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Does it ever...

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 12:51 AM
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Hurt less on birthdays and holidays... My heart is just shattered! How do you other moms make these days easier?
by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 8:32 AM

Hugs help. Support from those you love and those who have been there. We are here for you and will listen and care about you. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Time does help a little.


onethentwins
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes. When you're reunited and you get to celebrate together.  But there's still days that suck. 

drfink
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 5:02 PM
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Quoting 2jeffsmom:

Hugs help. Support from those you love and those who have been there. We are here for you and will listen and care about you. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Time does help a little.


Agree.Not to be a downer but be a little careful with whom you share your feelings  about these special days IRL.I have good friends that mean well ,I guess ,that would rattle on about moving on ,,feeling at peace ,doing the best blah blah blah .None of that negates the hole left in your heart.I also have good friends that may not completely get it but they are willing to just be supportive, no lectures.They don't so much make it better but they are soothing.

drfink
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 5:19 PM


Quoting onethentwins:

Yes. When you're reunited and you get to celebrate together.  But there's still days that suck. 

I SO envy your reunion.I realize you put a huge amount of effort into it but his aparents seem reasonable.


onethentwins
by Gold Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 5:24 PM
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Quoting drfink:

Quoting onethentwins:

Yes. When you're reunited and you get to celebrate together.  But there's still days that suck. 

I SO envy your reunion.I realize you put a huge amount of effort into it but his aparents seem reasonable.


His aparents are awesome, not just with me and Danny, but with his sister and her birthparents too.  I think a lot of that has to do with the relationship and the correspondence we had before and during his childhood, there was a lot of trust built up during that time.  Of course that makes me have very mixed emotions on the pre-birth matching debate. 

drfink
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 5:45 PM
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Not with mine.She is flat out jealous he has siblings via me.She not only has told me repetitively my children are hers but she can't wait to be a grandmother via my children .She has grand parent names picked out for her and his afather SMH. My 29 yr old is in law school after being medically retired from the Army.He and my new d-i-l aren't planning babies for a couple of years.We discussed this, he has assured me,while laughing at my worries LOL , his children will ONLY have two sets of grandparents and  she ain't one of them .I often wonder would she think it was ok if I told her I want to adopt him back or is telling me she really wants to adopt my children so she can have a big family is different some how.She seems to have me confused as the person that provides children to  enlarge her family.

The LCSW facilitator in my IRL group works in reunion as her job.She has told me aparents inviting themselves to weddings is a new one.She warned me the nasty things she says via text ,email ,phone and in person when she thinks none of my children are around are meant to provoke me so she can say see what a bitch I am.That then my oldest would discard me but keep his siblings.I bite my tongue ,smile hard and no longer read her stuff or answer when she calls.....I WILL NOT BE PROVOKED...my mantra.

Quoting onethentwins:


Quoting drfink:

Quoting onethentwins:

Yes. When you're reunited and you get to celebrate together.  But there's still days that suck. 

I SO envy your reunion.I realize you put a huge amount of effort into it but his aparents seem reasonable.


His aparents are awesome, not just with me and Danny, but with his sister and her birthparents too.  I think a lot of that has to do with the relationship and the correspondence we had before and during his childhood, there was a lot of trust built up during that time.  Of course that makes me have very mixed emotions on the pre-birth matching debate. 


mom2rhea-ann
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 1:01 PM

I wish I had comforting words for you but I don't. And I am the one who lost her 3 girls 14 years ago. It all is still so painful...My heart aches every birthday or holiday or when I start thinking about them out of the blue.

For birthdays I have always gotten them a card and written them notes as to how I am feeling that day. Holidays are not easy at all. And when I think of them out of the blue is not easy either. There are times when I just break down and cry and like I said this is over 14 years later. I would have hoped that time would eased it a little but it doesn't. If anything it gets worse over time because you get your hopes up of them becoming of age  so you can reunite with them. This is where I am now. It won't be long they will come looking for me I just feel it....So that feeling has gotten very intense with my youngest reaching out to me through me niece. Very intense!!!!

I am actually going to be seeking counseling in the near future to help me prepare for the reunion and to help me process and deal with all the emotions that I feel regarding the relinquishment of my girls.

I do wish you the best of luck in trying to cope with all the emotions that you feel. I will let you know how counseling pans out for me. 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 1:54 PM

It's very important that you go to someone who is well versed in Adoption and the lifelong emotions. Can we help you find someone in your area?

Quoting mom2rhea-ann:


I am actually going to be seeking counseling in the near future to help me prepare for the reunion and to help me process and deal with all the emotions that I feel regarding the relinquishment of my girls.



mom2rhea-ann
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 2:41 PM

If you can help with that I would greatly appreciate it. I live in Converse, Tx just outside of San Antonio...

Quoting onethentwins:

It's very important that you go to someone who is well versed in Adoption and the lifelong emotions. Can we help you find someone in your area?

Quoting mom2rhea-ann:

I am actually going to be seeking counseling in the near future to help me prepare for the reunion and to help me process and deal with all the emotions that I feel regarding the relinquishment of my girls.



onethentwins
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 3:52 PM

you're in luck. I've heard good things about this woman, Patricia Dorner: http://www.dorneradoptiontraining.com/index.html

Adoption Counseling & Search * 6701 Blanco Rd., #1120 * San Antonio, TX 78216* (210) 341-2070

She's also likely to know of any other resources in your area. 

Quoting mom2rhea-ann:

If you can help with that I would greatly appreciate it. I live in Converse, Tx just outside of San Antonio...

Quoting onethentwins:

It's very important that you go to someone who is well versed in Adoption and the lifelong emotions. Can we help you find someone in your area?

Quoting mom2rhea-ann:

I am actually going to be seeking counseling in the near future to help me prepare for the reunion and to help me process and deal with all the emotions that I feel regarding the relinquishment of my girls.



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