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Moms counseled to sign contact veto at relinquishment?

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:21 AM
  • 49 Replies
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Never fails that adoption policy can still shock and outrage me
But it blew my socks off again to hear this

My state will allow adoptees born in 2000 and after full access to their OBC at 21.
Good. Most are open adoptions nowadays anyways- no big deal right?
I've been thinking all along that at least these new adoptees won't have any problems getting 'theirs" and FINALLY the legislators are getting it. At least for some...

NOT so much. I learned yesterday that Mothers are being counseled to sign contact vetos AT RELINQUISHMENT! Gasp! If there is a contact veto- NO OBC for these kids.
WTH? I do get that a small number of relinquishing mothers would choose a closed adoption.
But isn't no identify shared between A & B parents enough? Do these asswipe SW's inform the Moms that at anytime- they can rescind the veto? I don't trust them to do so.
And I can't believe the #%£¥* agencies have come up with this shady solution.

When will they give up those secrets and lies- forever and for all?
Rrrgh
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:07 AM

heres the statutes for those adoptees born jan. 1, 2000 and beyond. 

Access to Original Birth Certificate
Citation: Fam. Law §§ 5-359; 5-3A-42; 5-3B-29


For adoptions finalized on or after 1-1-2000:

  • An adoptee who is at least age 21 may apply to the Secretary for a copy of his or her original birth certificate.
  • If an adoptee is at least age 21, a birth parent may apply to the Secretary for a copy of the adoptee's original birth certificate.

A birth parent may file with the Director a disclosure veto to bar disclosure of information about that parent in an accessible record. The birth parent may also cancel a disclosure veto and refile a disclosure veto at any time.

An adult adoptee may file a disclosure veto to bar disclosure of information about him or her in an accessible record. The adoptee may also cancel a disclosure veto and refile a disclosure veto at any time.

Except as provided below, the Secretary shall give to each applicant who meets the requirements of this section a copy of each record that the applicant requested and that the Secretary has on file.

Whenever a birth parent applies for a record, the Secretary shall redact from the copy all information as to:

  • The other birth parent if that parent has filed a disclosure veto
  • The adoptee and each adoptive parent if the adoptee has filed a disclosure veto

Whenever an adoptee applies for a record, the Secretary shall redact from the copy all information as to the birth parent if that parent has filed a disclosure veto.

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:03 PM

 This just makes me ill. I'm amazed that these "people" (they are less than actually) can sleep at night.

doodlebopfan
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:17 PM

 Where did you learn that they are asking them to sign the veto at birth? Am I misreading the above? I'm guessing that anyone born in 2000 is 13 are younger in age at this point, and can they really sign a veto at this age? Is this something the AP's sign for the adoptee? So birth parents are given the change to choose a closed adoption with the option of rescinding the veto and asking for contact at anytime in the future?

It does seem like a game of "cat & mouse" could go on FOREVER if both kept signing and rescinding the veto at opposite times. :(  

adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:46 PM
Quoting doodlebopfan:

 Where did you learn that they are asking them to sign the veto at birth? Am I misreading the above? I'm guessing that anyone born in 2000 is 13 are younger in age at this point, and can they really sign a veto at this age? Is this something the AP's sign for the adoptee? So birth parents are given the change to choose a closed adoption with the option of rescinding the veto and asking for contact at anytime in the future?


It does seem like a game of "cat & mouse" could go on FOREVER if both kept signing and rescinding the veto at opposite times. :(  




The agencies have been telling moms to sign a contact veto at relinquishment. 2000 forward. These kids won't get to request their OBC's until they are 21. 2021.
So now they have something in writing that (promises) moms that don't want to be found their privacy/confidentially whatever. They are testifying against our bill that originally covered everyone- with removing contact vetos and allowing these people that do not want to be found to attach a contact preference. Yes I want contact - no I don't want contact- or contact through an intermediary. Our bill says either way records are released and you get heads up to the other parties wishes. They 'can't go back on the promise' now with a document....

So the bill has been amended to only cover adoptions from 1947 when the records were sealed until dec 31, 1999.
IT SUCKS that if this passes we still have people left behind.

Leg hearings with public testimony are now taped for viewing. It's on something called mediasite. I d/l the app but can't figure out how to work it to try and share.
doodlebopfan
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:57 PM

 OK, I guess I'm just dense. What reasoning would an agency use to have her sign a contact veto at birth? Also, this is something that I've been thinking a lot about lately (not sure why), but as a society, are we going "back" to shame and hiding in adoption? You'd sign this contact veto so that no one could find out you relinquished a child for adoption? Just trying to figure this out. Help.

Quoting adopteeme:

Quoting doodlebopfan:

 Where did you learn that they are asking them to sign the veto at birth? Am I misreading the above? I'm guessing that anyone born in 2000 is 13 are younger in age at this point, and can they really sign a veto at this age? Is this something the AP's sign for the adoptee? So birth parents are given the change to choose a closed adoption with the option of rescinding the veto and asking for contact at anytime in the future?


It does seem like a game of "cat & mouse" could go on FOREVER if both kept signing and rescinding the veto at opposite times. :(  




The agencies have been telling moms to sign a contact veto at relinquishment. 2000 forward. These kids won't get to request their OBC's until they are 21. 2021.
So now they have something in writing that (promises) moms that don't want to be found their privacy/confidentially whatever. They are testifying against our bill that originally covered everyone- with removing contact vetos and allowing these people that do not want to be found to attach a contact preference. Yes I want contact - no I don't want contact- or contact through an intermediary. Our bill says either way records are released and you get heads up to the other parties wishes. They 'can't go back on the promise' now with a document....

So the bill has been amended to only cover adoptions from 1947 when the records were sealed until dec 31, 1999.
IT SUCKS that if this passes we still have people left behind.

Leg hearings with public testimony are now taped for viewing. It's on something called mediasite. I d/l the app but can't figure out how to work it to try and share.

 

Lurion
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:58 PM

They'll give them up when they stop making money off their secrets and lies. 

Lemme get this straight--one side of their mouths: "You are doing the best possible thing for your child. Heroic, in fact! The least selfish, best possible thing you can do. Ever!"

Other side of their mouth--"However, if you don't want there to be any chance, any how, that anyone can ever find out that you've done such a heroic thing, better sign here now." 

drfink
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:20 PM

 Yup protecting birthmoms ...bwahahahahahahaha

At my agency in the dorm we lived in there was one phone...pay ...outside the dorm parents rooms/apt.We had to ask permission to use the phone.Once a girl went into labor she was not allowed to make or recieve calls untill she was back from the hospital and signed the TPR.They told us this was to protect us because grandparents ,aunts ,uncles ,parents etc had been known to want to help out once the baby was here.The agency respected us too much to have someone else influence and pressure us to keep a baby we knew was better off with their adoptive parents.Yup they said that....protecting their merchandise actually.

drfink
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

 I know an adoptee from my birthmom ,adoptee ,A.P. group and his birthmom completely rejected him.Got an order immediately but did give him his birth fathers full name.His birthfather is fully in his life ,attends the grandkids bday parties along with his amom.He realizes this is about her not him.

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:45 PM


Well it's good that at least she disclosed the father's info. It drive me nuts when bmoms wont to that "because the father didn't deserve it".

Quoting drfink:

 I know an adoptee from my birthmom ,adoptee ,A.P. group and his birthmom completely rejected him.Got an order immediately but did give him his birth fathers full name.His birthfather is fully in his life ,attends the grandkids bday parties along with his amom.He realizes this is about her not him.



Lurion
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:58 PM

Just a guess--

I would imagine that most women who would choose a closed adoption nowadays, are either doing it because they buy into the idea that they can "move on with their life and leave this all behind them" or because there was some abuse/neglect invovled that they don't want to have to face later, or that they genuinely think their child is better off not knowing they're adopted. 

So if the agency people reiinforce the package deal that they can just walk away and it's all but guaranteed they won't have to deal with any after effects of this decision, it makes it easier for them to sign? 



Quoting doodlebopfan:

 OK, I guess I'm just dense. What reasoning would an agency use to have her sign a contact veto at birth? Also, this is something that I've been thinking a lot about lately (not sure why), but as a society, are we going "back" to shame and hiding in adoption? You'd sign this contact veto so that no one could find out you relinquished a child for adoption? Just trying to figure this out. Help.

Quoting adopteeme:

Quoting doodlebopfan:

 Where did you learn that they are asking them to sign the veto at birth? Am I misreading the above? I'm guessing that anyone born in 2000 is 13 are younger in age at this point, and can they really sign a veto at this age? Is this something the AP's sign for the adoptee? So birth parents are given the change to choose a closed adoption with the option of rescinding the veto and asking for contact at anytime in the future?


It does seem like a game of "cat & mouse" could go on FOREVER if both kept signing and rescinding the veto at opposite times. :(  




The agencies have been telling moms to sign a contact veto at relinquishment. 2000 forward. These kids won't get to request their OBC's until they are 21. 2021.
So now they have something in writing that (promises) moms that don't want to be found their privacy/confidentially whatever. They are testifying against our bill that originally covered everyone- with removing contact vetos and allowing these people that do not want to be found to attach a contact preference. Yes I want contact - no I don't want contact- or contact through an intermediary. Our bill says either way records are released and you get heads up to the other parties wishes. They 'can't go back on the promise' now with a document....

So the bill has been amended to only cover adoptions from 1947 when the records were sealed until dec 31, 1999.
IT SUCKS that if this passes we still have people left behind.

Leg hearings with public testimony are now taped for viewing. It's on something called mediasite. I d/l the app but can't figure out how to work it to try and share.

 



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