Being "Supermom"

[tmomof2]

I get this perception from my family and my husband's family that being an asian mom, I am supposed to be able to work 10 hours a day, raise my kids perfect in both cultures, be a dutiful wife, have a running "clockwork" household, and somehow just shutup and take it with a dutiful nod.   Is there such a supermom out there and are you on antidepressants or have robotic parts in you?      I don't think I have any of these qualities.  I am a stay at home mom, I am not sure I can understand my kids half the time, the only homecooked meal my husband eats is my mom's cooking when he is home on the weekends, and no matter how much cleaning and picking up I do there is always a mess somewhere piling up.  I feel like I am always critized for everything I do or my life is under a manifying glass.   I don't believe there is a perfect parent out there or my parents were perfect so why do they expect this of me?  Maybe I am the normal one and everyone else is abnormal and wants to be me. 

[cassandra17]

I'm glad you mentioned this. When my DH's Grandmother were telling ppl that I was half Asian, ppl would make remarks like "Oh, they make the PERFECT wife & mother." What's up with that? Just b/c I'm part Asian I'm suppose to be the perfect wife & mother? Last time I checked, I was human like everybody else. Thank God my DH's Grandmother had the wisdom to scold these ppl & put them in there place. She said it wasn't that she didn't think I was a good wife & mother, but that no one is "perfect". I told her I was glad she did what she did. Some ppl just lack common sense I guess.

[KatCh]

People who have this idea that Asian moms are perfect and dutiful are stuck in the 1900's or have watched way too many movies about Asian women being submissive and obliging. Do these same people still think dinner has to be on the table, the children have to be clean and quiet, and the wife should have a martini waiting for her wonderful husband when he comes home from a hard day at work? We're not Stepford Wives.

Times change, people change, and even for those moms who stay home, it doesn't mean you have all the time in the world to serve everyone's needs. On my days off, I sit on the sofa and watch tv or play mindless games on the computer, because I know when the kids come home, it's snacks, homework, dinner and last minute projects. My only time to rest is when everyone is out of the house.

[christinaliu]

Well, I for one absolutely do not fit that "dutiful perfect wife" description!  I think that's a very VERY dated concept of the "dutiful daughter-in-law" from dynasties past.  Thank goodness THAT'S a thing of the past! 

Oh, and as far as prior generations being dutiful and obedient or whatever...well, my Mom doesn't fit any of those descriptions either.  She hates to cook and does not come close to keeping a "Bree VandeKamp" household (reference to the Desperate Housewives character).  I do know that her MIL (my Nai Nai--paternal Grandmother) expected a lot from my Mom, and my Mom could never achieve the ideal daughter-in-law that my Nai Nai wished she had.  And that caused a lot of stress and tension in our family--and that's why I think my Mom never really got along with my Nai Nai. 

Honestly, I don't think that "perfect" wife and Mom ever existed.  And if she does, it's only on the surface, and below that facade, she's probably pretty unhappy because NO ONE can be that perfect all the time!  And if she thinks she should be but fails to meet it then she'll feel like she's failed, when the main problem is just that she's HUMAN. 

--Christina

[tmomof2]

It is funny how sometimes the past can seem to still come running up and bite you in the arse.  I really did not choose to be a stay at home mom.  Actually, when I grew up I never wanted to get married and have kids.  My parents always instilled the "you have to be respectful" "your mother in law will not like the stubborness" "your husband will kick you to the curb if you don't do as he asks"  etc etc etc.  I mean growing up with this attitude who would ever want to be married with kids??  I aspired to be a confident SINGLE career focus lady.  That was my intention until I met my husband.  He loves my confidence and supports my independence.  We quickly had two kids and I found out that I am best being a mother and a wife.  I am raising my kids my way.  I get to experience every first and every heartache.  I haven't completely shelf the idea of having a career but I find a childhood time is very short when I still have the rest of my life to work.  Yet, my parents both sides and choice others can't seem to grasp the concept that my beautiful children are my work and my life.  Good kids don't raise themselves you know.  Unfortunately I am not in the best of health, too many aliments to list, and my parents are getting old fast so I moved back home to live with them to help each others out.   Yet, now I am back home all the painful memories of the past is haunting me and unreal expectations is reminded of me.

[GardeNya]

I agree with all the women in here.  So most nonasians think asian women are submissive and obliging..lol.  Well they haven't met me yet.  hahaha.  Era has changed, pple change.  I guess the reason we're being stereotyped cause of our upbringing.  Yea my parents taught me to respect others, being submissive, etc and since i met my husband, i woke up from the dead. I became a tougher mom and wife.  I admit i fit the stereotype while growing up however hubby made me become a better person, being more outspoken, tougher, thick skin, and more assertive.  Now at time he jokingly says what happened to the old, sweet, gentle, quiet me when we first met. lol.  If i want to clean up-i will at my pace, dinner doesn't have to be cooked, i will not hold back, dishes doesn't have to be washed right away, if someone ticks me off on the highway, lets pull over & we'll settle it my way! lol.