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***Vent***It is Official! I no loner have a father!

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 11:42 PM
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Ladies,

I dont know where to turn to. You all know that, my family has not been behind me since they found out I was pregnant with my second child at the age of 32. Well, today is my father's birthday and I called to wish him a happy birthday and let him know that his first grandson would be making his apperance next week. he said thank you for the happy birthday but I do not have any grandson.

Why do people have to decide to make my life hell? Why would a father say that to his only daughter? I just want to know why!!! I feel totally alone in my life and decisions I make!

 

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 11:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rainfalls
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 11:44 PM

We're here for you...

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.  Keep your chin up.  He'll come around...

WISCONSON3
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 11:50 PM


Quoting rainfalls:

We're here for you...

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.  Keep your chin up.  He'll come around...


WISCONSON3

Southernroots
by Group Admin on Jan. 22, 2009 at 1:23 AM


Quoting MJRain:

Why do people have to decide to make my life hell? Why would a father say that to his only daughter? I just want to know why!!! I feel totally alone in my life and decisions I make!

Sometimes there are no reasonable explanations for what some people do, and this is one of those times.  Don't look for what he said to have any logical reason behind it.  There IS none.  What he said was cruel and unbelieveably mean and it is hard to imagine anyone saying such a thing to their daughter. 

I'm so sorry that he said what he did, but I have no idea why he'd say such a thing.  He's made his feelings clear.  Maybe he will change his mind later; maybe not.  But, don't count on much from him. In the meantime, don't waste your time or energy on him. 

With your baby's birth impending, try to focus only on that and everything else can wait. You are not alone.

PortAngeles1969
by Group Owner on Jan. 22, 2009 at 1:45 AM

It is amazing what parents will do and say when they are faced with an adopted child who suddenly "doesn't go with their flow"

When I became pregnant my adoptive mom told me that my adoptive father would come and visit me after the birth of my firstborn in the hospital, but ONLY if the baby were not in the room, and for me to know that he would be pretending that I was sick or having my tonsils out or something.  Horrible, and unbelievably callous - both to me and to his grandchild.

They said a whole lot of other things too in their disgust at how "this wasn't what was supposed to happen to them" - even after I made an adoption plan I heard comment after comment about:

"how hard they had tried to have a child"

"how much my mother tried to be the very best parent possible, because someone else entrusted me into her care"

"how my pregnancy caused them to question their faith"

"how my mother was worried that the preschool she ran out of a church was in danger - who would send their kids to a preschool when the owners own daughter was pregnant"

on and on........I can't even begin to tell you (and probably don't have to because it's happening to you) how as an adoptee this made me incredibly mad and alone in the world - the most alone that I had ever been.  When your adoptive parents turn their back on you in a closed adoption situation you are truly alone.

Sister - I've been there!  I didn't chose to keep my daughter (wish I had the strength to stand up to all the BS) and losing her on top of everything else almost broke me completely.  I'm still not sure how I made it through - but reading this from you tonight is making my blood boil anew with the memories.

I'm so sorry - they are so wrong - and it is completely unfair and uncalled for.

PortAngeles1969   www.postadoptioncoach.com

Group Owner:
Adoption
http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption  
Group Administrator: Birthmoms http://www.cafemom.com/group/birthmoms

Debra763
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 8:09 AM

It is a very selfish person that would feel that way in any situation toward their own child.  I wonder if there was really a crisis what would happen then? 

Hopefully he will come around soon.  If not, you be strong, hold your head up, give that child all the love in your heart, and be the parent he is not. 

I hope I am not sounding too harsh.  But that just aint right.  We are here for you and support you. 

breezy2005
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 8:19 AM

25 years ago I was kicked out of my birth parents home because I was about to have there first grandchild. I was told by both of my own birth parents they did not want anything to do with this " Bastard I was having". My baby was 8 months old before they seen her for the very first time. Now that it has been 25 years later my daughter I gave birth to has both her grand parents eating out of the palm of her hands.

Don't give up keep your chin and be a good mom to your baby. They will come around. And if they do not well that's their loss and they will be the one who suffers.

Angie

Jacemom
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 9:00 AM

When I was having my birthdaughter my grandmother told me that she could not see her. I am not sure if it was because she was afraid that the baby would remind her of "the donor" or if she would get attached wit her before I gave her up. Anyway, my grandparents showed  up and we had Alice in the room my mom got up to carry Alice out of the room of course passed right by her as she was walking out of the door. My grandmother stopped my mom and asked her to see the baby. She was Awe struck at Alice's beauty. She asked to hold her and has loved her ever since. My point is that your dad's heart my soften after the baby is born. I would send him pictures. Hell, I would send them all of the time and lots of them. And then if it does not work then I would write him off to being a jerk....

AuntDuke
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 9:02 AM

What ever is going on in his head is his problem, you need to live your life. If he comes around fine if he doesnt it is his loss. A lot of times a parent is that way because they think you can not afford another child or they fear for your well being or they figure if you have another kid you can not care for they will get the responiblity of caring for it. Alot of different reasons, sometimes they are just old and mean.

MY mom wanted me to give my son up for adoption because his father walked out on me, Sins of the father, I didnt and now you would think she gave birth to him and it was all her idea.

Just ignore him and live your life.

snowwillow
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 10:16 AM

Some people are just rigid, I hope when he see's your baby his heart will melt. I'm sorry you have to go through this too.

 

dmzach
by Member on Jan. 22, 2009 at 12:59 PM

MJRAIN, I am SO sorry to hear that. Alls I can say is just stay positive. It's not your fault. Nothing is. I'm sorry our fathers are so pigheaded.

My dad (we don't get a long) said that this was the best Christmas ever because his 2 only grandsons were with him for dinner. He was referring to my sisters babies. I was beside myself. I brought pictures of my son  through out the last few months to show anyone who was willing to see. No one had asked, but I wanted to show off my beautiful baby since he wasn't there in person with me. I thought I could see the joy in their face to say how beautiful he is.  Everyone eventually asked to see them but my dad. I had mentioned to him that I had them. As he was thumbing through the small album... he played "dumb" pretneding he didn't know what anyone was looking at. He asked me "who is that". The nerve. I've never hated anyone so much before as I hated my dad at that moment. I was crushed. I haven't spoken to him since and even before that, he hadn't talked to me since the day I told him I was pregnant. I am almost 30 years old....you'd think that I would be 15 or something for my dad to be treating me this way.

I just don't care anymore. I still stay as positive as I can. I just don't see them as much. I only come around now for the sake of the new babies. Keep your chin up. If you need to talk, PM me... :)

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