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Ladies need some advice

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2008 at 11:23 AM
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Here is my story!

My name is Theresa. I am 30 years old and I have four children. My daughter is 11, my son is 4, and my twins are 23 months.  I was in a relationship with their for father for four years. Last year May 2007, he decides to with his life with a 19 year old female and he is 34! They are "in-love" and living together now. She has basically taken my place. I am so upset and heart broken regarding this. I just need some advice. The kids have not seen there father in months because of what he has done to me. He physically and verbally abused me, he was never home anyway he was always gone playing poker, fishing, "making music with his brother for 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday", softball, etc you name it! I let him do those things to keep him happy-but he would come home after work and just sleep on me and the children.  He brought drugs into our home and he was selling to make extra income. I allowed him because I was truly in-love with him. The courts finally garnished his wages, so I am receiving $1,580.00 per month in child support, but I feel like that is not enough for what I have endured. I am not sure if I want him back or want. I am so jealous of his new relationship. BUT now he wants me back he text me throughout the day with the I love you stories, blah, blah, blah. I have a new guy that I am getting to know but the thoughts are coming back as to giving him a second chance...whatcha think?

by on Jul. 31, 2008 at 11:23 AM
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Replies (1-3):
Mrs.Mac05
by New Member on Jul. 31, 2008 at 9:08 PM

A friend once told me, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!!!!" Love yourself and your children before you love any man. I've been there, done that, sweetheart. So I feel your pain. Go back and read everything you just wrote and you'll have your answer. You have too many con's. He will never know what kind of women he had until you are gone. If you take him back, that's telling him he can get away with it again because you keep taking him back and putting up with his mess. And you said he has been texting I love you, does he know that you are seeing someone else? cause if he does, he's playing that game, you know, he don't want you until some else has you. I found this for you. It's what Oprah had to say about men.

 

What Oprah said about Men:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then, heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think, it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is yourself. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? (Women who have children from a bunch of different men are no better.) Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... you'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.

Don't settle for the one you can live with, but wait for the one you can't live without!!!!

 

Mrs.Mac05

CurvieMomma
by on Aug. 5, 2008 at 12:11 PM

Amen sister! That is some awesome advice I couldn't have said it better myself!

CurvieMomma
by on Aug. 5, 2008 at 12:15 PM

I've been in your shoes. I was married to a man that decided he wanted to move on while I was pregnant with our son. At first I was furious...and heartbroken. I wanted so much for things to work for our kids. Finally I came to the realization...Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?! After that, I changed my way of thinking. Now my life is steadily improving and he is very regretful.

Take care of you and yours...as hard aas it seems move on. He's not worth the heartache or your piece of mind!

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