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Am I insane or being unresonable?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:43 AM
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 Background information: This is my fourth pregnancy in the last 4 and a half years. 2 ended in miscarriage and one ended up in the stillbirth of three beautiful angels. I'm currently pregnant with boy/ girl twins due August 2nd. And this pregnancy has been anything but carefree and simple. Due to some serious complications and concerns I planned to be induced the first week of June. I have had bleeding, PPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes) with resealing of membranes, threatened preterm labor, and been diagnosed with obstetric cholestasis all of which mean a extremely high risk pregnancy. The doctors are trying their best to prolong the pregnancy to give my babies the best chance at survival but I have been told that delivery too early has serious risks but so does prolonging the pregnancy too long. i have been told if I go into preterm labor anytime between 28 and 32 weeks they will not do any intervention. So as you can imagine with my history of pregnancy loss, how scared, anxious, and nervous I am about ensuring this pregnancy ends with the live birth of my beautiful son and daughter.

Now to the post: So lately I have been feeling like I'm going insane and I'm quite annoyed that everyone just keeps saying that it's my hormones when I know for a fact that it's more. I go to a psychologist on Tuesday but I keep being told that my feelings are unreasonable, that I'm acting unreasonable, and that I'm thinking unreasonable. I'm going to start by explaining how I've been feeling and acting for over a week now, mind you I know hormones can have you all over the place but I never experienced something this so intense. It seems as if one moment I am happy and energetic or at least calm and okay, then a few seconds later I'm hysterically crying, the next I'm fighting the urge to scream at the top of my lungs and throw things, and then I'll get so tired and depressed that I can't even get out of my bed or off the couch. And all these feelings are happening within an hour or two not a day or days but within 30 to 120 minutes. Then there are times where I'm starving but by the time I walk to few seconds it takes to get to the kitchen or fridge I feel so full that I can't drink a glass of water let alone eat anything. My SO other says it's the hormones or says I'm just imagining these feelings and even if these feelings are all in my head, I feel they need to be addressed now before our blessings are truly brought into the picture. My SO has been truly unsupportive of my desicion to seek therapy and help on this.

I get he thinks we can't afford for me to pay out of pocket for an appointment with a psychologist but I believe this is necessary to ensure that I'm healthy enough to care for our son and daughter when they arrive. I am the only one working and bringing income in right now. Though I have moneysaved from before quitting my stripping job the day I found out about being pregnant. I am currently doing Research suveying over the phone (telemarketing), I was working part time before the pregnancy and have increased to full time but am working 5 days from home and one 4 hour shift in the office a week. I know i am not making anything near what i was making before the pregnancy stripping but I am able to pay my bills, pay my copays, and reasonably provide for myself and the twins when they get here with the money I have saved from stripping and what I'm making now... Sorry that was off topic but the point is my appointment with the psychologist I have on Tuesday is going to be $120 co payment because my insurance doesn't completely cover psychologists only psychiatrists. I understand his concern because I am already paying a $100 copay everytime (which is like bi weekly) I go to my high risk ob/gyn who specializes in high risk and multiple pregnancies because my insurance wants me going to the pregnancy center through the hospital. I believe that the money is nothing compared to ensuring me and my children are and will stay healthy. as you all know you'd do everything you could to ensure the healthy birth and childhood of your child(ren).

I love my man but he acts as if he doesn't understand what being a mother means to me. I feel like he is distancing himself from my pregnancy which is understandable because he has watched and experienced me going through 2 of the 3 pregnancy losses, 1 a late term miscarriage with his son and the other was when we started dating the first time while I was pregnant with another man's children which ended in me cremating three beautiful angels. But at the same time he acts as if my concerns are invalid. When I tell him about my concerns for myself and our children he either changes the subject or says that if something goes wrong we'll just try again. It's almost as if he doesn;t understand how much it's killing everytime we or I go through the loss of something I want so badly. I feel so alone in all this. Though i have a great friend who is trying to be supportive and a loving brother who is trying to be there for me and help do what ever he can, you can see it in their faces and actions that they're are not trying to get attached to my pregnancy and think I'm doing way too much! I told my man that I had a feeling that something wasn't right with the babies and something was going or going to go wrong he told me I was crazy and need to stp watching psychic shows, I had a nightmare when I dozed off for an hour earlier that has me shaking; my man wasn't here and i went into labor. I gave birth to two babies, I could here them crying but I was so doped up and they rushed the babies out the room, I dozed off and when i woke up I pushed the call light for the nurse when she came in I asked her if i could see my kids, she asked what i was talking about, I started getting hysterical as she continues to act as if she didn't know what I was talking about. a doctor came in and tried to calm me, they end up sedating me, when I wake up the second time the doctor tells me that I gave birth to a baby boy and he was still born. I argue with him and say that's not possible that I was carrying twins and i heard them both crying. The doctor says when stress like this happens we sometimes trick our minds into believe something other than reality... And i woke up!

Am I going insane or being unreasonable?

CafeMom Tickers
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:43 AM
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MixedCooke
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:08 AM

I dont think so.  If the psychologist can give you peace of mind, which is what you are trying to get to ease the stress and worry of your previous losses, I dont see why not pay whatever necessary to get that.  Maybe try St Johns Wort, ask them first, as it helps with anxiety and mild depression and is an herbal supplement. 

Good luck!

nvrbnhappier
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Thank you!

Quoting MixedCooke:

I dont think so.  If the psychologist can give you peace of mind, which is what you are trying to get to ease the stress and worry of your previous losses, I dont see why not pay whatever necessary to get that.  Maybe try St Johns Wort, ask them first, as it helps with anxiety and mild depression and is an herbal supplement. 


Good luck!

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