So the daughter I relinquished turns 18 today. She was born at 5:47 pm. I kept thinking 5:07, but I looked and it was 5:47. Funny the things we block out,and those we can not seem to forget. I blocked most of the labor and delivery with her, I remember walking from the delivery room to my room, 20 minutes after she was born, I remember bits and pieces of that night, and the 10 days and nights that followed, i couldn't travel so i stayed at my grandma's house with my daughter, until i was cleared to travel. I will never forget the overwhelming crushing feeling of panic and devastation when my mom told me that my grandma (who adopted my daughter) was on her way and I needed to come tell my daughter goodbye, or the unreality of it all as I buckled her into her car seat, kissed her one last time and begged her to forgive me and understand why I was doing what I was doing,and told her how much i loved her. The sense of being alone as I stood in my bedroom window, watched them load the car seat and drive away. I remember feeling like I would drown in the tears I was trying so hard to fight.
She was always supposed to know the truth about who she was and where she came from. That was the promise they made me.
She hasn't been told. She is 18 today.
on Jan. 12, 2013 at 8:21 PM