Forbidden teen love-To forbid or allow some phone contact?

holy cow. he's only 14 and doing this?? wow. so i'd say allow some phone contact, b/c apparently he's not going to listen to you anyway and the harder you stress no communication, the more determined he's going to get. just my thoughts

My personal opinion is if you say he can't see someone that is cleary likes alot, he is going to keep trying to see her.  Have you ever thought to let him have this girl over so they both wouldn't have to sneak out to see each other?  It sounds like young puppy love.  Was he in thearpy for other reasons of just because he was sneaking out? 

I have only been out of high school since 2005, but If my parents were doing that to me then I would have done the same thing.  Try putting yourself in his shoes.  Did you have a bf at that age?  I am sure you wanted to hang or just be with them.

I had my first bf when I was in 10th grade and 15 years old. Both of our parents let us hang out but with mine it was more "supervised" we had to stay down stairs in either the living or family room.  We could not hang out in my room.  Then as we dated longer we could hang out in my room with the door open.

I would say let them talk, let them see each other.  Or jsut try to talk to your son and see what he thinks and what he is feeling about the situation!

Good Luck!

UGH!  Mine is only 11, but I know our day is coming.   I don't know if you are a member of any of the moms of teens groups, but I'm a member of the TWEEN TITANS group.  They are all moms of teens or kids that are close to being teens.  They have very good advice.  They've been there done that!   LOL  I just think it's more helpful, to me anyway, to talk to moms that have or are going through the same things.  It's too easy to say what you THINK you will do when they get to be that age. 

Good luck!! 

As the child who went through this, the best thing you can do is let him see her. When he's ready and you're ready, have the girl and her parents over and CALMLY discuss the boundaries. Make sure they both fully understand the rules. And don't force them to be apart for long periods. Remember, 14 years old means 1 week is long.

If you push them apart he is only going to resent you and continue on this path.

wow i have 2 boys and a 3rd on the way! I fear the teenage yrs.

i did that a lil younger the that....i was 11 my mom forbid me to see my bf....so she grounded me from seeing him...he lived down the rd so he snuck into the woods i my backyard. so saw him one way or other...i mean it didn't last it was puppy love...u did lose my virginity to him...you need to talk to your son about safe sex chances are they probley already have since hes acting like that and since they ran away.

I went thru this with my little brother... I thank God everyday my son made it out of his teens without going thru this....

what do the girl's parents have to say? I think that letting the see each other and be supervised is the best way to go with this...they will do what they have to do to see eache other and you dont want him in jail like my brother ended up... With him, the girl's parents were ok with their relationship at first , but then tried to stop it...he ended up sneaking her out of the house and they got caught, Chris ended up in jail

I would see what they think about all this, and then go from there...if you let it run it's course, it will end up over before you know it....take care

Just my opinion --

I'd be on the phone with his counselor. 

I would not allow him the power, based on self-harm.  I would explain to him, that the negative behaviors have NO positive outcome.  If you allow him to talk to her, because he harmed himself, what you are telling him is that beating himself up will get him what he wants.

I'd also ask the counselor what to do when he starts to beat himself up.  I would think that the advice you will get is to dial 911 and have him taken for a temporary hold.  A 72 hour psych hold.  Baker Act/5150 -- don't know what it is called in your area.  This sounds to be more serious than simply 'spoiled teen syndrome'.

I would also suggest you look into your health insurance and see if your plan covers long term inpatient care.  I would also consider a psychiatric group home.  At this point, you can't keep him safe. 

The other thing that I would suggest is that you take really good care of yourself.  This is harder on you than it is on him, because you have enough life experience to know the possibilities, and he is focused on the moment.  Getting him help, even if that means someone else has to take over, isn't a poor reflection on you.  If he needed medical care for a physical problem - you wouldn't hesitate.  No difference.

Well its a good thing that you are getting him help with his emotional issues...but as far as this girl goes just let it be really but forcing them apart and not to be able to talk together sounds like you actually might be pushing him into self mutilation. Don't you remember being that age and being head over heals for someone, granted i don't think i would have turned to hurting myself but hey everyone is different...Just talk to the both of them and let them know where you stand and what you will allow and tolerate in your home...Remember teenage years are rough enough with out the wardens maing it any harder....