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file for divorce or hang in there?

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:40 AM
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Heyy ladies, mostt of you all know my situation but for those who don't I'm gonna vent/ seek advice. I recently married my love of almost 5 years on June 12th. He has always been a loving boyfriend, fiance , and now my husband. My mother passed away june 15th just 3 days after I got married. My husband left a couple days ago with the explanation of "you need to grieve youyr mothers death alone because you are taking it out on me. He called me tonight telling me I still need time to myself. Wasn't it for better or for worse? Do I leave him or do I try to figure things out? Any advicee?! Thanks mama's!
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by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
logans.momma.21
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:46 AM

um he should be your rock right?? i dont think that just because you are grieving the lose of your mom that you should call it quits... i think that you should do your grieving and come back and reevaluate this other situation when your ready to

youngmom1110
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:05 AM
Yah, I just feel like he's being selfish about everything. Maybe not happy with the fact that I'm spending a lot of time in my own head. I don't know... He's being an a**. Thankss for your input! He just beter come to his senses before I have this baby!!
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misunderstood63
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 7:57 AM

He should be there for you but he isn't. My husband is not emotional on my level either. I loss my mother three years ago and I cry by myself many many times. I do not even have my siblings to talk to anymore because they became distance. I do not think that this is a reason to call it quits. Just try having him talk to you, try to understand your heart.  When my husband's mother died he didn't even tell me, his sister-inlaw told me. My husband is not a outward feeling person, sometimes very very cold, but I can't change him. If you really need to talk I certainly understand. Bless You. My mother was truly my best friend. angel mini

momofciara
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Ist let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss.  I was only married 2 years when I lost my mother.  It is HUGE.  I would not neccessarily give up on you so new marriage,  your husband can not possibly understand the loss you are feeling.  I know that you are hurting but let me urge you to get into grief counseling ASAP.  This is a place where you can grieve with other people who know what this is like and be directed by a professional as well.  You can truly make something positive out of this and make your marriage better as well.  The groups are usually free and you will feel like you can take on the world and also be the best wife ever without resentment for your spouse's inability to help you.  Trust me, it really is the answer.

My prayers are with you and your young marriage.  Don't cut him off because of his shortcomings or inexperience.  You would not have married him if you thought he was a heartless beast.  He may be feeling the loss of you in the marriage and be hurting as well for  not knowing  how to be your Knight in shining armour and rescue you from this pain.

 

joann567
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:00 PM

 i agree you need to grieve over your mom and then handle the situation with your husband.

c3thinkme
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:33 PM

This is hard but you are going to have to trust him. Mariage is based on trust. He has known you for 5 years and can figure out how to solve problems. He might think that your at the anger stage and honey nobody goes through that without hurting the people around them! 

I am a single mom and my childs father is in prison, my grandmother died in may. I was ok for a little while but one small arguement about her birthdate and I was at the anger stage. I called the prison and they let him call me  he said two things: 1. scream into a pillow until I can't anymore . 2. thank god for letting her come home and be without pain.

I hang up! He was rght! As soon as I did both the anger was gone and I could be myself again.When it comes to dealing with grief the stronger of a person you are the more you need time by yourself.Nothing else matters he loves you enough to leave you alone. Trust him!

domstkgoddess20
by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 8:23 AM

he should not of left you alone ... you need him more than ever right now ... everyone handles death differently .. join a group that you can talk to others who have lost loved ones ...  the more you talk about it the easier it will get ... your mother will never be forgotten ... but you will be able to move on with your life ...  I lost my mother 14 years ago to cancer ... it is tough  but life goes on ...

mommy_raines
by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 9:15 AM

 I dont think he should have left you. Yes, you may be taking it out on him but he needs to be understanding and supportive. When my DH lost his grandpa, who was like a father to him. He was very upset...and he would take it out on me, but that was no reason to leave him. You are grieving and you need your husband with you. You should talk to him. I dont think that is a good reason for you to divorce him. Maybe he doesnt know how to act or what to say. Hang in there.

thankfultami
by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 9:32 AM

I agree with you about for better or for worse, he should be there for you, i believe that he is using that for an excuse, and i really don't like to say that.

I have problems now too and after 25 years of marriage I wouldn't think I would but I guess I better face reality.  I just hope and pray that our marriage doesn't end up in a divorce, things just aren't looking good and I don't know what to do anymore.

reneebrandt
by on Jun. 30, 2010 at 7:55 AM

Truthfully, I feel very sorry for you and your life ahead! I think you mentioned you are expecting a baby? Chances are, he will act the same way when the baby is born....Not getting all of the attention. I have known people like that. Hopefully it is just an immature thing, not a character flaw, or you are in BIG TROUBLE! (sorry, I call it as I see it these days)

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