Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Thank you

Posted by on Mar. 11, 2016 at 8:52 PM
  • 4 Replies
  • 377 Total Views
Thank you all for letting me join the group. As an adoptee who has plans to meet her BM in less then 2 weeks I want to be considerate of my BMoms feelings so I thought reading posts from all of you may help me gain some perspective. Wow adoption from your side is... wow! Very complex.

Do any of you have any advice for me for my upcoming reunion?
Questions I should avoid?
Questions I should ask?
Things you wish your child knew or could understand?
I read several posts saying life after a reunion was harder and felt like another loss... this is very concerning to me, what can I do to help avoid this? (Typing that feels presumptuous, I don't even know if she felt such a loss to begin with... am I an a-hole for thinking it's possible she didn't?)

Any insight you can provide is appreciated :)
by on Mar. 11, 2016 at 8:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-4):
vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2016 at 12:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Here is a link for "what not to say" http://www.originscanada.org/services/adoption-reunion/what-natural-parents-do-not-wish-to-hear/

2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2016 at 2:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Hoping you have a wonderful reunion! She is probably feeling the same as you. It's a wonderfully anxious feeling.

drfink
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2016 at 3:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations on finding your birth mother and your siblings.I am sorry you were not able to meet your birth father.

One of the things my son did for me that still makes me both cry AND smile was make an online photo album named The Story of XXXX. He was casual about it ,now I realize he was nervous also so was trying to avoid being pushy .He made on FB photo album after we spoke on the phone the first time.It was photos from his life ,he was 35 when I found him.A few baby ,couple toddler ,elementary ....included Boy Scouts ,athletic teams ,Halloween ,Easter ,bday parties....not all by any means haha but probably a picture sometimes 2 through high school.Couple from college and graduation .Then a hand full of adult photos.It has been a little over three years since I met him in person  and I still look at the pictures pretty regularly.

Just an opinion because I dont know but I think she did feel a loss of you .It seems from your other post she has continued to have a relationship with you after yall first made contact.If she had not felt a loss or cared she could have shut this down quickly at the beggining .

So excited for you and your birth mother !!!

 

sadsmile
by Member on Mar. 17, 2016 at 5:16 PM
1 mom liked this

B porposful in your contact. Plan ahead when and how you will contact next. Let her know of your intent for future contact even if it's just for the next time you plan on. And try very hard to stick to that. Maybe you could open the door for her to contact you also, what days or times are good for you etc. But just not open ended with no plans... tends to make ones mind wonder while waiting for contact at some point, and not knowing if they should be the one to reach out next. At least some effort in that direction may help aleive anxiety about what comes next on both sides. It's much easier to know x is going to happen in a week, or month or on a certain day, than just wondering and waiting. 

:)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)