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birthmom regret

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:13 PM
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To birthmoms, do you regret placing. If so why. If not, why.
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:15 PM

Yes, I regret placing, only because of the huge hit my son has taken in his life. He has suffered with alcoholism, an attachment disorder and a lot of pain due to adoption. It may be his personality that has affected his reaction to adoption. He's sure he hasn't had children due to his adoption. The thought of his pain is too much some times. I know I can't change it, but I'll continue to be here for him when he's ready

snowi
by New Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this
2jeffsmom, I'm so sorry that must be so hard for you. Thank you for sharing your expierence
vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:50 PM

Just wondering why you are asking. 

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 2:54 PM

Yes. Giving up my son has caused me extensive grief and pain, but worse than that, caused all kinds of emotional damage to my son.

mrsary
by Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 5:50 AM
I don't regret it. I just wish I had the support and opportunity to keep them (twins b/g).
snowi
by New Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 10:19 PM
I'm looking into adoption because I'm considering placing. It seems like a lot of birth moms regret placing and I thought this would be a good place to ask about it. Thanks so much to all who have shared

Quoting vampporcupine:

Just wondering why you are asking. 

drfink
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 12:27 AM

There hasn't been a day that I haven't missed him and regretted him being adopted in 37 years.

Every holiday ,even when surrounded by my wonderful children I had later has pain associated with the days.It is kind of like a bleeding hole in your heart that never heals ,you just learn to cope and live with the painful ,bleeding hole.

For him ,I finally met him on Dec. 28 ,2012 , I wonder .He is gay and has a partner of six years.His adoptive parents refuse to accept or even acknowledge he is gay.He also is an aspiring writer ,he is a landman for an oil/gas company as his job ,he has written how it felt when he looked for me through the agency when he was 18 and was lied to and told I had not left contact info.He felt rejected AGAIN .I had left info but the bite lingers.

Not a day goes by I don't regret his adoption.

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 1:19 AM

I would not wish this life on anyone. I find it hard to "regret placing" when I don't think I actually placed. Under extreme duress (being screamed at day and night for months) I agreed to look into adoption. When you do so, it sets wheels in motion that are near impossible to stop as they (family, "professionals", adopters, etc) will stop at nothing to obtain your baby. Please don't consider it until after you have tried to parent your little one. Look into resources and support groups to help you parent. If you don't love or want your baby after trying, then you can say good bye. Adoption is not "a loving option". It is legally abandoning your baby to strangers who may or may not abuse your child. You have no way to know if your child is safe unless he or she is with you. 

Quoting snowi: I'm looking into adoption because I'm considering placing. It seems like a lot of birth moms regret placing and I thought this would be a good place to ask about it. Thanks so much to all who have shared
Quoting vampporcupine:

Just wondering why you are asking. 


adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Op, I'm glad you're open to listening to the Mothers here.
What they share of their experience is important to consider.
Maybe you can also get a feel for how adoptees are coping with adoption through the years as well. There are so many groups and blogs and support groups out there. I hope you'll take a look.
onethentwins
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 1:14 PM

There's tons of information in this group about the lifelong effects of adoption.  Check out the articles posted in some of the other forums of this group. Also we can help you find some of the practical resources available to you to help you parent.

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