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I'm Declaring an End to the War!!!

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 11:15 PM
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Ok, we all have different stories, different circumstances, different time period, different reasons, and may view adoption or our choice of adoption differently. But, this group is for BIRTHMOMS, any birthmom. I am speaking for myself when I say I have fought long and hard against all the stigmas and horrible things that people say and think about me soley based on the fact that I relinquished my son. I've had to deal with the pain I feel regarding adoption alone, I know no one else who understands it. That's what brought me here and it seems like we have become so divided that there is no longer support, conversations, or connection. This is a down right shame. I've fought what seems like the whole world and this is the place where I didn't have to fight and argue. We need to accept eachother's differences and we need to make this a place of refuge not a place of divided birthmoms with more labels.

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WISCONSON3
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 4:08 AM

 TO BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER HAS BEEN AMAZING FOR ME. THE WAR WILL ALWAYS HAVE A DIVISION IN MY HEART DUE TO THE FACTS.  I ASKED MY SELF HOW WOULD I SUPPORT MY DAUGHTERS??    MY ANSWER IS EASY, WE  KEEP  OUR  FAMILY  TOGETHER...... I STRUGGLE MORE WITH THE FAMILIES THAT DONT SUPPORT EACH OTHER DURING UN PLANNED PREGNANCIES.    I DONT TOTALLY SUPPORT AGENCIES THAT TRULY ONLY SUPPORT ADOPTION FOR REASONS WE ALL KNOW.      THE HISTORY OF ADOPTION SHOULD BE READ BY ALL.    IVE BEEN SO CONSUMED BY MY OWN LIFE I MISSED QUITE A BIT OF THE WAR BUT DID READ ALL AND FEEL ITS OK TO SUPPORT THE NOTION WEVE GIVIN THE OP ALL OUR SUPPORT.  TO BE HONEST ITS ADOPTION THAT LEAD ME TO THE SITE  NOT JUST BEING A MOTHER .   ITS THE PASSION THAT HAS KEPT ME HERE.  MLOUangel mini

WISCONSON3

stillamom1213
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 7:39 AM

I know that I, and I speak for many of my close sisters,  no longer feel comfortable here. It is so sad how much it has changed in just the last 6 months. The meanness and ugliness has gotten so bad. In the past, when I had a problem with someone, I would PM them, and we ALWAYS worked it out and became friends. Now, some of these women are just so unapproachable and seem determined to have it their way or no way. I hope it changes. I hope the group's administrators are taking a close look at some of the posters and contacting them directly. They are wise and so good at finding the truth behind the pain and anger. I truly believe they are our only hope. I hate to ask Port, who is grieving, to step in at this time.But someone has to fix this. Though many have not "officially left", they have left and say they no longer feel safe or welcome here. Many of us have gone to another place. It is a shame, because i think we did some wonderful things here. Why we can comfort each other at the other place, we can not work with the new sisters and that is so much of our mission. That is what i think I found this place for. I will never forget Colin. What if there is another Starfish that we could save, but there is no one here to do it?Please, save this site!

Dylsmom101
by Member on Mar. 9, 2009 at 9:35 AM


Quoting stillamom1213:

I know that I, and I speak for many of my close sisters,  no longer feel comfortable here. It is so sad how much it has changed in just the last 6 months. The meanness and ugliness has gotten so bad. In the past, when I had a problem with someone, I would PM them, and we ALWAYS worked it out and became friends. Now, some of these women are just so unapproachable and seem determined to have it their way or no way. I hope it changes. I hope the group's administrators are taking a close look at some of the posters and contacting them directly. They are wise and so good at finding the truth behind the pain and anger. I truly believe they are our only hope. I hate to ask Port, who is grieving, to step in at this time.But someone has to fix this. Though many have not "officially left", they have left and say they no longer feel safe or welcome here. Many of us have gone to another place. It is a shame, because i think we did some wonderful things here. Why we can comfort each other at the other place, we can not work with the new sisters and that is so much of our mission. That is what i think I found this place for. I will never forget Colin. What if there is another Starfish that we could save, but there is no one here to do it?Please, save this site!

Beth, I love ya, and I will always support you.  I'll never forget how this site saved me from losing my son, and my son from losing his mommy.  I KNEW I would never get over it if I lost him.  I'm sure my marriage would have suffered, too, if not ended.  My children were suffering and I didn't know it until Colin came back to us.  If I can save another family from a lifetime of heartache like you all did for me, I would be beyond happy to do it!!

stillamom1213
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 10:04 AM


Quoting Dylsmom101:


  I KNEW I would never get over it if I lost him.  I'm sure my marriage would have suffered, too, if not ended.  My children were suffering and I didn't know it until Colin came back to us.  If I can save another family from a lifetime of heartache like you all did for me, I would be beyond happy to do it!!

 PLEASE....listen to her. This is what matters. This and us supporting each other. Somehow we have have lost our mission. Let us all take today to really think about what is imporatant, what means something to us, and what we can do that is positive. I may never see my daughter, and I know that. Debating whether or not it was right to give her up doesn't change my pain and guilt. Let's try to help the others as they start their journey, as they stumble, or stop them if possible. Please, I beg you, stop this war. Blessings to all.

ricarda541
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 10:56 AM

Move on ,  if you look for positive you will find it .

if you look for negative you eill find it.

nikkiluv

stillamom1213
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:00 AM

To the last poster: One can not "move on" from this. One can only learn to live with it the best they can. Please listen to the original poster, to see what this post is about. I wish you peace. This post is not about that.

ceejay1
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:40 AM

Summleigh,  I am so sorry you are being left with feelings of sadness with the Birthmoms Group, so here is a <<<<<<HUGE HUG>>>>>!  We as women have endured the relinquishment of "our" child in many differing levels...because ALL of our circumstances, are so different.  The emotions adoption invokes, is NOT happy emtions, at least for the majority of us.  This IS a place where WE can come and find others whom DO understand.  Adoption will ALWAYS bring out emotions of great magnitude.  I do wish adoption could be HAPPY, but it is impossible to be.  I do not see division with our group...I see each of us on a journey, that we wish we were not on.  On this journey, there are going to be opinions, hurt, sadness, grief, sometimes all wrapped into one...we are here!  This forum is for ALL of us to come vent, laugh, cry, and yes even disagree, yet at the end of the day, we are ONE!  I hope you will always feel this is a place to come, where we all can listen, but more importantly...HEAR!  For those that are at peace with your decision to relinquish...I am so truly HAPPY for you, as for those of us that are leading wonderful lives, loving husbands, beautiful children, comfortable with where you are TODAY, BUT yet still cannot have a full heart, because there is a place that is dark inside you....well believe me I am one of you also!                                             I do have something I wish to share with all of you.  I have NEVER shared this with anyone EVER.  this is something my son gave me in the 4th grade, ( he will be 30 in April).....it has remained in my wallet since the day he gifted me this:     "THE VICTIM"   "First they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out- because I was not a Jew!....  Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out- because I was not a communist!....Then they came for the Trade-Unionist and I did not speak-out- because I was not a Trade-Unionist!....Then they came for me and there was NO ONE left to speak -out...For ME!      I hope all will get something so heartfelt, as I did when my 9 yr old gave this to me.  OUR children can teach us so much!  I will always speak out, about adoption, it is right to do so.  There is never going to be agreement in this journey...but will ALWAYS be passion, energy, and some one HERE for us, for "OUR" babies, for if we sit back and agree, along with except....WE have lived our journey ..for not!   BLESSINGS ... C.J.

CEEJAY1

summerleigh
by Member on Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:41 AM


Quoting ricarda541:

Move on ,  if you look for positive you will find it .

if you look for negative you eill find it.


As a matter of fact, I am looking for positive. The positive that used to be here. I have yet to find it and if I don't find some soon I may just take your advice and "move on" right from this group.

I don't know how one makes the determination of who is positive and who is negative.Am I negative because I still miss my son after 12 years? Because sometimes I cry and it feels like I'll never stop or because I will never feel "good" about my decision? I can say for myself it was the best choice and I have came to accept a lot of things in the past several months that I wouldn't allow myself to think about before. But I will never be happy that my son is without me and I am without him and if for that I am negative, so be it.

What I think is positive is when we are here for each other to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, to share in the joys that we still have. It just seems that there is so much finger pointing and bs going on that we have gotten away from that. If the "positive" people are so positive why are they so concerned with the people they call negative? If they are so content why does it make them so angry that someone else has sadness or regret for their own situation. Perhaps they are the ones that need to move on.

casjoh
by on Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:59 AM


Quoting summerleigh:

 What I think is positive is when we are here for each other to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, to share in the joys that we still have.


clapping

 

Cassi 

http://adoptiontruth-casjoh.blogspot.com/

What the child has missed is the security and serenity of oneness with the person who gave birth to him, a continuum of bonding from prenatal to postnatal life. - Nancy Newton Verrier, The Primal Wound

snowwillow
by Member on Mar. 9, 2009 at 2:33 PM

What war?

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