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Missing Tim still...

Posted by on Apr. 12, 2009 at 6:31 PM
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I know he's not Tim anymore but that doesn't change his name for me.  My children now all wishing he'd start looking for us.  He's almost 25.  Sorry feeeling a little off today.angel mini

by on Apr. 12, 2009 at 6:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
stillamom1213
by on Apr. 12, 2009 at 6:42 PM

Hi, Sorry you're having a bad day. It's so hard when that happens. Is there a reason that you are waiting for him to look for you? You could look for him :) I know this is scary, I really know, but sometimes it works out great. Just wondering..... I hope your day get's better.

angel

PortAngeles1969
by Group Admin on Apr. 12, 2009 at 8:32 PM

I read somewhere that the average age adult adopees begin searching is in their mid-to-late 20's for women and mid-to-late 30's for men.

As an adoptee who didn't begin her search until almost 40 I too would encourage you to consider conducting a search from your end. Many adoptees feel like it isn't their place to search, that their birth family were the ones who left and should be the ones to return.  This is often a twisted understanding of reality and is more of a protection factor than an informed decision about search and reunion.

I hope that you and your children and Tim are able to reconnect.  It's wonderful that Tim's siblings are yearning to have him in their lives as well.

PortAngeles1969   www.postadoptioncoach.com

Group Owner:
Adoption
http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption  
Group Administrator: Birthmoms http://www.cafemom.com/group/birthmoms

Bubbly54
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2009 at 12:08 PM

I would also encourage you to do what you can to find him.  My birthson, who is in his 30's, looked for me for several years before we connected - it always bothered him that I had not looked for him and that he had to be the one to take the initiative.  It is a very scary thing to do but to actually meet the adult that they have become is beyond words.

We are all behind you whatever you decide.

snowwillow
by Member on Apr. 13, 2009 at 4:33 PM

You should look, my bdaughter said she was never going to look as she felt I must have had a good  reason for giving her up, she didn't want to cause trouble (just another problem, that adoptees and bmoms feel, low self esteem). I'm glad I looked but remember, reunions are fragile and you have to be prepared for the good and the bad. Our babies birthdays are always so hard and no matter how far down you have stuffed your feelings and memories, birthdays can always bring them  bubbling to the surface.

casjoh
by on Apr. 13, 2009 at 4:39 PM

I completely understand those days.  And I am so sorry you are hurting.

I agree with the others, if you are ready, you could search for him.  I know it's a frightening step but I think it would be a good idea if it's something you can handle right now in your life.

I found my son a couple of years ago and I was terrified to actually make contact with him but I will NEVER regret that my husband (his bdad) didn't let my fears stop him and took that first step to reunite. Finding your child, I think, is so much better, no matter the result, than not knowing about them.

Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing.

 

Cassi 

http://adoptiontruth-casjoh.blogspot.com/

What the child has missed is the security and serenity of oneness with the person who gave birth to him, a continuum of bonding from prenatal to postnatal life. - Nancy Newton Verrier, The Primal Wound

Mare369
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this

OK So it has been forever since I have been on..  ALOT has happened I moved to NC in 2010.  My Tim has found me!!!! He said he has been curios since he turnes 18 but couldn't find me. Finally a social worker from the agency I went thru looked me up on facebook in February!!  So HAPPY He is so much like my other children, He is 28 now.. We are getting to know each other.  When he and I talk It is like he has been here his whole life. Thought it was just me, He told me no he feels like this is where he fits..  I even let bygons be bygons and contatcted his "father" so he could get to know his son.. At first I was pissy about contacting him, but for Tim I would do anything i could to help him get through this part in our lives..  His father actually wanted to know him (totaly floored me).. But I want Tim to know where he came from.  Talked to him on a friday and met him monday... smile

onethentwins
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 7:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Well congratulations! That's wonderful!!!

Quoting Mare369:

OK So it has been forever since I have been on..  ALOT has happened I moved to NC in 2010.  My Tim has found me!!!! He said he has been curios since he turnes 18 but couldn't find me. Finally a social worker from the agency I went thru looked me up on facebook in February!!  So HAPPY He is so much like my other children, He is 28 now.. We are getting to know each other.  When he and I talk It is like he has been here his whole life. Thought it was just me, He told me no he feels like this is where he fits..  I even let bygons be bygons and contatcted his "father" so he could get to know his son.. At first I was pissy about contacting him, but for Tim I would do anything i could to help him get through this part in our lives..  His father actually wanted to know him (totaly floored me).. But I want Tim to know where he came from.  Talked to him on a friday and met him monday... smile


Vikki77
by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this
So very happy for you!

Quoting Mare369:

OK So it has been forever since I have been on..  ALOT has happened I moved to NC in 2010.  My Tim has found me!!!! He said he has been curios since he turnes 18 but couldn't find me. Finally a social worker from the agency I went thru looked me up on facebook in February!!  So HAPPY He is so much like my other children, He is 28 now.. We are getting to know each other.  When he and I talk It is like he has been here his whole life. Thought it was just me, He told me no he feels like this is where he fits..  I even let bygons be bygons and contatcted his "father" so he could get to know his son.. At first I was pissy about contacting him, but for Tim I would do anything i could to help him get through this part in our lives..  His father actually wanted to know him (totaly floored me).. But I want Tim to know where he came from.  Talked to him on a friday and met him monday... smile

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2jeffsmom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:05 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm so happy you've gotten to see your son! I'm wishing the best for continued good relationships with you and all your children

vampporcupine
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:56 AM
2 moms liked this
This is wonderful news. I'm very happy for you. You did the rights thing by not withholding his father from him. Congrats :)
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