Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Continuous problems with DH. Making me feel like such a bad wife.

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:58 AM
  • 20 Replies
  • 346 Total Views

I don't know where to start but I've got to vent.

I'm a sahm to a 2 1/2 yo boy and an 8 month girl. My dh works two jobs very hard and still isn't able to bring home enough money to cover our bills. My parents help us out. This is the first reason he's upset. I know it is and I don't know what I can do about it. He is going to go to school in a month, so he will be able to get a better paying job. I am looking for work too.

I joined a gym in May to help me lose some weight. I have been able to lose about 35 pounds from working out, lifting weights and eating right. He gets angry at me and holds this against me. He hates hearing about how I go to the gym during the day when he is working so hard. He is overweight and despretely needs to start eating better. I know how hard it is because I went through it. I have tried to tell him "that's the last bag of chips I am going to buy" and he retaliates and gets angry.

I am not attracted to him right now, he is over 300 pounds and gets out of breath when we have sex. I am try to please him but it is such a chore right now.

The kids don't sleep well at night so I try to make sure they don't make noise to keep him up, he gets up at 3:30 am for work. I kept my son up until 10 so he wouldn't cry and wake dh up. My daughter doesn't sleep in her crib and sometimes needs to be breast fed to sleep. My dh got so upset this morning b/c I haven't been in bed with him when he wakes up in the morning. He'd like to chat before he goes to work. I understand that he hates waking up alone but after a long night with the kids the last thing I really want to do is wake up at 4 am to chit chat for an hour before my day really starts at 6.


I know that the problems here are not just his problems. But I don't know what to do to make things better. The same issues come up every couple of months. He says I'm being a good mom but not a good wife. He thinks I have it easy with the two kids because we go to the park or we go shopping. HELLO, I am not going out alone or shopping alone. He says he has respect for what I do but by the things he says and does he has no respect for me.

What am I supposed to do? Any kind of advice or even opinon, acknowledge that you read my post, would be great.


by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Jessie8706
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:03 AM

BUMP!

SWilson2007
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:04 AM
bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brooklynsmom40
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:24 AM
Wow. I'm sorry about all that. I'm sure he's grumpy from working 2 jobs. He probably thinks you have it so easy staying home with the kids. (Which you don't) He is probably annoyed that you have lost weight and he hasn't. Maybe if you flirt with him a little and make him think you think he looks good, he will want to try and lose some weight too.Congrats on losing weight! So hard to do! Your parents won't have to help you out forever. Just remind him of that. Tell him-" honey, you work so hard, I don't know how you keep up the hours you've been working. I'm so proud of how hard you try to provide for us."
Mom2Tommy
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:30 AM

You are right. I do have to praise him. I know it comes back to me to be the "glue" of the family. I guess I need to put aside my complaints and look at the bigger picture.

Quoting brooklynsmom40:

Wow. I'm sorry about all that. I'm sure he's grumpy from working 2 jobs. He probably thinks you have it so easy staying home with the kids. (Which you don't) He is probably annoyed that you have lost weight and he hasn't. Maybe if you flirt with him a little and make him think you think he looks good, he will want to try and lose some weight too.Congrats on losing weight! So hard to do! Your parents won't have to help you out forever. Just remind him of that. Tell him-" honey, you work so hard, I don't know how you keep up the hours you've been working. I'm so proud of how hard you try to provide for us."


Mom2Tommy
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:19 AM

BUMP!

KaylasMiracle
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:23 AM

Don't want to sound mean or anything, but would it be too difficult to get up early maybe 4 days of the week to talk? Look at it from his POV he is working 2 jobs and probably doesn't get to spend much time with you...he is trying to reach out to you and make a connection. Some 1 on 1 time...that's a wonderful thing!

egurl85
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:24 AM

BUMP!

Baci3000
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:24 AM


Quoting brooklynsmom40:

Wow. I'm sorry about all that. I'm sure he's grumpy from working 2 jobs. He probably thinks you have it so easy staying home with the kids. (Which you don't) He is probably annoyed that you have lost weight and he hasn't. Maybe if you flirt with him a little and make him think you think he looks good, he will want to try and lose some weight too.Congrats on losing weight! So hard to do! Your parents won't have to help you out forever. Just remind him of that. Tell him-" honey, you work so hard, I don't know how you keep up the hours you've been working. I'm so proud of how hard you try to provide for us."


Chynaeyez05
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:35 AM

Wow, first of all i hope that you feel a little better in venting your issue, an secondly it sounds like you are being a good mom and a respectable wife, but one thing that i here is that there maybe some fiction in the fact of you losing weight and your husband remaining at the same weight, he is not mad at you he is just not as motivated as you are, but the one thing you have to understand he just as you have to come to his own conviction as wanting to lose the weight needed for his heath. i know its hard but be patience and over time you will see small changes beginning to take place. please do keep in touch.

mommy_279
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:41 AM
Bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)