Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do I deal with these feelings?

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 1:45 PM
  • 3 Replies
  • 235 Total Views
!0 years ago I was a scared 18 year old who found herself pregnant, alone, adn scared. I did the best thing I could do at that time and gave my sont he best chance at life by placing him up for adoption.  Fast forward to now and am I now a happily married mom to a beautiful 4 month old babygirl who is my world. My husband knows all about my son. I have never kept it a secret from anyone really. For the past two weeks though I have been kind of in mourning I guess. I am experiancing all these wonderful things with my lil girl and I cant help but think back to what I missed with him. Is this normal? Will it ever stop? By no means is it affecting my daughter but I don't want to feel this way anymore. It hurts. Has anyone felt this way also? If so, how did you deal with it?
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 1:45 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-3):
Sonnysunflowers
by on Jun. 21, 2007 at 12:05 AM
I lost my oldest two boys to the state back in like 1990, I soon straightened up and got married and started a family with my hubby, we have 3 kids together now, and have been married going on 17 years. But I felt soooo guilty bringing more kids into this world, when I wasn't taking care of my oldest two...my youngest 3,  are 15, 14, and 12, and it gets easier...with time...but now that I have been in contact with my oldest son(for 2 years now) That helps....and I'm searching for my other son also....
squiggs
by on Jun. 21, 2007 at 11:50 PM
i completely understand.

my first born was adopted by this wonderful couple.  He had severe health problems and I had no medical coverage and wasn't sure if I had the means to care for him.

I now have 2 beautiful children of my own and EVERY SINGLE DAY I think of my firstborn.  Every smile, every kiss, every hug, every milestone that is reached by my 2 kids, I think of him.  I think of all the things I've missed out on with my firstborn. 

I think of the day when he finds me (or even IF he finds me) and what he would say if he knew about his siblings.  Would he be angry...do I even deserve to have 2 beautiful healthy children because I tossed the first one away due to his imperfections and my immaturity.

I chose to have an open adoption, but the last time I saw my baby, it was in a church and he was wearing the baptismal gown I bought for him.  He will be 6 next month.  I just wanted to forget the whole entire experience because I didn't know how to deal with this emotionally, so I lost touch with his adoptive parents.

I love my children with my whole being, but raising them is a constant stabbing reminder of the child I no longer know.  I completely understand how you feel, so I'm guessing these feelings are normal. 
tex71
by New Member on Jun. 23, 2007 at 1:04 AM
I have to gave a son up for adoption almost 18 years ago. when my daughter was born (8 years ago) I went through the same thing. I kept saying to myself   i missed all of this wonderful stuff with him that i was feeling with my daughter and second guessing what i had did (giving him up) that was 8 years ago and I still get that way. I have no one really to talk to that understands how i feel. my husband knows about the adoption but just can't relate. I beat myself up for a long time about my feelings because i had no one to share them with and thought they were wrong. I did some research and found it is very normal to have these feelings. and it is important to share them with someone. I guess that is why I am on here now. looking for someone who has gone through the same thing. I wish i could tell you it will go away it didn't for me but i deal with it better now. does any of it really ever go away?
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)