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Anyone else having issues with DH?

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 12:42 AM
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 I don't know cafemom acronyms but I assume DH means darling husband, so with that being said, is there anyone else that has been really happy with their husband before, not so happy with them now, but knows it will get better so they stick it out? it's the little things that irk me right now, and i tell him what the issues are, he changes for a week, then goes back to bad habits!! It's a cycle, and it's driving me crazy.  So crazy I can't really enjoy his company, yet I can't wait for him to get off work everyday so he can be home with his fam.  How in the world can you break a guy's bad habits? and how many chances do they get?  lol I feel like a mom of THREE because he's acting like a kid.  Help me be sane again!

by on May. 2, 2010 at 12:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Specka
by on May. 2, 2010 at 1:01 AM

Eventually you have to learn that you can't "break guys bad habits". What are the issues you guys are having? They're not things you can just deal with or compromise on, do you think?

LAcafe902
by on May. 2, 2010 at 3:53 AM

I swear sometimes i think if i should ever get a divorce i would start dating chicks :]

Pocketmouse
by on May. 2, 2010 at 4:01 AM

Amen.

Quoting LAcafe902:

I swear sometimes i think if i should ever get a divorce i would start dating chicks :]


LAcafe902
by on May. 2, 2010 at 4:06 AM

They just don't get it. No matter how many times and different ways you explain things to them.

Nskjerve
by on May. 2, 2010 at 4:54 AM

 Wow I am having the same problem right now. He has become really lazy with everything, and I too feel like hes another kid, we have a 3 month old and he used to help with her and around the house alittle at least but now he really doesnt. And I feel like I am less attracted to him because he acts like the baby is such a burden most of the time. I have no clue what to do about it, I just had to vent alittle lol.

cinderella8784
by on May. 2, 2010 at 6:16 AM

read the book women are from venus and men are from mars.  men really do think differently

autumnrstarr
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:19 AM

 i know he's different lol and i know men's priorities are different than women's..but the thing is that i've REPEATEDLY asked him to do certain things and he's very understanding..he'll actually do what I ask of him, for a week, then get LAZY and go back to NOT doing it. This has been happening for a year now, and I'm very tempted to give him the ultimatum...you change your damn priorities to what i'm explaining to you(and making sure you understand because he repeats it back to me-----like a kid!) and stick with it, or I'm done. We JUST bought a new house too, so to jump into another huge commitment and have to jump out, he'll change (for a week) and forget again. I'm over it because I've told him that I'm NOT in love with him anymore, that i CAN fall back in love, but I won't until things change. I'm the type of wife who DOESN'T nag about every other thing, I'll mention it maybe once a week but the second he "forgets" I'll build my wall up and pretty much don't want to have anything to do with him.  and I get so pissed at myself because i'm obviously letting it happen because i give him at least one chance a week lol so i'm pretty much over it!!  the issues are that he CONSTANTLY does favors for everyone and they NEVER do anything back for him. And I'm not the type to get paid or get back what i give, but when he has two little boys and a wife at home and a life he needs to be a part of, but isnt because hes doing things for others that obviously isn't appreciated, I can't let that slide.  He goes to work before 6am and doesnt get home til sometimes 8pm because after work(he's off by 4 the latest unless he works overtime which is understandable) because he runs to help other people. so by the time he gets home, both the boys are asleep, i havent eaten dinner because i was waiting for him, and he falls asleep before he eats dinner and all day my oldest keeps asking is matt at work? can he come home to play? my husband is his stepfather but my son knows he's his other daddy so he always wants to be around him and play..i give him a break sometimes because he does come home maybe once a week on time and gets to play with the boys, but he literally doesnt even see our youngest! he goes to sleep in the early evening...ugh

jellybeanJ
by on May. 3, 2010 at 8:54 PM

Oh man, I feel ya!

I hate being married at times, I hate being a mom at times, I hate it all. I hate that I am the only one who cooks, and cleans, and does everything around the house. I hate it. Sometimes i wonder if being a single mom is worth it, that way the only expectations I set  are for myself and I only have myself to be disapointed in when things fall through the crack. That way I'm not constantly getting my hopes up and then being crushed with disappointment when husband falls through.

I hate how when I ask what he wants me to make for meals he answers: "food." then when I make dinner, he doesn't want it, and when told to make soemthing for himself, he'll complain there's nothing to eat, (nothing instant, I dont' buy microwavable crap- it's expensive) so he'll just not eat, or make a huge bowl of cereal. When I ask what he wants me to buy at the store, I get the same frickin answer: FOOD. I hate it. He says, I dont ask you to cook for me; yet he won't eat if I don't, or he'll go out or end up eating crap. I dont' want to just cook for myself and our kids, what kind of example does that teach our kids?! That daddy can have his own way of life, how does that teach our children what a "family" is?!

What's the point of raising responsible, independent kids with chores and teaching them how to cook and clean for themselves if I have a husband who doesnt' do it himself?! The kids just see that dad doesn't have to, cuz that's what mom is for!

 

latinamom2335
by on May. 4, 2010 at 1:33 PM

Which is one of the reasons I'm lesbian. ;)

Quoting LAcafe902:

I swear sometimes i think if i should ever get a divorce i would start dating chicks :]


Mommyrox
by on May. 4, 2010 at 2:37 PM

I can totally relate- especially with the part about feeling like you have an extra kid!!!!!

I had a really hard time with my man, getting him to take seriously what i asked him to do...same thing , he'd change and go back to the same thing a week later.Its been a long road but he has improved BIG TIME. My advice: You have to change your approach!!! I can't think of a more important skill to help us relate to others in a healthy way than setting bounderies.I think that most of us think that we can tell others how to live and other people "should" respect our preferences. But we have to be very careful about telling others how they should think,feel or do and likewise we have to guard our own bounderies carefully so that others do not presume they could tell us what to think, feel or do.Its all about bounderies! Its our responsability to be clear with others about what we will tolerate and what we will not tolerate!

You don't really need to know his reasons for doing things for others all the time, he just needs to know you mean bussiness and your not going to continue be disrespected period!! Tell him the next time he comes home late, your leaving....then the next time he pulls that, just make sure he comes home to an empty house....(Even if you have to go stay at your moms or girlfriends for the night.)The point is proving to him that you are SERIOUS! After you do that a few times, he will get the picture. And remmeber...RULE # 1-don't ever threaten to leave and stay.........


It tough i know- but marriage is hard work.....unlike Disney brainwashed all little girls  to believe, there is no such thing as "and they lived happpily ever after" ...LOL!!!! 

That's all i got-and i hope you find something helpful in here!


Mommyrox

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