amom was so crazy she figured whatever bad stuff she had to day about me, it was probably the complete opposite! Lol I'm glad she has some sense. :D
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Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:21 PM
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It means a lot to know you are here with me even if you don't reply often. And yes, I am keeping hope that she has his best interest at heart. I even told her that on the phone. That I was going to be honest, because I felt that I could be with her without being shut out. I told her that it did make me mad at first that I had to go back to the same restrictions of eating dinner with my almost adult son on occasion but couldn't have him at my house. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought I'm glad someone cares enough to see how it affects him before jumping all in. I do think this will be okay. Hoping anyway. :)

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

 Vikki, I don't often respond but I have followed your story with your boys... And I think it says a lot for your relationship with Christopher that he would push SO HARD to let you know where he is. He is awfully young to be carrying such a heavy load, especially dealing with all of amom's manipulations, but he sounds like a young man of great character who loves you very much.

As for GF mom, I agree with those who have said that she is in a tricky place. After all, if amom is at least willing to work with her on custody, that means she must have heard some of amom's vitriol against you. And no matter how misplaced it is, she may just not know you well enough (yet) to see that. She may genuinely be trying to do what she thinks is in Christopher's best interest, since she doesn't know you yet. I'd like to think that once she sees how NOT evil and NOT crazy you are, things will open up and the two of you will continue to grow your mother/son relationship without yet another barrier. Still, until she has full custody, she has to walk on eggshells just as much as Christopher does. :(

I'm so sorry things have come to this. I know this is not what you expected or hoped for next in this reunion, and I continue to just be shocked by amom's need to control and dominate this young man. Hang in there, Vikki. I think you are a great, loving, patient mom, and I hope he will be able to come home to you one day soon.

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Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:25 PM
The lies that have been told are...
1. I was a drug addict.
2. I abused and neglected him.
3. I was a prostitute and a drug dealer.

All of this the amom knows is not true. But it is what she tells everyone. My son included. :(


Quoting Cedartrees4:

"She told me that when she has custody he can see me, but it will be
just like when amom had him. I can take him out to eat and stuff, but he
can't stay with me. Spend the night or anything. Why would someone do
that?"


I'd have two questions to ask her:   Is he allowed to stay overnight at anyone else's place, such a with friends etc.?  If so, then why not at your place?  Secondly, what type of abuse is she convinced that you committed against him that she would treat you like you were a heinous criminal who cannot be trusted around minors? :(   There is obviously a backstory here of why she believes you are dangerous, i.e. why type of lies has the adopter told her?    

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Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:28 PM
I really don't know why she thinks I am so bad. And I don't even know if she really thinks I am. Surely she knows he was removed from my care for medical neglect and she made everything else up. She even tells everyone my rights were terminated and they weren't. I signed TPR on my own (legally anyway). I think it is her controlling way that causes her to do this. And honestly I think she has some mental illness herself.

Quoting randi1978:

I'm happy you at least found out what was going on.  But why does his adopter think you so bad (besides being an insecure and jealous twat)?

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randi1978
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:38 PM

Sounds more like her trying to flaunt the "I'm the saint who rescued him from foster care" persona.  Keeps alive the myth that every case of foster care termination is due to extreme circumstances.  I understand that things happen and sometimes your hands get tied and you know it will be a losing battle.  You did what you felt was best for him given the situation and she should commend you for that, not condemn you.

I remember you mentioning this before.  Is it prying to ask what the medical neglect was?  It can have some pretty broad interpretations.

I will say that I am elated that he has managed to keep contact with you for as long as he was able to and even more excited for you that you have someone working in your corner that will allow you to have access to him. 

Quoting Vikki77:

I really don't know why she thinks I am so bad. And I don't even know if she really thinks I am. Surely she knows he was removed from my care for medical neglect and she made everything else up. She even tells everyone my rights were terminated and they weren't. I signed TPR on my own (legally anyway). I think it is her controlling way that causes her to do this. And honestly I think she has some mental illness herself.

Quoting randi1978:

I'm happy you at least found out what was going on.  But why does his adopter think you so bad (besides being an insecure and jealous twat)?


Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:29 PM

Thank you for the kind words. And feel free to ask me anything. I pour my heart and soul out here. lol

I honestly don't know how they proved medical neglect. I just know that is what I was found guilty of. He was admitted to one hospital at 2 months old. He had a knot in front of his left ear. They couldn't figure out what was wrong, so I had him transferred to another hospital, and an ENT diagnosed it as mastoiditis. They did surgery to remove part of the mastoid bone, and drain the infection. They also put tubes in his ears. He was sent home on antibiotics.

A week later he was running a high fever and I took him back to the ER. It was in the middle of the night. He stayed for 2 days, and was sent home with IV antibiotics, and we had home health nurses come out twice a day to give him the antibiotics. After 3 days of no improvement the ENT told me to take him to a childrens hospital. The best in the state. He was admitted there, and he had Rota Virus and was dehydrated. We were there for 14 days when a lawyer for CPS woke me up early in the morning and told me I had to be in court the next morning. That they were taking custody of him. I had no fear as I knew I was doing everything right. I was wrong. After 2 days of testimony, they took custody for medical neglect. I still don't know what happened.


You know, the more I talk, the more I realize that I probably sound like one of those crazy women that swear the world is out to get her. But I swear that's not true. I just figured out in the worst possible way that I live in a very corrupt county. :(

Also if you ever want to read it, I am blogging about this. I just started not too long ago, so there aren't a lot of posts. But it gives a lot more detail. lol myfightformotherhood.blogspot.com

Quoting randi1978:

Sounds more like her trying to flaunt the "I'm the saint who rescued him from foster care" persona.  Keeps alive the myth that every case of foster care termination is due to extreme circumstances.  I understand that things happen and sometimes your hands get tied and you know it will be a losing battle.  You did what you felt was best for him given the situation and she should commend you for that, not condemn you.

I remember you mentioning this before.  Is it prying to ask what the medical neglect was?  It can have some pretty broad interpretations.

I will say that I am elated that he has managed to keep contact with you for as long as he was able to and even more excited for you that you have someone working in your corner that will allow you to have access to him. 

Quoting Vikki77:

I really don't know why she thinks I am so bad. And I don't even know if she really thinks I am. Surely she knows he was removed from my care for medical neglect and she made everything else up. She even tells everyone my rights were terminated and they weren't. I signed TPR on my own (legally anyway). I think it is her controlling way that causes her to do this. And honestly I think she has some mental illness herself.

Quoting randi1978:

I'm happy you at least found out what was going on.  But why does his adopter think you so bad (besides being an insecure and jealous twat)?



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