Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Any American girls out there married to a Japanese guy?

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:48 AM
  • 6 Replies
  • 2508 Total Views

Just about every Japanese-American couple I have ever met is Japanese girl with American guy. We are the other way around.  I would like to meet/chat with gals who married Japanese men, because sometimes I just wonder.....is he like this because he is who he is, or is this a Japanese guy thing? Anyone else out there in the same boat?

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:48 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
Wassybear
by Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:11 AM
1 mom liked this

im american and my daughters father is korean...


bodhikt
by Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:43 AM


Quoting genkimom:

Just about every Japanese-American couple I have ever met is Japanese girl with American guy. We are the other way around.  I would like to meet/chat with gals who married Japanese men, because sometimes I just wonder.....is he like this because he is who he is, or is this a Japanese guy thing? Anyone else out there in the same boat?


Not sure if this is what you mean, but I'm American, of Anglo-Irish (mostly...) ancestry, and my hubby is a Sansei (3d generation Japanese-American) from Hawaii. We've been married almost a quarter century, now.... I also know quite a few other "round eyed" women with Japanese last names.

What do you mean by "is he like this because he is who he is, or is this a Japanese guy thing"?  Is he like WHAT??

genkimom
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2009 at 12:15 AM


Sorry it took me so long mto reply.  i havent logged on for a long time, my son keeps me so busy!  My question wasnt about finding someone who was ethnicaly Japanese.  My question was about finding a person who was married to  Japanese man who lived his whole life in japan, without any understanding of what Western woamn consider appropriate or important because their hubby had never met a westerner before them.  your third gen hubby grew up in the US and knows everyything every other American knows about what Americans expect of Americans.  but thanks for the reply.  I'll have to keep on looking,.

Quoting bodhikt:


Quoting genkimom:

Just about every Japanese-American couple I have ever met is Japanese girl with American guy. We are the other way around.  I would like to meet/chat with gals who married Japanese men, because sometimes I just wonder.....is he like this because he is who he is, or is this a Japanese guy thing? Anyone else out there in the same boat?


Not sure if this is what you mean, but I'm American, of Anglo-Irish (mostly...) ancestry, and my hubby is a Sansei (3d generation Japanese-American) from Hawaii. We've been married almost a quarter century, now.... I also know quite a few other "round eyed" women with Japanese last names.

What do you mean by "is he like this because he is who he is, or is this a Japanese guy thing"?  Is he like WHAT??


nitabunni
by New Member on Aug. 4, 2009 at 1:59 PM

I'm an American woman. I'm not married to a Japanese man, but my ex was Japanese from Kobe. I understand what you mean. We were always at odds because he didn't know about a lot of aspects of American culture and wound up making passive assumptions instead.  He also had a different notion of romance and courtship and would claim that "all Japanese men are this way". He had a very passive (more passive-aggressive) approach to things where an American more than likely would have been more straightforward. Despite the passiveness, he amazingly had a huge ego and was overly proud of everything. He could never admit defeat.  It left me wondering if a lot of it was just him or the fact that he was from Japan.

seasonal_rose
by New Member on Jan. 30, 2012 at 8:43 PM

I'm just about to marry a Japanese man, actually from Japan (born and raised, been here for about a year), and will eventaully, as soon as his work contract is over with the sister company in the USA, go back to Japan with him when he returns to work at the mother company.

I love him soooooo much!  With that said...there are some things that happen...he's a salaryman, which means he works easily 15-20 hour days during the week, and at least once or twice a month, an entire weekend.  It's very very very hard to adjust to.  I use to go nuts on him the first year we lived together because I would have dinner ready at 9 or 10 and he wouldn't be home until midnight.  It lead me to be nervous about his faithfulness too, since a good deal of Japanese men do tend to fool around with their office-mates.  This, thankfully, has not been the case (my mother works with him as well, so he's watched very closely, lol) but in fact...they do work A LOT.  And work is a major part of a Japanese man's life.  Mine has been on and off in the USA since childhood.  He spent 5 years in the states as a child, then a year in high school on an exchange program, to now being here for a little bit over a year from Japan.  Because he doesn't have an accent, I forget he's newly from Japan...but in honesty....there's no telling with Japanese men on if he's a good husband or not...and this is why many Japanese women end up marrying American men...or any man, besides Japanese..because they tend to never be home, and tend to aquire mistresses.  If you're an American woman looking to marry Japanese...from Japan...it's very difficult and most likely you will get hurt.  They are not big on contact, they are very perverted (strip clubs, love hotels, office affairs, are common, in fact, many visitors from the main Japanese company usually first request to see an American strip club to see curvy women...I had huge fights with my man on this, to the point that eventaully I had to lay the law down not with just him, but his coworkers and bosses as well...there are other young Japanese men here that can show those pervs around). 

Japanese women are not inwardly kind to me.  That's hard to explain...all Japanese are outwardly kind, they are socially obligected to be such...but inwardly...they think my relationship with my soon to be husband is just him rebelling against the conforming system of Japanese social life....which I would have believed had I not lived with him.

Live with you Japanese boyfriend, otherwise, you'll never see him, and his passive calmness and very private life will never be revealed to you unless you live with him long enough to where he shows himself.  And there is a good deal of "melting" their iced up emotions.  They are not deeply emotional towards women at all, you really have to work to get into their head and suffer it, until they realize what is going on (usually by feeling gulity for neglect) and then the passion starts, and in my case, has turned into not only a good working couple, but also best friends...and he is by far the best lover I have ever had (no asian curse, most of the time that's bs anyway).

Other than that, each person has their own personal morals, there are a few japanese men who never cheat....there are a lot that do....usually because they don't have a lot of marriages made in love...there are japanese men who love western women...and then there are a lot who think we're fat and too aggresive and too hard to maintain.

Had mine never come back and forth to the states, I do not think we would have worked, but because he is open minded and well traveled, we fell in love pretty hard.  with that said, I think the Japanese are amazing people, complicated, hard working, beautiful and kind...but they are missing one thing Americans hold dear, and that is family over anything....for the Japanese it's work....so...if you marry Japanese men...be prepared for a 50s like atmosphere. 

But the good news is....they do find us sexy! LOL! Everyone he's ever introduced to me have expressed how lucky he is to be with a white woman. 

So...it's different.

I never see him as Japanese, and he never sees me as American....we're truly lucky to have found each other, and when you love someone enough, it's easier to cope, change or adapted to each other's cultural differences. 

Hope it helps!

But yes, that's why you don't see many Japanese men and American women....they rarely have the time, tend to have affairs, and it's very much women in the house and men at work kind of deal...and that's why Japanese women love American men...cause we American women have spent the past 100 years evening up the equality line where Japan is very very very far away.  I would even go as far as saying that Saudis, in a personal relationship with women, have a higher apperication then Japanese men have towards women.  But...the younger gengeration is traveling and changing...and the ideal "salaryman" life of golf, hookers and money is becoming very very unpopluar. 

So good luck ladies!

LorennaL
by New Member on Jan. 31, 2012 at 1:02 AM
My husband is Chinese. First generation. While he is quite Americanized, I see the influence from his family. Having his mom stay a couple weeks was a bit difficult too. His expectations with the kids are another big difference, as he was raised by strict Chinese parents who moved here when he was little. It's challenging sometimes. Some is just personality.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)