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My birthfamily wants nothing to do with me

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I made contact with my birthfamily, both a brother and my bmom. My brother wouldn't talk to me, and my bmom and I spoke for awhile and she told me she'd have to talk to her husband and kids and see what they thought was best, and she had my contact info and would get ahold of me if that's what the decision was.

It's been almost a year, and I haven't heard anything.

It's so hard -- I was a baby and didn't choose adoption. I love my parents deeply, and they have been wonderful parents. Somehow though, part of me is missing - I don't know where my son gets his red hair. I don't know if the kids look like anyone when they get a certain expression. I don't know a brother and sisters that were able to grow up together and didn't even know about me. I don't know who I get my height from, my brains, my love of math, and my geeky side.

It feels like I was both given up and given up on.


by on Jun. 2, 2009 at 10:16 PM
Replies (11-14):
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2009 at 12:16 PM

I wish I could hug you and tell you how much you are loved.  I would love more than anything for my daughter to find me and her big sister.  And forget consulting the rest of the family, if they could not accept her, then I would not accept them.

Please know that your mother is probably one of the rare ones.  And chances are she may have been told you would never find her and she has no right in your life (I don't know her, so I am only speculating).  I hope that in the future, she will realize all that she is missing out on, and I hope your brother pulls his head out of his behind and sees how wonderful you are and what a wonderful sister you would have made.

by Member on Aug. 17, 2009 at 10:48 AM

I completely understand your frustration, pain, and sadness.  I too was adopted as a baby and located my birthmom this year.....she wants nothing to do with me.  She told the Adoption Counselor that she wishes me well, but cannot revisit that time in her life and hopes I understand. I don't.  I too feel like you:  where does my love of reading come from, why am I so horrible at math, why am I going grey so soon, does my nose look like hers or my dads, why am I B12 deficient, etc.?  There are too many questions about who we are, that our Birthmoms deem we don't need to know.  I realize they gave birth to us and gave us a chance at a better life and for that I am forever thankful and grateful, but don't we have rights?  

Julie Horner (
by Member on Aug. 17, 2009 at 4:01 PM

I'm so very sorry for what you're going through.  I can not imagine not wanting to be with my child.  I will say prayers for you and your family, and I do hope some day things will change for the better for all of you.  At the same time, please do not feel alone.  I'd love to have a daughter like you.  If you ever feel alone, please feel free to contact me!  HUGS! 

by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2009 at 12:31 AM

I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how you feel. My son found me 2 years ago . Our face to face meeting was wonderful, but he got too overwhelmed and has not responded to my letters for a year! Please don't give up. It may just take a long time to adjust. I hope you can have your mothers arms around you some day soon. You deserve that.

I wish my son felt as you do.I want to get to know him so terribly. We're here for you


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