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I'm not a birthmom, but have a question.

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 2:37 AM
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 I found out I was having a baby when I turned 17. I was too young...way to young for that. I was also married at 17 (second mistake) and I had cheated and it wasn't not my husbands baby. Well my husband wanted nothing to do with my daughter. I had the bright idea to let my parents have her. I was the only child and my parents had wanted more children but it never happened. Anyways, I gave temp custody for her to them. Moved 6 hours away to distance myself. But I relized I could go through with it. I went to get my baby back! My question is, how do all of you do this? How do you cope with seeing pictures of your babies (if you have an open adoption) and know your not there. I lost my husband when I got her back. I was 18 with no job, a new born, and no place to live pretty much; but I had my baby. It was my parents so I mean I could get her back no problem. But you guys can do that. You have lose your babies and want ever get them back in that way.

by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 2:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Aislin
by Bronze Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 9:43 AM

You just kind of learn to cope. Many of us didn't have an actual choice. I can't speak for how anyone else lives with this but for me I just live for each day. Some days are better than others. The pain is always there but I am able to live. I keep a journal and make things for my daughter. I know she might not want them when she grows up but it helps me to do it. 

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 11:08 AM
2 moms liked this
One of the first things to remind yourself of when you wake in the morning is not to commit suicide that day. Then next task is to think of those around you that need you too. Then push yourself to do what needs to be done that day.

Im glad you went back for your daughter.

Aislin is correct, most of us had no choice.
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drfink
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 1:31 PM

nothing more to add to Aislin and vamp.They have said it perfectly .

drfink
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 1:32 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting vampporcupine:

One of the first things to remind yourself of when you wake in the morning is not to commit suicide that day. 

every single day...

omm76002
by Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 2:44 PM

 Why would you not have a choice? I am just trying to understand from an outside point of view I guess. I had no money nor a way to take care of her. And 6 months after her I got prego again (smart huh?) but some how I have made it work. Their 1 and 2 now and they have what they need. Maybe not what they want, but they don't go without much. I do get help with PA and people judge because of that. But I now go to school and bettering my life for them. I am just trying to understand why give up your children? I mean for some people it doesn't affect them to where they are so depressed they want to kill themselves. But if you feel that way...why do it in the first place? There are so many ways to get help. Again I'm not saying what you did was wrong so don't take it that way. But I am truly trying to understand. What made me think of this question, there was a featured post yesterday about a "birthmother stalking" and everyone was saying cut her off. And I wanted to slap everyone who said that. I think you should have the right to get your baby back....no matter what. YOU made that baby, not the "new mommy and daddy". That i your flesh and blood, and for other people to say cut her off and have nothing to do with her is awful. IMO I can't help but wonder why people feel pressured into this torment and pain. To feel like you have option in the matter.

Quoting vampporcupine:

One of the first things to remind yourself of when you wake in the morning is not to commit suicide that day. Then next task is to think of those around you that need you too. Then push yourself to do what needs to be done that day.

Im glad you went back for your daughter.

Aislin is correct, most of us had no choice.

 

omm76002
by Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 Why did you have no choice? And what kind of adoption do you have? Do you see pictures and such? Or is it closed. Will your daughter know anything about you? Do you plan to meet her after she is 18+?

Quoting Aislin:

You just kind of learn to cope. Many of us didn't have an actual choice. I can't speak for how anyone else lives with this but for me I just live for each day. Some days are better than others. The pain is always there but I am able to live. I keep a journal and make things for my daughter. I know she might not want them when she grows up but it helps me to do it. 

 

Aislin
by Bronze Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 3:26 PM

There are a lot of different stories and experiences. In my case, I said I would not do the adoption before the birth so I was heavily drugged. They say I signed the papers but I have no memory of it and it doesn't look like my signature. 

Quoting omm76002:

 Why did you have no choice? And what kind of adoption do you have? Do you see pictures and such? Or is it closed. Will your daughter know anything about you? Do you plan to meet her after she is 18+?

Quoting Aislin:

You just kind of learn to cope. Many of us didn't have an actual choice. I can't speak for how anyone else lives with this but for me I just live for each day. Some days are better than others. The pain is always there but I am able to live. I keep a journal and make things for my daughter. I know she might not want them when she grows up but it helps me to do it. 

 


"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." ~ Rose Kennedy

omm76002
by Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 Couldn't you have changed your mind them? You weren't under your "right mind" to sign a legal contract right?

Quoting Aislin:

There are a lot of different stories and experiences. In my case, I said I would not do the adoption before the birth so I was heavily drugged. They say I signed the papers but I have no memory of it and it doesn't look like my signature. 

Quoting omm76002:

 Why did you have no choice? And what kind of adoption do you have? Do you see pictures and such? Or is it closed. Will your daughter know anything about you? Do you plan to meet her after she is 18+?

Quoting Aislin:

You just kind of learn to cope. Many of us didn't have an actual choice. I can't speak for how anyone else lives with this but for me I just live for each day. Some days are better than others. The pain is always there but I am able to live. I keep a journal and make things for my daughter. I know she might not want them when she grows up but it helps me to do it. 

 


 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 4:00 PM

The pictures I received were exactly what helped me cope.  When I couldn't handle it on my own I found a support group and a therapist that specialized in the emotional impact of adoption.

I'm so happy for you and your little girl weren't separated by adoption. you're both so lucky.

Aislin
by Bronze Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I did try to revoke my consent but the agency held the revocation papers. There was a court case. To be honest, I am just too tired to get into the whole case today.

Quoting omm76002:

 Couldn't you have changed your mind them? You weren't under your "right mind" to sign a legal contract right?

Quoting Aislin:

There are a lot of different stories and experiences. In my case, I said I would not do the adoption before the birth so I was heavily drugged. They say I signed the papers but I have no memory of it and it doesn't look like my signature. 

Quoting omm76002:

 Why did you have no choice? And what kind of adoption do you have? Do you see pictures and such? Or is it closed. Will your daughter know anything about you? Do you plan to meet her after she is 18+?

Quoting Aislin:

You just kind of learn to cope. Many of us didn't have an actual choice. I can't speak for how anyone else lives with this but for me I just live for each day. Some days are better than others. The pain is always there but I am able to live. I keep a journal and make things for my daughter. I know she might not want them when she grows up but it helps me to do it. 

 


 


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