My son turned nine on March 31st and his first mother did not call or text to wish him a Happy Birthday. She has full and complete contact and access to him and things have been going well. She came to his basketball games here recently, she's taken him to her house with his two little brothers for a few hours. It all seemed perfectly fine.
My friends from this group who also know me on Facebook know that I posted an adorable new picture of him on his birthday and I tagged all of our family and his biological family (including "E" of course) and yet she didn't comment that she liked the picture or to please tell him Happy Birthday or....ANYTHING.
He is exceptionally bright and even if he weren't, WHO wouldn't notice that their mother didn't wish them a Happy Birthday??? My point is, that I KNOW he noticed but he's said nothing...
Do I ask him how he feels about it? Cause from some of his behavior, attitudes and statements later in the week, it's pretty obvious SOMETHING is bothering him and since he had a nice birthday otherwise, I would "think" what's bothering him is her not calling...
But I'm going to be blunt: I'm SCARED to ask him about it. I was raised that we didn't talk about feelings. I didn't see my mother cry until I was like 30. You didn't show or talk about emotions. (Consequently I am completely the opposite - I wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes I'm a big crybaby.)
So I'm truly SCARED to ask him if he's upset because "E" didn't call him. I'm afraid of what he'll say, I'm afraid of the expression on his little face, I'm afraid I'll cry and make things worse. I'm afraid I won't know what to say to make him feel better.
HOWEVER. I know that he NEEDS to get it out. So I should ask him right? Any suggestions? Just come right out with it?? Beat around the bush and hint??
As nervous as I am to have the conversation with him, first and foremost I want him to be able to express his feelings. Adoptees would you have wanted to talk about something like this when you were nine or would you have preferred your a-parents left you the hell alone about it?
HELP. :( :(