The rumors are TRUE!!! (kind of long but worth it, and need advice.)
I was at work today when a coworker told me someone was there to talk to me. I didn't recognize the woman at first. Then she told me that she wanted to talk to me about Kaleb (his adoptive name.) Then I realized it was the girlfriends mom. My heart almost stopped. I just knew she was there to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me any more. I got the other girls to take over for me so I could talk to her. This is what happened.
She told me that amom believes I am pure EVIL and she has to protect Christopher from me. So she was going to send him to a boys home out of state for 2 years. GFmom convinces her to give custody of him to her and that way he would stil be near home, and I wouldn't know where he was. So they are in the process of getting full legal custody of him. With the condition that he will not be able to contact me, and that I will not contact him. He did not reply to the birthday email because he knows his emails are monitored and doesn't know if they are being copied to amom. So he ignored it... To protect me and himself. The GFmom said that as soon as she had custody she would let us talk, but she can't risk it right now. She was planning on waiting until it was all over to contact me, but she said he has been crying for 2 days, and told her, "We have to let my mom know. She will think I don't want to talk to her, and I don't want her to think that. She has to know I'm okay." So she agreed to come by and see me. And she told me something else, that made me really mad. She told me that when she has custody he can see me, but it will be just like when amom had him. I can take him out to eat and stuff, but he can't stay with me. Spend the night or anything. Why would someone do that? Is that not asserting the same control amom had? (That's the advice I need. What do I do about that? Nothing?)
BEST PART He was in the car and she told me to come see him for a minute. When I went out there, he came out of the car crying, and grabbed onto me like he would never let go. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mom. And I will never leave you." I am crying now, just typing this. Everytime I would pull back to look into his eyes, and kiss his cheek, he would pull me back in for a big bear hug. Anyone watching would have been able to see that neither one of us wanted to let go.
I am so happy that I had that today, but letting go of him, took me back 15 years. I felt the same physical sickness that I felt when I lost my baby boy. But at least this time, I know it's not forever. It's not even for that long. Thank you all for telling me not to give up. That like me, you didn't see how he could just walk away. It kept me sane.
Oh Vikki.....YAY...this is the best news. As a daddy's girl my whole life I've always found it hard to believe, but this story proves it....there is no bond like that of mother and son. You are such a wonderful, caring, nuturing, devoted momma....and Christopher feels every bit of that. He is equally devoted to you and will let NOTHING come between you two. GF's mom is doing everything she thinks is in her power to help you two be together. I'm so glad the whole story is coming out now....you deserve all of this truth. xoxoxoxoxo
I'm so glad that you are getting SOME contact and, if nothing else, you know that he's OK and he HASN'T rejected you. He simply is NOT in control of his life right now, but that will eventually change. Try to remember that you cannot deal rationally with an irrational person. I agree with VP that GF's mom is in a precarious situation right now, and is trying to walk the line between what she wants to do (allow contact) and what she must do in order to get the guardianship. Also, from the way that you worded this, if amom finds out of any contact, then she can nullify the guardianship. It saddens me that amom would rather give guardianship to a "stranger" than to risk losing him to you. She simply doesn't realize that she doesn't have THAT kind of control over him. He is (and has been) biding his time until she cannot legally control him. Think of that last hug and imagine all the words that went through his mind staring at your Birthday wishes and NOT opening it. What heartache he experienced that day and every day since. It also sounds like he's trying to do some "damage control". Can you imagine being faced with the possibility of an out of state boy's home for two years? How scared he must be! He is apparently walking a fine line in trying to stay in the same city you are in, his home city.
Despite your feelings of wanting to see him, Vikki, PULL BACK. I know that sounds hard and harsh and it's not something I say without a lot of heartache. But you are going to have to play this like a chess game. That means that you cannot make a move until HE does. I understand GF's mom not wanting to give you her/his cell phone #. That tells you how serious the situation is and how unstable amom is. What would happen if you called while she was with amom? If it were me and I were in her shoes, the look on my face would give me away. She'd know the whole story in one ring-tone without a word being spoken, and amom STILL has all the power to terminate the guardianship based on CONTACT. It sounds like GF's mom is already torn between keeping her word and doing what she feels is best for your son. What a sad situation SHE is in. Try to put yourself in her shoes. She is almost as much as hostage in this as your son is. If amom gets wind of any of this and cuts ties with GF's mom, then there goes your son's support. Gone. In an instant. No GF. No GF's mom. No way to get to you. Two years in a home Lord knows where. Don't you think that amom would monitor ALL his contact from there?
Back to the chess game. At what age will he be legal to make his own decisions? Pray for your son and we will as well. Try NOT to contact him or GF's mom by phone/email/FB at all. GF's mom will let you know what's going on when she feels she can without getting "busted". I'm sure that she'd feel like SHE were the one who sent him away from you for "not following the rules". Please don't put her in that position. I hate it. I hate it. Eventually, all your dreams will come true. Hang in there. YOU can do this!
This is wonderful news Vikki. I'm so happy for you.
Quoting Vikki77:
This will hopefully make sense... Lol Gf mom called me yesterday and we talked for over an hour. She decided to contact me against the wishes of amom and Christopher's psychiatrist. I will number these so it's maybe a little easier to follow without a big long story.
1. He has been seeing the same psychiatrist all his life. (Coincidentally the same one that drugged me for CPS) She said it would be detrimental for him to have a relationship with me. Gf mom said, "Okay, I will go alone to her job and tell her he us okay but she can't know where he is or see him." Dr said no. She told the mom to write me a letter with no names (hers or hubby's and the dr would give it to me. Big red flash for her.
2. She took Christopher camping for his birthday. She asked him, "If you could have anything you wanted for your birthday, what would it be?" (She planned to buy it when they got back.) His answer... "I just want to see my mom." My heart melted.
3. When she stopped to tell me he was okay, I broke down in years of relief. She told me that she could see in my face and my tears how much he meant to me. That's why she let me see him then.
4. She prayed. She said that she and her husband prayed together and talked together. And when she woke up the next morning she felt in her heart that us loving each other so much could not cause him harm. It could only make him stronger.
She doesn't let any of her kids spend the night away from home. I didn't even ask, she volunteered that info. And they homeschool all of them. She wants us to be able to celebrate holidays together. Have cookouts together. Be a family together. We are supposed to sit down and talk next weekend, at my request. I will let you all know how it goes. Keep your fingers crusaded that she follows through on her promises. :)
Almost forgot to mention. She said that amom was so crazy she figured whatever bad stuff she had to day about me, it was probably the complete opposite! Lol I'm glad she has some sense. :D
Vikki I forget, why is it that amom doesn't want to keep custody of him herself?
Also, is there a law where he can seek imancipation for himself at a certain age?
Quoting doodlebopfan:I'm so glad that you are getting SOME contact and, if nothing else, you know that he's OK and he HASN'T rejected you. He simply is NOT in control of his life right now, but that will eventually change. Try to remember that you cannot deal rationally with an irrational person. I agree with VP that GF's mom is in a precarious situation right now, and is trying to walk the line between what she wants to do (allow contact) and what she must do in order to get the guardianship. Also, from the way that you worded this, if amom finds out of any contact, then she can nullify the guardianship. It saddens me that amom would rather give guardianship to a "stranger" than to risk losing him to you. She simply doesn't realize that she doesn't have THAT kind of control over him. He is (and has been) biding his time until she cannot legally control him. Think of that last hug and imagine all the words that went through his mind staring at your Birthday wishes and NOT opening it. What heartache he experienced that day and every day since. It also sounds like he's trying to do some "damage control". Can you imagine being faced with the possibility of an out of state boy's home for two years? How scared he must be! He is apparently walking a fine line in trying to stay in the same city you are in, his home city.
Despite your feelings of wanting to see him, Vikki, PULL BACK. I know that sounds hard and harsh and it's not something I say without a lot of heartache. But you are going to have to play this like a chess game. That means that you cannot make a move until HE does. I understand GF's mom not wanting to give you her/his cell phone #. That tells you how serious the situation is and how unstable amom is. What would happen if you called while she was with amom? If it were me and I were in her shoes, the look on my face would give me away. She'd know the whole story in one ring-tone without a word being spoken, and amom STILL has all the power to terminate the guardianship based on CONTACT. It sounds like GF's mom is already torn between keeping her word and doing what she feels is best for your son. What a sad situation SHE is in. Try to put yourself in her shoes. She is almost as much as hostage in this as your son is. If amom gets wind of any of this and cuts ties with GF's mom, then there goes your son's support. Gone. In an instant. No GF. No GF's mom. No way to get to you. Two years in a home Lord knows where. Don't you think that amom would monitor ALL his contact from there?
Back to the chess game. At what age will he be legal to make his own decisions? Pray for your son and we will as well. Try NOT to contact him or GF's mom by phone/email/FB at all. GF's mom will let you know what's going on when she feels she can without getting "busted". I'm sure that she'd feel like SHE were the one who sent him away from you for "not following the rules". Please don't put her in that position. I hate it. I hate it. Eventually, all your dreams will come true. Hang in there. YOU can do this!
Quoting onethentwins:Vikki I forget, why is it that amom doesn't want to keep custody of him herself?
Also, is there a law where he can seek imancipation for himself at a certain age?
I listen to my 'gut instinct', that the soc. workers haven't been forwarding my
requests for info, to my son, or the adoptive parents = they are playing GOD
in controlling the lines of communication between he & I . I had a friend
(an adoptee, from that same agency) that asked to be put in contact with her
b-mom & was told that the b-mom did NOT want contact with her . A few
months later, my friend tried again & this time, a different soc. worker got the
request & sent my friend the info about her b-mom & they had a GOOD reunion
AND on-going contact(ALL IS GOOD) :-)
Quoting irishgal63:I listen to my 'gut instinct', that the soc. workers haven't been forwarding my
requests for info, to my son, or the adoptive parents = they are playing GOD
in controlling the lines of communication between he & I . I had a friend
(an adoptee, from that same agency) that asked to be put in contact with her
b-mom & was told that the b-mom did NOT want contact with her . A few
months later, my friend tried again & this time, a different soc. worker got the
request & sent my friend the info about her b-mom & they had a GOOD reunion
AND on-going contact(ALL IS GOOD) :-)
don 't know how/where to search ! I have posted his birth info on a few sites,
but that 's it . If you have ANY ideas on how/where I can search for him , I 'd
love to hear your ideas . Hope ya have a great Thanksgiving Day ! :-)
Lori L.
Good news for all.
- Vikki77
on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:37 PM