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"you look fat when you cry"

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:10 PM
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the title has nothing to do with anything; i just think it's funny, & i feel fat.

So lately i've been feeling blah when it comes to  my weight (for lack of better word); i don't actually weigh myself because the number isn't the problem, it's the fat on my stomach. in numbers i weigh less than 118, which leads to a lot of "you don't need to loose weight ...yada yada" & that's not what i care about hearing. it makes me feel invalid. the other day i said to my husband that i feel fat (note: "feel" not "i think i am") & that makes me sad. so he gave the same speech about how i'm not fat, & that he loves me, & that i'm still attractive. it makes me want to scream; i didn't say i was worried that because i'm out of shape he would leave me. a person who would do that is not a person i want to be around anyways.

what i want is for him to talk about what we or i could do to get into shape, an actual plan that could work, because me saying i'll work out only lasts for so long...i need accountability to someone else. i had our son almost 2 years ago & i still have fat on my stomach that just won't go away. i'm afraid that if i don't get rid of it that maybe it'll make friends who will move into my thighs...my pants are already tight, & i hate pants shopping so i'd rather work out.

also, related to what i said earlier, i've always been small so everyone basically tells me that i can't be uncomfortable with my weight....why? because they're bigger than me? well, sorry that my "problems" aren't as important as theirs; i'm really tired of those people. i dated a guy in high school that always compared an event in my past to his ex girlfriend's past....made me feel special.

anyways, that's the end of my rant. i have no one to talk to about weight really, because my closest friends are overweight & treat me like i'm anorexic if i have a desire to get into shape.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:10 PM
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