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How do I tell my sons that they have a sister that I gave away........

I promise one day soon I will tell my whole story but for now I need a bit of advice.

My boys were 11 and 8 when I gave birth to their baby sister.  Neither of them even knew I was pregnant.  I was only in the hospital 36 hours so they hardly missed me.  They have seen pictures of her around my room and in my cell phone but I lied as to who she really is.

I want to tell them SOOOOOO bad so I dont have to hide her anymore.  But I am afraid that they will hate me for giving her up because I hate myself for it.  

I thought about only telling my oldest because he is more mature but I don't want to put the burden of hiding it from his brother.

Any thoughts, ideas, and/or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:23 PM
Replies (11-17):
2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I told my oldest, a daughter at about 13. I wanted to protect her from what happened to me, so she wouldn't place herself in that situation. ( My 14 year old boyfriend had planned to have sex with me while we were alone together). Later, when my son found me. I told my youngest sons. They were 13 and 17. They weren't angry, but have seemed disinterested in him, and they have not met. None of my children have asked about him. They have seen me sad and crying at times, so I think they would rather not bring it up. I hope they meet each other some day. They are all grown now.

CaileighsMom608
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:47 AM
I get updates about 4 times a year and one annual visit that I could bring the boys too. But it gets hard for me to leave her at the end of the visit sometimes I don't want the boys to feel the pain I do but at the same time I feel like I am lying by ommission
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snowwillow
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 5:39 PM

My son was only 23 years old when I told him that he had a sister that we had given up 6 years before he was born. He didn't take it very well, wondered why we had lied to him by omission, I did not see the need to tell him since I was told I could never ever find her. Well we know that is a lie. I did find her and I did have to tell my son. She is 41 and he is 35.

 I think you should tell them now and tell them together. I was a coward, I told the rest of my family with an email.

randi1978
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 7:28 PM

How did they not know you were pregnant?  My daughter was 3 1/2 and she knew I was pregnant. 

As for what to tell them.....just sit down and tell them.  It's all you can do.

drfink
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:55 PM

 I told mine as a little older teenagers.Each one was younger than the one before.Till last late spring when I told my youngest two at the same time.There had been contact.Mine were fine ,actually felt sorry for me a little but took it in stride.Off and on they asked questions as they thought of them .For my family earlier would have been fine also.Every family is different.

MoLLiy
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:53 PM
My daughter was 3 when Makayla was born. I never told her I was pregnant but she figured it out. She is now 6 1/2 and knows all about her sister who will turn 3 at the end of this month. I have no idea how I will tell my 4month old son. My daughter will probably tell him for me but I'd rather do it myself.
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CaileighsMom608
by Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:30 PM

My youngest touhed my belly at 4 months and said you have a baby in there and I quickly denied it and he never mentioned it again.  

I didnt start really showing until 7-8 months.  That and the fact that they are oblivious boys worked great in my favor.  I stood with things in front of me.  Sat in certain ways so it wouldnt noticable.  VERY Few people knew I was pregnant.  I didnt officially tell my mother until I went into labor!

Quoting randi1978:

How did they not know you were pregnant?  My daughter was 3 1/2 and she knew I was pregnant. 

As for what to tell them.....just sit down and tell them.  It's all you can do.


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