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the loss of a child to adoption or death

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:02 AM
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Ok. i was at work yesterday and we were on a fifteen minute break. i asked about this girl tattoo on her chest. it was her daughters hand prints and her name. i didnt know she had a kid. i am raising my two year old boy. i asked how old she was and she said three. well i said that we should hang out because my son needs friends. well she told me her daughter died. of course i said i was sorry and that i know better than anyone there does to lose a child. i said i placed my son for adoption in november and that the loss is pretty similar. there were a few people that said i had no idea what i was talking about and that the feeling doesnt even come close...i was hurt so bad by that and walked back inside without saying a word....was i wrong or am i being too sensitive? I feel like the loss is similar...
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:56 AM
3 moms liked this
We have a few mothers here that have lost a child to both. Some say losing a child to adoption is worse as there is no closure and here is no family/friend support during grieving.

Who ever said you were insensitive is an ignorant louse. Most of society has the same view though.
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Fab74
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Losing a child to adoption implies you have to mourn the loss of a loved one you know hasn't passed. How does one mourn someone who is alive??? Without closure, one can never heal.

What did the woman say? That should be your only concern and the opportunity to help each other heal and teach each other there are many ways to overcome grief. 

momofquinadeva
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:52 AM

I have lost a child to adoption and death!!!! ...................        :(

megan91
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:37 AM
Quoting momofquinadeva:

I have lost a child to adoption and death!!!! ...................        :(




im really sorry to hear that! That has got to be rough!
megan91
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:41 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting Fab74:

Losing a child to adoption implies you have to mourn the loss of a loved one you know hasn't passed. How does one mourn someone who is alive??? Without closure, one can never heal.

What did the woman say? That should be your only concern and the opportunity to help each other heal and teach each other there are many ways to overcome grief. 




she didnt say anything herself because it was an uncomfertable topic. she is still really young(18) and she just quickly changed the subject and said she didnt want to talk about it because she was already having a bad day at work...she didnt want to be sad too...she wasnt rude but it was hard for me to hold my tounge when it came to what others said. they have no idea about how either situations feel like. but for her sake i held my tounge and walked away!
Vikki77
by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 3:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Hugs... I can't imagine. :'(

Quoting momofquinadeva:

I have lost a child to adoption and death!!!! ...................        :(

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CaileighsMom608
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 10:19 AM

 I am soo very sorry

Quoting momofquinadeva:

I have lost a child to adoption and death!!!! ...................        :(

 

doodlebopfan
by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 10:39 AM

 Many people simply don't understand or even acknowledge the loss involved in adoption. They see it as a win-win situation. I'm so sorry for your loss and that others didn't understand that you have one.  :( 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 5:00 PM

No you weren't being too sensivite. Adoption loss is a huge loss, but only those who've lived it, or people who really think about it "get it". 

krystaldawn_21
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM

I feel like the loss is very similar as well. When people talk to me about it I tell them it feels like they died. I know my kids didn't but the pain is very real and very similar. Some people get it and others don't. We know how we feel and others will or will not accept it. Stay strong though.

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