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crying hard

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:12 AM
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I cant stop. i am so scared that my son will never want to see me again for giving him up. the adoptive parents are so nice to my fiance and i. im just scared that there is a possibility that its fake and all they care about is having my baby. i read a few stories about adoption on the internet and some said that the adoptive mom said terrible things about her and the child wantex nothing to do with her. My son is only two months and i have a whole 18 years to go before knowing if they are going to be true to their word and be honest with him. i wasnt on any kind of drug except the occasional bowl of pot. and i wasnt an alcohalic. i did this out of pure love and knowing that i couldnt afford to take care of two childen. and since it hasnt had enough time in between the finalization, i cant say anything about these feelings to the adoptive parents because they could think im going to lose it on them and just not talk to me anymore. how do i calm these fears right now? I cant stop staring at his pictures. its been a little while since i had a break down like this and my fiance is asleep so i dont want to wake him...
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:12 AM
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Replies (1-9):
wannabpregnant
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:14 AM
wake up your df and let him support you in this.
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megan91
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:18 AM
He always tells me he doesnt want to think about it because he doesnt want to be sad. so i sulk in silence. he doesnt dismiss me when im crying, but he doesnt like talking about it because he wants to be strong for me.
PortAngeles1969
by Group Owner on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:41 PM

Oh honey :(

I'm not sure about calming the fears but recognizing that they are just that now, fears is an important step. You are right, there are probably more stories written out there about adoptive parents backing away from whatever openness that was discussed early on. But people with amazing relationships probably are putting their engergy into that and not writing about it (does that make sense?).

It is hard to know what to do with these feelings - getting them out here is a good start. Men often deal with pain by stuffing it and that's what it sounds like your DF is doing :( But you guys ARE in this together and both dealing with the grief so maybe you could agree to honor each other's preference in grieving by once in a while doing what helps the other person.

I'm so sorry that you're in the middle of this fear. RIght now it is "what ifs" which are valid possibilities but you don't want to miss out on what you have now in terms of communication by focusing on what might happen. Don't discuss these things with the APs - put them out here.


2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:50 AM

I'm glad you found us early on. No one can tell you what will happen communicating with the aparents later on. We all have different stories to tell. We're here to support and really "listen" to you. Are you in counseling? Do you think your fiance would agree to go? I repressed everything for 32 years, then was slammed with the reality of what I had done at the time of reunion. Your fiance will have to deal with his feelings eventually.

I hope you continue to have updates. Will you see him?

Gwen72
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:42 AM

My placed son was 19 when we reunited.  I had always feared that he would hate me for giving him up.  I found out that his parents had raised him to know that I loved him but was a young teenager with no support and wanted him to have a better life than I had.  He said that he knew I was between a rock and a hard place and that he thought I had made the right decision.  He said he had never had any hard feelings toward me.  I hope your child will have the same understanding when he grows up.  (((hugs)))

Blah-a-dee
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Oh honey. Im sorry. Do you have an open adoption? Or is it closed? <3 My heart goes out to you. You can talk to me anytime you want to. I know how it feels for noone to talk to about your feeling towards the adoption. Why dont you start a blog of writing down everything that you feel to get it out. 

megan91
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:56 PM
Quoting Blah-a-dee:

Oh honey. Im sorry. Do you have an open adoption? Or is it closed? <3 My heart goes out to you. You can talk to me anytime you want to. I know how it feels for noone to talk to about your feeling towards the adoption. Why dont you start a blog of writing down everything that you feel to get it out. 




i have an open adoption. thanks for the support. i just received more pics and a very beautiful gift from the adoptive parents molly and dino. the gift was a frame with the mold of his little hand and a great up close face pic. it was a great gesture. <3
Blah-a-dee
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:34 AM



Quoting megan91:

Quoting Blah-a-dee:

Oh honey. Im sorry. Do you have an open adoption? Or is it closed? <3 My heart goes out to you. You can talk to me anytime you want to. I know how it feels for noone to talk to about your feeling towards the adoption. Why dont you start a blog of writing down everything that you feel to get it out. 




i have an open adoption. thanks for the support. i just received more pics and a very beautiful gift from the adoptive parents molly and dino. the gift was a frame with the mold of his little hand and a great up close face pic. it was a great gesture. <3


That is good! My sons fathers made a facebook for him and me and the bio dad are his only friends on it. And we see pictures of him a couple times a month. Dont keep things bottled in, that is the worse thing to do. 

megan91
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:34 AM
Quoting Blah-a-dee:




no i dont keep things bottled in. i just was in a really bad position and was either going to do adoption or be homeless and have both of my children taken away. so i gave my newborn and my two year old son a better life because we were able to come to a state with better economy and find jobs and i havent really had time to feel...i have a lot to take care of but we can do it...
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