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Eighteen years ago.........,

Posted by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:21 PM
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So the daughter I relinquished turns 18 today. She was born at 5:47 pm. I kept thinking 5:07, but I looked and it was 5:47. Funny the things we block out,and those we can not seem to forget. I blocked most of the labor and delivery with her, I remember walking from the delivery room to my room, 20 minutes after she was born, I remember bits and pieces of that night, and the 10 days and nights that followed, i couldn't travel so i stayed at my grandma's house with my daughter, until i was cleared to travel. I will never forget the overwhelming crushing feeling of panic and devastation when my mom told me that my grandma (who adopted my daughter) was on her way and I needed to come tell my daughter goodbye, or the unreality of it all as I buckled her into her car seat, kissed her one last time and begged her to forgive me and understand why I was doing what I was doing,and told her how much i loved her. The sense of being alone as I stood in my bedroom window, watched them load the car seat and drive away. I remember feeling like I would drown in the tears I was trying so hard to fight.
She was always supposed to know the truth about who she was and where she came from. That was the promise they made me.
She hasn't been told. She is 18 today.

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by on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that and I'm sorry for your loss. I think you've posted before and said you are going to tell her the truth about her life, is that right? How are you feeling about that now that the time has come?

Are your grandparents both still alive? How old are they? How do you feel about the childhood your daughter was given?

Vikki77
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 9:59 PM
Happy birthday to your daughter. I do hope you find the way to tell her the truth. You both deserve it. Hugs to you.
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tezell78
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 10:14 PM
She has had a great life. Part of me wants to pick up the phone right now, the other part is afraid of doing anything that might throw her off course she graduates high school in June, leaves for Oregon state university where she plans to study bio chemical engineering, this fall, so I don't want to throw her off.
My grandma passed in October 2010 her husband is still alive, he wants to tell her the truth in a few years.
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vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:28 PM
I think you should tell her. Do not wait for your grandfather to do so. I don't know when a good time is. You may be right and waiting until the end of the school year is best, I don't know. Either way, it is your duty, IMHO, to reveal the truth to her as the others probably won't.

I don't understand why your grandparents didnt take you with your daughter. Were they looking to adopt before you became pregnant? Does she think she's your aunt? Does she know you at all?
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tezell78
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:36 PM
Because I was 16. Yes she believes she is my aunt. They promised me they would always tell her where she came from, which is why I chose them. I'd already decided on adoption, and was leaning towards a family who had already adopted one child and maintained a wonderful relationship with the birth mom, I honestly believed my grandma would be truthful. I was basically told it shouldn't bother me, I shouldn't feel anything in regards to it. Just move on and stop being so dramatic.
But when my children were born, my mother told everyone I had no business being a mom because I don't bond with my kids.
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Lurion
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Many, many hugs your way. The bond between natural mother and daughter is one of the strongest forces in the universe. 

So did you get to see her grow up? She just thought she was adopted? Do you plan to tell her? 

And happy birthday to your precious daughter! 

tezell78
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:38 PM
Because I was 16. Yes she believes she is my aunt. They promised me they would always tell her where she came from, which is why I chose them. I'd already decided on adoption, and was leaning towards a family who had already adopted one child and maintained a wonderful relationship with the birth mom, I honestly believed my grandma would be truthful. I was basically told it shouldn't bother me, I shouldn't feel anything in regards to it. Just move on and stop being so dramatic.
But when my children were born, my mother told everyone I had no business being a mom because I don't bond with my kids.
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tezell78
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:41 PM
Yes I watched her grow up.
No she doesn't even know she is adopted. My grandma's husband is only 14 years older than me. My grandma was only 38 when I was born.
Somehow my brilliant child has ignored basic human biology and believes my grandma got pregnant and gave birth post menopause.


Quoting Lurion:

Many, many hugs your way. The bond between natural mother and daughter is one of the strongest forces in the universe. 

So did you get to see her grow up? She just thought she was adopted? Do you plan to tell her? 

And happy birthday to your precious daughter! 

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ZakkarysMom
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:43 PM
Im so sorry your grandma didnt keep her promise. You should tell your daughter. She deserves to know.
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Lurion
by Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 11:52 PM

So are you going to tell her?

Quoting tezell78:

Yes I watched her grow up.
No she doesn't even know she is adopted. My grandma's husband is only 14 years older than me. My grandma was only 38 when I was born.
Somehow my brilliant child has ignored basic human biology and believes my grandma got pregnant and gave birth post menopause.


Quoting Lurion:

Many, many hugs your way. The bond between natural mother and daughter is one of the strongest forces in the universe. 

So did you get to see her grow up? She just thought she was adopted? Do you plan to tell her? 

And happy birthday to your precious daughter! 


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