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OT..... maybe even a vent.....

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:33 PM
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 With Valentine's Day nearing I am getting very anxious with my love life. I love my SO but I am not entirely happy right now. I know I need to voice these things to him, and I will, but I think I just need to get it out of my head first. I feel quite taken advantage of lately, sort of like a maid. I have my lazy days but mostly I keep a clean home, laundry caught up, dishes done, dinner cooked, etc. I encourage, educate, and play with DD daily. I know he works hard all day also. But I never feel pampered, spoiled, taken care of emotionally. He comes home and I usually have to reccommend he play with DD. I don't feel that lovey dovey feeling anymore. I try to take care of him when he is sick, that is when he tells me what's wrong. When I'm sick or have had a bad day it's life as usual. He doesn't seem to talk to me about "him". I have to nag constantly to get him to open up. I have tried letting him be the one to open up first and it gets me NO WHERE. There are times I find out more about him(his day, his feelings) when he's on the phone to his mom. I feel ..........I don't know. Left out. I suppose this V-day will be about talking(which usually turns out to be a fight) and not that lovey dovey feeling. Thanks for reading/listening.......

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-3):
purplemara3
by Member on Feb. 14, 2009 at 10:03 AM

Hello  Sorry you are blue...Maybe try to see the positive of what he does. I would write a list of what you DON'T LIKE then write a list of what you do LIKE..then compare and try to see the good, and share this info with him in a loving way.

We all have ups and downs, but usually the problems lie within our own hearts.. Maybe take some time alone, leave him with your child for one on one time. While you get to clear your head.

happy Valentines Day!

GraLauJon
by on Feb. 16, 2009 at 1:39 PM

sometimes i think its just the male psyche vs. the famale psyche.  i wrote a list of things i appreciated about my stbx but you know what? that has nothing to do with whether they appreciate us, so......i was talking to a friend one day and she said, "i find that with men you have to be very direct with them."  so if it were me, i would just say outright what you feel.  see if he listens or responds. i dont have much faith in the tuner-outers b/c then they are just focusing on themselves. and im getting divorced b/c of how bad my situation got.  i do believe in trying to work things out from every angle possible, though.  i also learned that you cant control the other person, though, and must learn to accept that.  have you two tried marriage counseling?

MommyWisdom
by Group Owner on Feb. 17, 2009 at 5:11 AM

Try this....the next time you and your hunny are alone, plant a big kiss on him! It will surely get his attention and prep him for some conversation.

As women, we have a tendency to say things like, "We need to talk...or I feel...."  Those are like nails on a chalkboard to men! Have no clue why, but through personal experience, have figured this out. Instead, we need to speak in way they understand in order for them to even listen...direct, to the point, without the 'nag' effect and the tears.

You want the "lovey dovey" back, but if you tell him this, he'll have no clue. Instead, after you plant your kiss, tell him how much you appreciate him doing ________ today (fill in the blank). Wouldn't you want to do more of something you knew you were appreciated for? It works both ways.

Tell him you want to "bring back the loving feeling" :-) And talk about ways the two of you can do this together. This opens it up for discussion. If he needs examples, then this is your chance to tell him exactly what "lovey dovey" means to you. Communication is always the key to a good relationship.

Thanks for letting us be here for you. Let us know how things go.

Many Blessings....Roxanne


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