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Questioning the Group...

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:08 AM
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The more I become a part of this group the more I have come to wonder if this is really a "birthmothers" group.  I have no problem with welcoming adoptive mothers and adoptees.. maybe we could change the groups name from "Birthmoms" to something more includes adoptees and adoptive mothers...?

Maybe I'm in the wrong here?

I was just wondering...

 

by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PortAngeles1969
by Group Owner on Jan. 27, 2009 at 12:12 AM

I know rains.

I've wondered too about the intent of Sing4jc's original wording/description of the group vs. the name of the group. I can try to get ahold of her - she isn't online very often and was pretty specific in her wishes for Southern and I as admins.  Let me see if I can reach her.

 

 

 

PortAngeles1969   www.postadoptioncoach.com

Group Owner:
Adoption
http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption  
Group Administrator: Birthmoms http://www.cafemom.com/group/birthmoms

MJRain
by Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:52 AM

I am neither a "Birthmom" or an adoptee. But everyone here has helped in my decision to parent a child that otherwise would have been lost to the world of adoption. I am very greatfull to Saturn for pointing me in the direction to find you wonderful ladies. * that must be the biggest run on sentence I have ever written*

Love'

Joyce

PortAngeles1969
by Group Owner on Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:03 AM


Quoting MJRain:

 * that must be the biggest run on sentence I have ever written*

Love'

Joyce


LOL!  See we are rubbing off on you in all sorts of ways.

from (the queen of run on sentences herself),

PortAngeles1969   www.postadoptioncoach.com

Group Owner:
Adoption
http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption  
Group Administrator: Birthmoms http://www.cafemom.com/group/birthmoms

4time-mom
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 9:18 AM

To be honest, I joined this group because of the name - BIRTHmoms - thinking it'd be a great place for birthmoms to talk about their experiences & ask questions. The few times I've posted here, if feels like half of more of the answers aren't from other BIRTHmoms.  

Boofer
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 10:29 AM

I am a birthmom , but I am okay with things as I feel like I can weed out what I need to for myself, but I do get the confusion and need to have a group just for birthmoms - even though some birthmoms are multiple parts of the triad.  I think it is really hard to completely separate ourselves and I do find it helpful to look thru others' eyes so to speak.  I will go with the flow.

Another thought - if you limit it to only birthmoms does that include those who lost to foster care and infant adoption and those who are in reunification and those who aren't - there are just so many "ifs" to think about. 

I also think its great that adoptees and pap and aparents can see our views and feelings.  It is a way to have our voice heard.  Well, I will stop rambling...speaking of sentances...lol

 

Mother of 3, raised 2 - I lost my son to adoption June 1989.  I gave up my right to parent him; I kept my right to love him!.  Reunited with my son 8/13/07.  In his eyes, I may or may not ever be his mom, but he will always be my son. 


Favorite Quote:  "Love is infinite; you can always make more when you need it" - Twitches, Disney Channel Movie

ceejay1
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:46 PM

Hello to all, been a while, seems like, I just wanted to chime in my $.02 worth.  I joined Birthmoms be cause the name applied to me.  I did however see the caption at the beginning of the group which explains, this is a place for bmoms,amoms,adoptees, or considering.  So I think all are welcome, and the name BIRTHMOMS, says alot to those who happen upon the group.  Blessings to all...C.J.

CEEJAY1

Dylsmom101
by Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:38 PM


Quoting MJRain:

I am neither a "Birthmom" or an adoptee. But everyone here has helped in my decision to parent a child that otherwise would have been lost to the world of adoption. I am very greatfull to Saturn for pointing me in the direction to find you wonderful ladies. * that must be the biggest run on sentence I have ever written*

Love'

Joyce

I'm in the same boat as Joyce!  Except I am an adoptee.  Although my initial reason for joining was because I was trying to decide if I should parent my son or relinquish.  EVERYBODY told me that parenting Colin was the right choice, and they were right!  But, like Joyce I've grown to really like a lot of the ladies on here, and I keep coming back to support and defend birthmoms (when needed), and help others who were in my shoes decide. 

From the week when I didn't have Colin, I learned A LOT about how it feels to lose a child to adoption.  And how the adoption system can be.  I hope I'm still welcome here....I have so much understanding and respect for birthmoms and what they have to deal with everyday.....

PortAngeles1969
by Group Owner on Jan. 27, 2009 at 3:55 PM

I think that what rains was highlighting is that the group name leads some to believe that the group is solely made up of and for birthmoms.

We all know that birthmoms are the majority, and in my reading of Sing4jc's group definition it certainly includes other triad members - so I'm not thinking that we're talking about restricting membership at all!  Instead maybe making it more clear (either in the group name or definition) what our group composition is!

No, I would feel awful limiting it as I do think that having it "public" and open in membership allows for those that are interested in learning about a birthmom journey to hear first hand from us.  Of course that does mean that a few will come and use the free access for less than constructive means but I'd rather have to put up with that if it means we can help any member of the triad, or an expectant mother.

 

PortAngeles1969   www.postadoptioncoach.com

Group Owner:
Adoption
http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption  
Group Administrator: Birthmoms http://www.cafemom.com/group/birthmoms

stillamom1213
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 4:44 PM

Thank you. I know it is all up to you, but I think what little Colin's mom said speaks so much. I know that I bring her up a lot, but we made a difference. And she continues to make one. And all of the other mom's we have helped. I really think that all of us play a part in something special here. Amoms that have good questions, that really want to do the right thing. I applaud them for entering what can be the lion's den, and shouldn't be. I agree, maybe a name change would help, but as I said before, when this came up, I vote no, for limiting who can come. JMO :)

dmzach
by Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 6:36 PM

Rain... I would have go halfs with you on that. I agree, but I disagree. The group is called "birthmoms". Birthmoms come here to tell their story, give advice on others, etc..etc... on the other hand, there are other groups called "adoption" There you'd think that adoptive mothers and adoptees would share their stories, etc... etc....But we all are welcome to part take in those groups as well and share our own stories... so, no one is really right or wrong here. If I am understanding your post correctly, this is Cafemom... we all come here to share our stories, help others and just listen. No one folder should be designated for ones story more than the other.... do you see what I mean??

 

ladybug

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