Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

First time in 36 years...

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:09 PM
  • 8 Replies
  • 200 Total Views

 Today is my oldest bday.At 12:00 A.M. I FB messaged AND emailed him birthday wishes and told him the eta of his present we sent. I got a text thanking me and chatting a little this morning .It was great to send this ,buy him bday presents and  get his text ,then I cried and cried.

I really wanted to go see him ,he is only 4 hrs away or a short plane hop away but I'm afraid it would be very awkward.His adoptive parents are taking him to his favorite nice restaurant.His dad seems pretty easy going but his mom is hot and cold .

The other day a new long comment showed up on his notes page where he wrote the story of us meeting.This guy is adopted also and he took the opposite viewpoint on everything that my oldest wrote.My oldest semi jokes that because he has the same first name of one of his younger siblings,my 16 y.o has gone by his middle name since he was born, the other male name his parents considered is the name of a different younger brother and his adoptive and birth moms have the same first name this reunion was meant to be from the beginning.This guy  also disputes feeling happy about having siblings ,reminds my oldest that all people of European descent are 8th cousins so being related to me is trivial genetics.Point by point trashes everything my oldest wrote...it is longer than my oldest note.

My poor 28 y.o. happens to call as I finish reading .I am terrified it will make my oldest re think things.Then I print it cause I'm on my way to an appt. with my shrink.He tells me that adopted or not the guy is a jerk.Anyone that purposefully rains on someones parade like that is a jerk.I just worry it will break.I can rationally see it is going well.My 28 y.o. went to a bowl game near him and the next day they hung out all day.This Sat my daughter will be in his city watching her bfriend play a game and my oldest is going to the game with her and to eat.These are very good but I am still terrified.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for this great gift I have gotten but one moment I am walking on air then want to crawl under my bed and cry.It is almost like the strongest loss feelings are back.The afternoon we were leaving I went to the restroom because I thought I was having a heart attack,knew it was the beginning of a panic attack.Took a med my shrink insisted I take with me.When I had my next appt . my shrink said it was because I was getting ready to say goodbye.Not forever this time but still goodbye.

Today is just an all over the place day for me.

Thanks

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:09 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:31 PM
Happy b'day to your oldest! I'm so happy you got to buy and send a gift for him. Yes, reunion will bring back your original loss, then the loss of the time together and finally the loss of the adult and what should have been. This is normal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Vikki77
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:19 AM
Yes, it's normal. I know I have not been in adoption as long as you have, and my boys are still teens, but I feel this too. I have gotten physically sick at times after visits. It felt just like the last visit when they were babies, and I get this irrational fear that I will never see them again. Hugs to you. I'm sure it will be fine.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Vikki77
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:20 AM
Oh, I'm a dunce... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) So glad you had the opportunity to share this birthday with him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
megan91
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Never listen to jerks like that guy on your son's website. You gave your son life while giving another couple a chance to be parents. That was the best gift you could have ever given anybody. Happy birthday to him. So glad to hear you two communicate and see eachother. That gives me hope for sure. I hope you feel better soon and keep your head held high. lots of hugs out to you!
vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Megan, I know you meant well but our children were not gifts. Most of us both loved and wanted our baby but were not allowed to parent due to marital status and/or age. I know you're new and I wanted to give you a heads up on using that term regarding another mothers lost child. No harm done, it just can be a very touchy thing :)

Quoting megan91:

Never listen to jerks like that guy on your son's website. You gave your son life while giving another couple a chance to be parents. That was the best gift you could have ever given anybody. Happy birthday to him. So glad to hear you two communicate and see eachother. That gives me hope for sure. I hope you feel better soon and keep your head held high. lots of hugs out to you!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
snowwillow
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:23 PM

I called my bdaughter on her bday last week. We were talking and she said she had to go because her MOM was there to take her out to lunch.  I understood but still it kind of stung. She was 41, we have been in reunion since 2001. I am thankful that I get to call her on her bday.

Try not to think of the negative. I know it's hard. I agree that guy was a jerk. He's jealous because he secretely wants to find his family.

DVT
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:24 PM

Happy Birthday to your son! Reunions are like that so full of emotion -even after you've been in it for awhile! I think we never get caught up on our feelings especially those of loss. Pay no attention to the poster of your son - you know in your heart that he loves all of you :) After the fantastic visit with him - that shows you more than you realize. It's always tempting to want to visit more when they live so close! Take care!

2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:45 AM

I'm so happy for you, you can communicate with your son. The options of texting, e-mailing are so invaluable! I sure can relate to all the emotions you describe! Don't let that jerk poster rain on your parade. I would think him stating everything opposite of what your son wrote would rub him the wrong way too.

Enjoy the good memories of your time together, and replay those over and over again. It sure does help me cope. Unfortunately the grieving will happen.

I hope today is good for you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)