I made contact with my birthfamily, both a brother and my bmom. My brother wouldn't talk to me, and my bmom and I spoke for awhile and she told me she'd have to talk to her husband and kids and see what they thought was best, and she had my contact info and would get ahold of me if that's what the decision was.
It's been almost a year, and I haven't heard anything.
It's so hard -- I was a baby and didn't choose adoption. I love my parents deeply, and they have been wonderful parents. Somehow though, part of me is missing - I don't know where my son gets his red hair. I don't know if the kids look like anyone when they get a certain expression. I don't know a brother and sisters that were able to grow up together and didn't even know about me. I don't know who I get my height from, my brains, my love of math, and my geeky side.
It feels like I was both given up and given up on.