She has never forgiven me for 1, not being Filipino and 2 for having tattoos (which her son has) what are little things I can do? Some one said to encourae my kids to call her Lola instead of grandma....HELP!
what does your husband say? my hubby swears his parents don't care that i'm not filipina, but I'm certain they were upset when we told them we were getting married. but they got over it by the time our wedding happened (2 months later), so i can't really help there....
i would say encourage the kids to call her lola, and granpda lolo.... do your kids "bless" when they meet grandma & grandpa? if you don't know, that's when your child takes grandma or grandpa's hand and touches it to her forehead... it's a sign of respect and they've been teaching it to our daughter since she was born pretty much.... she's 10.5 months old and she mostly does it on her own now.
i guess i'd be curioius what your hubby says/does in regards to the situation...
Carrie: I'm a BFing, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, college educated, military supporting, gay marriage supporting, foreign language teaching, open-minded Mommy!
I will try that blessing thing, her husband just died. I think she would like that.
My husband and her got into a fight 3 years ago, they just started talking in June when his father died, he is currently deployed and all he really says is, if she isnn't nice to you then f her. its a long dramatic story. I am trying my best to keep the peace. So my husband doens't care, but I don't want to be the evil one when they work out thier issues.
ahh tough situation, with hubby gone. i wonder if some of her 'anger' comes from her grief, of just loosing her hubby...
Carrie: I'm a BFing, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, college educated, military supporting, gay marriage supporting, foreign language teaching, open-minded Mommy!
talk to her upfront about how you feel and how she feels you can amend the differences between you two.
Try:
taking her out to a filipino dinner
involve her with outtings you go on with your child
go to church with her even if its not your religion atleast on special days like mothers day or christmas mass
call her just to see how she's doing
drop by to share new accomplishments of your child & pictures
ask her if she can teach you to make any filipino recipes
tell her you want your child to learn about the culture
ask her about family history to add to your childs scrapbook/album
Good luck filipinos can easily build up a wall against someone but taking serious action in trying to connect with them will certainly make a statement.
there are like different types of filipino moms.. ones that you really have to warm up to then there are the ones that only care about respect other than that they are soo accepting..
my mom is filipina.. she loves mah jong (so sterotypical, i know).. shes pretty open to meeting new people and she may be pinay but she doesn't only accept pinays..
i know you are trying to warm up to your mother in law but you know what.. all you can do is tell her that you want to be a great daughter in law to her and thats pretty much all you can do.. maybe take her to an oriental store... try making her some lumpia or ponsit.. or if you can find an awesome sinagang recipe try that..
talk to her about the philippines.. what her province is like.. there is a typhoon going on right now in the philippines you can try talking to her about that.. (god bless all of the families trapt in that typhoon)
my mom really loves filipino movies and cds.. shes a huge tfc fan..
i was born in guam.. my father was in the navy so my mom lived in guam with me and 3 of my brothers until i was 3 or 4.. then we moved to chicago.. i know that guams weather is AMAZING.. lots of bugs (flies..) crabs everywhere.. i have pictures of my brothers stuffing crabs in the neighbors mail boxes.. and my cat fighting the a crab on my room..
it looks BEAUTIFUL there.. i think my house was off base.. i was born in agana guam.. in the naval hospital in agana heights..
Hi,
My MIL is Filipino and I have been building a relationship with her over the past three years. I agree with the comments so far. My MIL loves that the lil one calls her Lola. We are also working really hard to teach my little boy Tagalog. She loves that even though I am black I have taken a real interest in their culture. We chat maybe once a week or so and I try speaking to her in Tagalog as much as I can. She lives in Hawaii so we send her emails and DVDs of milestones and hellos.
Maybe try some of these ideas. One thing I have noticed is thier culture is all about respecting elders.My husbands side has really STRONG women running the household. Once she saw that I could be strong and welcome her advice, she really opened up.
Good Luck!
impress her with your cooking skills. watch the filipino channel and make conversations about the shows you've seen. saying lola is not always better than saying grandma. show respect like take her hand and put it towards ur forehead. and say "mano po", its a gesture to show respect to ur elderly. good luck.
She can't possibly hold a grudge for the rest of her life. She'll come to term eventually. It just takes more time for them to get to know you more and realize that you're a good decent daughter-in-law.
My aunt has a few daughter-in-laws who are White. At first, it was difficult for her to accept them. The relationship got better after she got to know the women. They're like best-friends now. She LOVES her daughters-in-law and always brag about them to her friends.
Good luck!
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Aloha from the Big Island of Hawaii :)
- AFmama
on Sep. 13, 2009 at 2:27 PM