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Posted by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 11:02 PM
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I recently started dating an amazing man.. He's Vietnamese, I'm native American/white...

he wants to meet my children(4 and 6) and wants me to meet his son (16)... How can I go about politely explaining that its just to soon... Without hurting his feelings.. I tried to explain and he thinks I am ashamed of him, when I'm not. He's amazing, sweet, funny, respectful, polite, caring, just amazing.. Its not that I don't want to meet his son or have him meet my children, but its too soon. I'm 28, he's 39..

Hopefully one if you girls can help me with this..

I appreciate any input. Thanks



by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 11:02 PM
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Lucky2BaMomof2
by Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Yay, I like dating a adult... I typed it out and he understood better... Apparently I mumble and have an accent.. Lol, I really like him. I think I'll make him dinner this week
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Maman9
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 3:00 AM

You are so right to take your time, especially as a mother. Be careful for your children. He would not rush a Vietnamese woman, i.e., people often (not always, so that I will not be misunderstood) act differently outside their culture-sometimes better or worse. Hold him to the same moral values and social standards that you have for yourself and any man. Whether the thrill of the chase or caution call your intuition and the ancestors to guide you. His son is much older than your children. Keep meetings very public. A meal out (go "Dutch") is more neutral for newcomers. (Do not ignore red flags and signs of baggage.) Get to know a person and be a friend to yourself and your children first. He will understand your patience if he cares.

P.S. Okay. (other side) It is sometimes better to be an old(er) man's darling than a young man's fool.

 

Lucky2BaMomof2
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 9:34 AM
Thanks... I talked to him and explained that it's just to soon and why I feel that way.. He understands that now.. I told him if were still together in a year maybe... But we compromised on 6 months and reevaluating, lol.. It's importantto him that I meet his son.. So I can compromise...

He said I can cover the tip when we go out, because he wants to spoil me even if I can spoil myself...

oh and what's up with people asking me if he has a small package? (a. I don't know b. That's mean c. I tried googling to see why i'd be asked that, but all I saw was a lot of gay porn and nowhere to buy eye bleach... )

I know he's insecure, his exwife and exgirlfriend left him for white men.. I know he has baggage, but so do I.

He's a good person.. Good to me, but needs to remember I have boundaries... Lol...

P.s. I've been a young mans fool, it's made me too mature for men my age... It also taught me what I don't want.


Quoting Maman9:

You are so right to take your time, especially as a mother. Be careful for your children. He would not rush a Vietnamese woman, i.e., people often (not always, so that I will not be misunderstood) act differently outside their culture-sometimes better or worse. Hold him to the same moral values and social standards that you have for yourself and any man. Whether the thrill of the chase or caution call your intuition and the ancestors to guide you. His son is much older than your children. Keep meetings very public. A meal out (go "Dutch") is more neutral for newcomers. (Do not ignore red flags and signs of baggage.) Get to know a person and be a friend to yourself and your children first. He will understand your patience if he cares.


P.S. Okay. (other side) It is sometimes better to be an old(er) man's darling than a young man's fool.


 


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Maman9
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 6:50 PM

Dear one, the only package that counts is the total package. Take from someone older who knows. If one of you gets sick or old, the total package will be all that matters. Thankfully, I never forgot this in the few serious relationships and marriages I had. What true friend or kin would ask such a disresepctful personal question about another's body?

My first love was my compleat love in every sense of the word. We knew each other for two years, then eloped when I was 20, still in college - no baby and never any children. I was a cancer widow at 23 after his brief illness believed to be caused by chemical exposure at the upscale Garment District dry cleaners he co-managed in NYC.

P.S. Spot on, yes many of us do have baggage. I should have shared to be wary of that baggage landing at your feet. That was a deal breaker with my first love/husband. Hs adulterous ex-wife wanted to stay more than friends, even though she left their daughters under two for him and his mother to raise. He even caught her with another man. The interim sweetheart never wanted to marry, but she was livid once he did! Such is life. No battles, just words and hurtful truths had to surface.

Lucky2BaMomof2
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:58 PM
People who see us out together have asked me... Its just mean... I have found that there's a stupid racist rumor saying that crap... I've never heard it before now... People are stupid...

And he is sweeter to me than any ex has ever been... He's funny, I'm always laughing.. He's kind, he's smart, he's strong, he's charming... (all that occurs once he gets over being nervous and shy, lol, but that's cute too)

Now if only I could convince him to stop trying to spoil me and that he's not fat... Hmmm, lol...




Quoting Maman9:

Dear one, the only package that counts is the total package. Take from someone older who knows. If one of you gets sick or old, the total package will be all that matters. Thankfully, I never forgot this in the few serious relationships and marriages I had. What true friend or kin would ask such a disresepctful personal question about another's body?


My first love was my compleat love in every sense of the word. We knew each other for two years, then eloped when I was 20, still in college - no baby and never any children. I was a cancer widow at 23 after his brief illness believed to be caused by chemical exposure at the upscale Garment District dry cleaners he co-managed in NYC.


P.S. Spot on, yes many of us do have baggage. I should have shared to be wary of that baggage landing at your feet. That was a deal breaker with my first love/husband. Hs adulterous ex-wife wanted to stay more than friends, even though she left their daughters under two for him and his mother to raise. He even caught her with another man. The interim sweetheart never wanted to marry, but she was livid once he did! Such is life. No battles, just words and hurtful truths had to surface.


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Maman9
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:29 PM

Always reassure and show those you love that the total is what matters! Some people learn that too late when they are separated by distance or tragedy.

Lucky2BaMomof2
by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:33 PM
Oh I tell him every day all the great things about him.. He says I'm just trying to make him feel good.. I say one day he will realize its all the truth.

I appreciate those who deserve it...




Quoting Maman9:

Always reassure and show those you love that the total is what matters! Some people learn that too late when they are separated by distance or tragedy.


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