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Having a bad day...

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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I'm having a rough day... Every time I look at Scott I am overcome with love for him but then I am hit with a wave of what did I do? I think of all the things I missed with Makayla... It's not fair. On the plus side Makayla does know about me and her siblings. I talked to Amom a few weeks ago and we talked about it. She knows that she has two sisters and a brother and that she grew in my tummy. She will be 3 next month. Here are some pictures of my munchkins...

MakaylaMarieScottyMarie and Scotty

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CrystalDawn2506
by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:00 PM

I think we all have been hit with the what ifs etc. I gave up my son at 4 months he is now 12 the aparents introduced him back into my life and he got to meet his sister who is 6. They have since pulled back without explanations but now are trying to communicate again slowly but still its communication and the explanations they are giving me doesn't seem like they are being truthful. All we can ever hope for is that our children are happy and will be in our lives again some day. 

BTW you have beautiful kids : ) 

Here is my son and my daughter ( their school pics put side by side )

They have different dad's but you can tell they are siblings and they act so much alike which I think they will love this fact when they become adults.

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:13 PM
Hey Molliy, I think this is the first time I've seen ALL your babies! So adorable.

I know it's hard sweetie. Unfortunately we can't go back and change what happened. Don't feel guilty for the love you feel for your son.

Many hugs for you.
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2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:14 AM

Your babies are all so beautiful! I'm sorry you're down. Been there!

MoLLiy
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Thanks ladies. I'm having a hard time with the fact that Marie keeps talking about her and asking when we can see her. It has gotten to the point that she has nightmares every night of loosing her family. She is starting therapy next week... I feel so guilty. It's all my fault that my 6 year old daughter needs therapy...
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vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this

 MoLLiy,

Unless you were given full and complete disclosure about the lifelong affects of surrender for both you and all your children but went ahead anyways, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Unless you were given another viable option other than adoption, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. This being said, I understand what you feel. I feel it sometimes too.

Quoting MoLLiy:

Thanks ladies. I'm having a hard time with the fact that Marie keeps talking about her and asking when we can see her. It has gotten to the point that she has nightmares every night of loosing her family. She is starting therapy next week... I feel so guilty. It's all my fault that my 6 year old daughter needs therapy...

 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:55 PM

Your children are georgous. Scotty is a little scallywag if I ever saw one. So happy for them all that they all know about each other, It would be really great if they could have a real life relationship too. 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:58 PM

Too true. I also feel a lot of guilt about my relinquished son and his depression and mental issues. It's such a bitter pill to swallow.

hugs

Quoting vampporcupine:

 MoLLiy,

Unless you were given full and complete disclosure about the lifelong affects of surrender for both you and all your children but went ahead anyways, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Unless you were given another viable option other than adoption, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. This being said, I understand what you feel. I feel it sometimes too.

Quoting MoLLiy:

Thanks ladies. I'm having a hard time with the fact that Marie keeps talking about her and asking when we can see her. It has gotten to the point that she has nightmares every night of loosing her family. She is starting therapy next week... I feel so guilty. It's all my fault that my 6 year old daughter needs therapy...

 


Cedartrees4
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 3:37 PM

OTT and Molliy, if you were coerced in any way to surrender a baby you loved and wanted to keep, then it was NOT your choice and you should NOT feel guilty!  My was was very much traumatized by adoption, but I never have felt guilt over it, nor do I "regret adoption" because one can't regret something you didn't "do, and once anyone manipulated, pressured, forced us, or lied to us to ensure the surrender of our babies, then all choice departed and we are blameless.   No more than a rape victim is to blame -- it used to be that unless a woman said "NO!" then she was held culpable for rape -- society now knows that not only does NO mean no, but also "I don't want to do this" means NO, emotionally expressing NO in ways such as uncontrollably crying means NO, a scared silence means NO, etc.   You are not to blame!

Vikki77
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:42 PM
I agree with everyone else. It is not your fault. But I do understand the guilt. I feel it sometimes too. :(
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BE_U_T_XPRT
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:08 AM

 Your kids are beautiful!   I love seeing pictures on here, to put faces with the stories and names. 

I feel the same guilt.  It sucks when you realize that the trauma you went through losing your child also affects your kept children.  My daughter also went through a bout of anxiety about the age of 6 and I had her in therapy as well.  It has helped her quite a bit and kept the lines of communication open between us about my lost daughter.  I am sorry you have to go through this, it is rough. 

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