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Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:16 AM
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I'm new here. My name is Bre, I have a 2 and 1 year old, and just gave my 2 twin boys up for adoption. I had them on the 11th of December. My husband and I chose adoption because of financial reason among other reasons. We picked a couple who didn't have children and are now so incredibly happy. I on the other hand miss them incredibly, and having a really hard time dealing with them being gone. I find myself crying all the time and lashing out at my husband when he asks questions, i dont mean to and usually say sorry. I guess I'm at my lowest point right now. I really want to change my mind and have them in my arms again, but I know the adoptive couple is who is best for them. I'm just trying to deal with it all.

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:28 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. You've still got a lot of hormones surging through your body. I wish there were something I could say that would make you feel better. You can always come to us. We do understand..I imagine your husband is feeling some of the same feelings too, but probably feels like he has to hold it together for you.

Do you have an open adoption?

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:31 AM
2 moms liked this
If you have time to change the decision, do it. There is help out there for you to keep your children.
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Vikki77
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:04 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing years ago. Placed 2 and continued to raise 3 step children. It was very hard. We are here for you. And I also say if you can change your mind DO IT! This doesn't get much easier over the years. I still have problems 15 years later. Hugs.
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onethentwins
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:04 PM

I'm so very sorry for your terrible loss. I wish I could tell you that it will get better with time, but sadly...

hugs

MommieBre21
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:34 PM

Yes I let the adoptive couple chose the names, let her be in the room when I delivered, gave her all the ultrasounds and she will give me pictures and updates and we decided to let the boys decide whether they want to meet us when they get older

Quoting 2jeffsmom:

I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. You've still got a lot of hormones surging through your body. I wish there were something I could say that would make you feel better. You can always come to us. We do understand..I imagine your husband is feeling some of the same feelings too, but probably feels like he has to hold it together for you.

Do you have an open adoption?


Southernroots
by Group Admin on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:34 PM


Quoting MommieBre21:

I'm new here. My name is Bre, I have a 2 and 1 year old, and just gave my 2 twin boys up for adoption. I had them on the 11th of December. My husband and I chose adoption because of financial reason among other reasons. We picked a couple who didn't have children and are now so incredibly happy. I on the other hand miss them incredibly, and having a really hard time dealing with them being gone. I find myself crying all the time and lashing out at my husband when he asks questions, i dont mean to and usually say sorry. I guess I'm at my lowest point right now. I really want to change my mind and have them in my arms again, but I know the adoptive couple is who is best for them. I'm just trying to deal with it all.

Had you come to this group prior to relinquishing, many of us would have counseled you that financial reasons aren't enough to make adoption an option that will work out well over time.  Many of us relinquished due to financial considerations and realized too late that finances can and do change, but, the loss of a baby is forever. 

Crying is normal for someone in your position.  It is better to express your feelings rather than to bottle them up for years like many of us did.  However, I can imagine with two little ones, it's hard to be crying a lot.  

If you want to change your mind and it isn't too late, I urge you to act immediately. The longer you wait, the less chance there is to get your babies back.  Look for options that can help you with your financial needs....there are many resources available.

If it is too late, I recommend finding someone to help you deal with your grief...preferably someone who understands adoption.  We'll help you here too as much as we can.  Most birth moms did not know that therapy and/or counseling would be necessary in order to achieve any healing, resolution or peace.  I tend to believe that it is necessary.  Trying to simply ignore the pain and hope it will go away doesn't work, the pain only surfaces again later.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope the adoption isn't final yet so you can get your twins back.

MommieBre21
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:34 PM

Thank you ladies for all your condolences and advice!

MommieBre21
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:39 PM

We are all set up with counseling, and trying to spend as much time with our 2 daughters as much as we can, as for changing our minds, we know that mark and Genia have been trying for 13 years to have babies and finally got chosen for adoption but the birth mom changed her mind and it was devasting to them. I dont want to do that to them again, and I know they will be great parents and they can give our twins the best life and great life, a life i can only dream of giving them. I have a lot of mixed emotions and raw feelings right now its a lot.

Quoting Southernroots:


Quoting MommieBre21:

I'm new here. My name is Bre, I have a 2 and 1 year old, and just gave my 2 twin boys up for adoption. I had them on the 11th of December. My husband and I chose adoption because of financial reason among other reasons. We picked a couple who didn't have children and are now so incredibly happy. I on the other hand miss them incredibly, and having a really hard time dealing with them being gone. I find myself crying all the time and lashing out at my husband when he asks questions, i dont mean to and usually say sorry. I guess I'm at my lowest point right now. I really want to change my mind and have them in my arms again, but I know the adoptive couple is who is best for them. I'm just trying to deal with it all.

Had you come to this group prior to relinquishing, many of us would have counseled you that financial reasons aren't enough to make adoption an option that will work out well over time.  Many of us relinquished due to financial considerations and realized too late that finances can and do change, but, the loss of a baby is forever. 

Crying is normal for someone in your position.  It is better to express your feelings rather than to bottle them up for years like many of us did.  However, I can imagine with two little ones, it's hard to be crying a lot.  

If you want to change your mind and it isn't too late, I urge you to act immediately. The longer you wait, the less chance there is to get your babies back.  Look for options that can help you with your financial needs....there are many resources available.

If it is too late, I recommend finding someone to help you deal with your grief...preferably someone who understands adoption.  We'll help you here too as much as we can.  Most birth moms did not know that therapy and/or counseling would be necessary in order to achieve any healing, resolution or peace.  I tend to believe that it is necessary.  Trying to simply ignore the pain and hope it will go away doesn't work, the pain only surfaces again later.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope the adoption isn't final yet so you can get your twins back.


drfink
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 7:50 PM
3 moms liked this
Not to be to big of bitch but if they knew how much hurt you were in would they return your baby because you are devastated? A baby being adopted should have zip , zero , nothing to do with how the PAPs or APs feel about their inability to reproduce.

Quoting MommieBre21:

We are all set up with counseling, and trying to spend as much time with our 2 daughters as much as we can, as for changing our minds, we know that mark and Genia have been trying for 13 years to have babies and finally got chosen for adoption but the birth mom changed her mind and it was devasting to them. I dont want to do that to them again, and I know they will be great parents and they can give our twins the best life and great life, a life i can only dream of giving them. I have a lot of mixed emotions and raw feelings right now its a lot.


Quoting Southernroots:


Quoting MommieBre21:

I'm new here. My name is Bre, I have a 2 and 1 year old, and just gave my 2 twin boys up for adoption. I had them on the 11th of December. My husband and I chose adoption because of financial reason among other reasons. We picked a couple who didn't have children and are now so incredibly happy. I on the other hand miss them incredibly, and having a really hard time dealing with them being gone. I find myself crying all the time and lashing out at my husband when he asks questions, i dont mean to and usually say sorry. I guess I'm at my lowest point right now. I really want to change my mind and have them in my arms again, but I know the adoptive couple is who is best for them. I'm just trying to deal with it all.

Had you come to this group prior to relinquishing, many of us would have counseled you that financial reasons aren't enough to make adoption an option that will work out well over time.  Many of us relinquished due to financial considerations and realized too late that finances can and do change, but, the loss of a baby is forever. 

Crying is normal for someone in your position.  It is better to express your feelings rather than to bottle them up for years like many of us did.  However, I can imagine with two little ones, it's hard to be crying a lot.  

If you want to change your mind and it isn't too late, I urge you to act immediately. The longer you wait, the less chance there is to get your babies back.  Look for options that can help you with your financial needs....there are many resources available.

If it is too late, I recommend finding someone to help you deal with your grief...preferably someone who understands adoption.  We'll help you here too as much as we can.  Most birth moms did not know that therapy and/or counseling would be necessary in order to achieve any healing, resolution or peace.  I tend to believe that it is necessary.  Trying to simply ignore the pain and hope it will go away doesn't work, the pain only surfaces again later.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope the adoption isn't final yet so you can get your twins back.


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vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:19 PM
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I agree with Dr Fink. The adopters have not seen how much pain you are in and offered to give them back. These are YOUR children, your flesh and blood and they deserve to be with their natural family and their sisters. If it is not too late, please get them back. The hurt that the paps feel will be nothing to the pain you and your family will feel for life. Adopters want A baby, anyone's will do but you will yearn for YOUR children forever.

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