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my marriage is falling apart and I think im ready to let it.

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:21 PM
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I have been married for almost 3 years now and are relationship has been very challenging. We have 3 kids... 2 step kids and one together. When we got married my husband started playing online poker. This has been a huge issue in our marriage because he wastes so much money doing this. Aside from the money he wastes it is the time that he doesn't want to be bothered by the kids our myself. About 8 months ago he quit playing poker and stayed off the site for about 5 months and our relationship was so much better. Well he started back about 2 months ago and since then I have kinda thrown up my hands. He is this huge ass when he is online and when he is offline all he wants to do is be on there. I have told him time after time he needs help but he wont get help. I have taken the computer and he will go to his friends or get extremely pissed off at me. So 4 days ago I was on the computer and I went to type something into the google search bar and accidentally clicked something and it pulled up the history on our computer. I found out that he was looking at porn on the computer. So I asked him when he was on that site and he told me he had been on earlier that day. I asked him how often he goes on there and he said EVERYDAY!  I was so upset. I feel like if he has to look at that crap everyday then its clear im not enough for him. So the fight tonight was that he was on the computer and I had just fed all the kids. I asked him to please give the baby a bath. He said in 10 min. So I waited 30 min and asked him again and he said you never leave me alone. You always ask me to do something. Why cant I just sit and play for awhile. I just gave my son a bath but I was really hurt.

I am done trying to work on this marriage because I get nothing in return excpet I get treated like crap!  Would you stay or go. My only issue with going is i am really close to my stepkids and it will break there hearts and mine if I leave but i am so unhappy i feel like crying all the time. Any advice would be great.

by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsOkpataku
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:31 PM

I only been married one year, And my husband been treating me bad my son is his step son, He never wants my son to see real dad, Everybody have their ups and downs, Yall can make it together are you in church, Pray more Ask the Lord for guideness, Thats what I do everyday to make this relationship work, All men watches porn there is something that is not working in the bed room try some new tricks to make him love you more, Try it before he will cheat on you, Both people have to work together to make things work, He needs time off from you let him play his online games, My husband watch sports all day, Be thankful hes at home He can be whether at another woman house are stay at his bestfriends house an never would come back

mommynac
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:31 PM

Sorry this is happening. It really sux. My ex was addicted to online porn. It wasn't enough for him and he eventually started seeking sexual encounters on the sites he was using. A lot of these sites also are very demeaning to women, and a lot of the objectification carried over into our relationship. At the core of the addiction is a fear of intimacy, and an inability to be intimate with a partner. What this led to in my marriage was isolation, abuse, and neglect. As hard as it seems, please don't see this as inadequacy on your part. It really isn't about you, or your sexuality. And please be very careful. My ex started to turn to other women and couples he found on the site, to attend sex parties and threesomes. He was the last person you would expect to do this. And he was also exposing me to possible STDs, and whatever heck else these people had (although I never got any, thank goodness). If you really love him, maybe you could give him an ultimatum and demand he get help first. Or move on. Good luck. You are welcome to PM me if you want.

Mommy

Joneal25
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:43 PM

Thank you very much!

happymom80
by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 11:55 PM
Have you ever told him how you feel and what are your plans if he doesn't stop this?
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shebearlove
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 12:48 AM

Men, "can't live with them, can't live without them" Try ignoring him. When you stop caring, he might start. Works with mine. I definitely feel you on the step kid issue. They've already been through hell once and it would be nice to stay for them. Try focusing on them and your baby more than your husband. Good Luck Dear.

MCchaddmom
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 11:07 AM

No one wants to fail, sometimes they do not have the resoures or skills to make a marriage work. Males sometime do not develope neurologically till age 30!  Prioritizing and organization are skill that must be taught.

I would ask dh if counseling would be agreeable. It seems as if he is feeling overwhelmed by his world too.  Computers are escapes when the day in day out is getting too much. (whatever the content)  Gambling is a behavior that is intermittenly rewarded so it is very dificult to stop.

 Keep the words you say to him in feeling terms, I feel frustrated...I feel overwhelmed...I feel sad.  Stay positive and remember to remind him of all the things he is wonderful at.  "The kids love when you play monster with them, I love watching you do that. You are so good at math, could you help "Jane" out with her math sheet tonight."

 It sounds like manipulation but it is also good modeling for your children and your hubby in communication. 

Children will do as you do not as you say...that includes the biggest kid of the family..dh.:0)

Carve out a few hours for a walk with him. You don't even have to address the issue, just enjoy the walk. 

We take so much time to take care of our kids and home, we forget each other.

Good Luck, follow your heart,it already knows the answer.bow down

 

Las80
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 1:29 PM

no one can tell you if you need to stay or go.  That has to be your choice.  But how are you going to teach your kids to follow threw if you walk away from the biggest commitment there is marriage.  All marriages have ups and downs.  I've been married for 10 years now and I'd be lieing if I said I never thought about leaving in that time.  But I didn't and my kids are far better off because of it. 

You could try setting a certain amount of money each month aside for his play time but you get an equal amount for your own play time,  you could also try coming to an agreement that on these days he gets to veg and not be "Dad" but on these other days you don't have to be "Mom"

 

My hubby and I have an arrangement on the weekend he does most of  the cooking and Parenting, but during the week I take care of it because of hie work schedule.  While it's not equal we have agreed to it and it works for us.

Just remember no one is perfect and it takes two to start a marriage and two to break one.

lindy80
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 2:05 PM

I am sorry you are going through this. Does your husband have a job or is he spending all day doing this? Have you tried marriage counceling? He sounds like he has issues and if he doesn't address them, he could lose you.

ivorysoul
by on Jun. 17, 2010 at 7:34 PM

Hi I am DeeDee,I had some trouble too with my hubby.Not with the same issues but same thing was not happy with some behaviors. I thing he knew somthing was going to happen because he finaly  stopped what he was doing. I almost told him stop it or I am leaving. I don't thing they take it serous. I feel for you because part of having a family is taking care of the children as a family. Not a one person responsbility.I hope this helps. ivorysoul

Gailll
by on Jun. 19, 2010 at 4:33 AM

He isn't going to change.  

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