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White Woman + Chinese Man = Interesting Family Dynamic
You can gather as much from the title of this post (and my profile) that yes, I am a white woman, born and raised in the USA. A little over two years ago I met my partner, Jian. He emigrated here from China with his mom in the early 90s.
Much as I would like to say we met, fell in love, etc. in reality what happened (long story short) is halfway through that two years we faced an unplanned pregnancy, decided to make a go of it and flash forward, we are parents to a darling 10 month old son.
I live with our son/Jian/his mom/HER mom/and his dad in a 3 bedroom townhouse. We have lived together since August of 2008. I don't know where to begin to describe our lifestyle, since at times I barely understand it myself.
My issue is (surprise surprise) the pseudo mother-in-law. Fortunately/unfortunately, I work from home and Jian works outside the home. MIL doesn't drive and thus is home all the time, and likes to follow me around. I could go on and on and on and on and on, but to be honest I don't really want to whine/complain/bitch etc. (at the moment, at least :)
I want to know that there are other out there like me. So if what you read describes you (even a little) or someone you know, PLEASE reply! If nothing else, thanks for reading, and any words of wisdom/advice are also always appreciated!
Thanks! Holly
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- by on Nov. 15, 2009 at 7:35 PM
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I'm white and married to a Chinese guy. What kind of concerns do you have? Does your MIL disagree with how you are raising your son? Is she just there TOO much?
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- by on Nov. 15, 2009 at 11:31 PM
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Being as she lives with me and doesn't drive, yeah I would say she's here too much.
She is not outright mean (her English is limited) but our conversations are little more than her either attempting to stop me diapering or changing my son (and showing me for the billionth time her way of doing it), saying it's too tight/too small/too cold, too this/too that, etc. I take her shopping, she picks things out for her grandson...we bring them home, she puts them on him and immediately says they are too whatever, looking at me!
Most of the time, I can brush it off. But on a daily basis, it grates on me. I know that she probably feels cheated out of an asian DIL (of which there was once, another long story) but the sooner she stops expecting me to be Chinese, the sooner I accept that she's not Western, the better off we will be. It concerns me that it's not getting better as time goes on, it's getting worse.
Being a breastfeeding WAHM, we obviously have to cross paths a lot.
Do you/did you have any MIL issues?
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- by on Nov. 22, 2009 at 10:07 PM
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I am American, SO is Asian. (Lao). It is a huge culteral difference in my situation that I had to learn how to accept, as she had to accept mine. If she is upset about you not being Chinese, try to learn as much about her culture as you can. Ask her to teach you Chinese cooking, and whatever language she speaks. That's what I did, and now she brags about her white daughter in law who can speak/cook Lao. HTH
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