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husband has another baby

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:47 AM
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What can i do to help myself accept a baby that was concieved during me and my fiancees 2 month break up. I kinda had put it behind me bc i was in denile about it. I didnt think it would bother me as much but we have a 3 year old girl already and the baby is now one. And it just kinda bothers me when hes here knowing the fact i lost my little boy months before he had her pregnant. Now we have our own little boy on the way in the next few weeks i just want us to be happy but now i have to continue sharing my husband with another family for the rest of my life its just nerve wrecking and upseting that itll always be another woman and child in his life. So i feel will never be his first priorties i mean how can we. Not how i pictured my happy family.
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:47 AM
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liams_mama12
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 6:24 AM
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I'm really really sorry to hear that you're going thru this. I'm putting myself in your shoes right now and my stomach is getting that nervous-anxious anxiety feeling. Just the thought of my Dh doing that to me gets me upset. That would really frustrate me. Why did you guys break up in the first place, if you don't mind me asking ? And yes, even tho you have a little boy now you will still always have to share him. I don't even know what I would do. If my man got someone pregnant in 2 months after we broke up then I most likely wouldn't be with him. I just couldn't deal with that..... I would'nt be able to grasp it. That happened wayyy to soon after a break up. And we already have a daughter together ? Jesus.... What made you take him back ?? I wish you the best of luck because I don't think I could have been as strong as you. I'm really sorry. I know reading this isn't helping you at all.....



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july09baby
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 9:22 PM
Thanks for even commenting. After i lost the baby i guess we both handeld it differantly. And shortly after he had left after that. He was my first love my first real relationship he was all i really knew and plus i wantef my daughter to grow up with both parents. He didnt know she was pregnant at the time we had gotten back together. Weeks had past she decided to call and give him the big news. It was heart breaking but he apologized and i forgave him. I wasnt going to let her win and spite me....thats what she was expectin. I was really just hoping she was lying or faking...but hes here now i told him to get a dna test but i guess he just so for sure that he is. I just feel so bad bc the baby comes over and i look at him with disgust and shame i want to hate him and not even look at him bc i resent him that my other son never made it and here he is....its just so hard to accept. I mean i do for the boy i just dont think i could ever love him
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lalasha
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:59 PM
I don't understand what there is. You were broken up. Are you jealous that her body kept his baby and didn't cause her the pain yours caused you/him?
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july09baby
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:10 PM
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Why u even comment if u had nothing helpful to say.... u can leave my post with that thank you.
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Laronda367
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 1:54 AM
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yes i understand that could be hard i know that i was in a situation some what like this except my guy already had a child when we first got together it was frustrating because me and the bio mom didn't get along i hated her and her same, but yes the lil girl would come over and she looked just like her and just knowing that was there daughter together not ours its been a few years now and me and him got a 1 year old son of our own now and a baby on the way as for the little girl she calls me mom now because the girl left her and yes it was sweet and i took on the shoes of helping to raise her but it was not always easy just because she isn't mine biologically and sometimes dealing with her was just tough as for right now tho me and there father is separated so i have moved out the home from him so i been taking care of my son for now i still talk and send lil gifts or clothes to the little girl i mean i do care for her and i grew my own type of love for her it isn't the same how i feel for my actual child but its a respectful type of love a care for her type love because i do :) so hopefully maybe threw time as it goes by u will feel different towards the child and the situation i mean right now though its still to early and i understand ur feelings of being hurt and not  really wanting to see this child but hopefully through time god will heel you girl :) keep your head up stay strong!


july09baby
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:42 AM
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Thank you so much for that...it really means a lot its not something that u can just deal with right off top and u understand u said everything I feel


Quoting Laronda367:

yes i understand that could be hard i know that i was in a situation some what like this except my guy already had a child when we first got together it was frustrating because me and the bio mom didn't get along i hated her and her same, but yes the lil girl would come over and she looked just like her and just knowing that was there daughter together not ours its been a few years now and me and him got a 1 year old son of our own now and a baby on the way as for the little girl she calls me mom now because the girl left her and yes it was sweet and i took on the shoes of helping to raise her but it was not always easy just because she isn't mine biologically and sometimes dealing with her was just tough as for right now tho me and there father is separated so i have moved out the home from him so i been taking care of my son for now i still talk and send lil gifts or clothes to the little girl i mean i do care for her and i grew my own type of love for her it isn't the same how i feel for my actual child but its a respectful type of love a care for her type love because i do :) so hopefully maybe threw time as it goes by u will feel different towards the child and the situation i mean right now though its still to early and i understand ur feelings of being hurt and not  really wanting to see this child but hopefully through time god will heel you girl :) keep your head up stay strong!



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SHORTSHORT
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 3:35 AM

i have no magic words to make the pain/hurt lessen i have never ben thru it an can't honestly say i know how you feel because i don't..but are you going to/tried try an build relationship with this baby?

liams_mama12
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 6:08 AM
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I think I would feel the same way... even though it's not right. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. I mean, you lost your son and then she got pregnant.... it's heart breaking. But now God has given you a son. I know it will be hard to deal with it, but since you both love each other, you have to make it work. Do you and the other woman communicate at all ? Do you think he had some sort of feelings for her ? Because you said he didn't get a DNA test... I'm thinking maybe he "knows" that the boy is his only because he and the other woman had some sort of relationship. I think that in time, your wounds will heal. It's not the boys fault, just remember that. You already proved that you are a strong woman for still being with him despite how you feel so I know you can do anything. I know you can handle this. The only thing that really bothered me is the fact that after you miscarried, you guys broke up and he went to another woman.... even though you both dealt with the the loss- it happened to YOUR body. I don't think he should have been with another woman so quickly, especially is he was hurt by the loss of his son. I'm only guessing it was a miscarriage by the way. I wish you the best of luck !
Quoting july09baby:

Thanks for even commenting. After i lost the baby i guess we both handeld it differantly. And shortly after he had left after that. He was my first love my first real relationship he was all i really knew and plus i wantef my daughter to grow up with both parents. He didnt know she was pregnant at the time we had gotten back together. Weeks had past she decided to call and give him the big news. It was heart breaking but he apologized and i forgave him. I wasnt going to let her win and spite me....thats what she was expectin. I was really just hoping she was lying or faking...but hes here now i told him to get a dna test but i guess he just so for sure that he is. I just feel so bad bc the baby comes over and i look at him with disgust and shame i want to hate him and not even look at him bc i resent him that my other son never made it and here he is....its just so hard to accept. I mean i do for the boy i just dont think i could ever love him


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july09baby
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:46 AM
thank you so much that really was some good advice everything you said you were absolutely right. It just had me thinking that maybe she had been in the picture for sometime since he had just left and was already talking to her but who knows I have four more more weeks till our son here.I just been stressing BC his other son is down here. Our daughter is three his son is one and now will have this my children will do the math one day and ask why they are so close in age and I will have to explain..... not to mention they had another brother that same year that didn't make it. I just feel sorry for myself sometimes bc a lot of my family and friends say they couldn't deal with something like that and maybe there right maybe Im making myself do something I know I will never get over...its constant heart ache


Quoting liams_mama12:

I think I would feel the same way... even though it's not right. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. I mean, you lost your son and then she got pregnant.... it's heart breaking. But now God has given you a son. I know it will be hard to deal with it, but since you both love each other, you have to make it work. Do you and the other woman communicate at all ? Do you think he had some sort of feelings for her ? Because you said he didn't get a DNA test... I'm thinking maybe he "knows" that the boy is his only because he and the other woman had some sort of relationship. I think that in time, your wounds will heal. It's not the boys fault, just remember that. You already proved that you are a strong woman for still being with him despite how you feel so I know you can do anything. I know you can handle this. The only thing that really bothered me is the fact that after you miscarried, you guys broke up and he went to another woman.... even though you both dealt with the the loss- it happened to YOUR body. I don't think he should have been with another woman so quickly, especially is he was hurt by the loss of his son. I'm only guessing it was a miscarriage by the way. I wish you the best of luck !

Quoting july09baby:

Thanks for even commenting. After i lost the baby i guess we both handeld it differantly. And shortly after he had left after that. He was my first love my first real relationship he was all i really knew and plus i wantef my daughter to grow up with both parents. He didnt know she was pregnant at the time we had gotten back together. Weeks had past she decided to call and give him the big news. It was heart breaking but he apologized and i forgave him. I wasnt going to let her win and spite me....thats what she was expectin. I was really just hoping she was lying or faking...but hes here now i told him to get a dna test but i guess he just so for sure that he is. I just feel so bad bc the baby comes over and i look at him with disgust and shame i want to hate him and not even look at him bc i resent him that my other son never made it and here he is....its just so hard to accept. I mean i do for the boy i just dont think i could ever love him

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liams_mama12
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:05 PM
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I know it's constant heartache.... I know the feeling. My story is different from yours but I was in a 3 year relationship and I really thought he loved me. We got into a bad argument so I went and stayed with my cousin for a week. During that week we had been talking on the phone and we made up. I said that I wanted to treat him to dinner and a movie. He agreed to pick me up on Saturday. I go and get pretty. I spent so much money getting my hair done, nails, eye brows, new outfit, shoes you name it, all to impress him. I thought that maybe if I switched it up a little bit that it would keep our relationship more interesting. So the day of, he calls me and tells me he's on his way. The drive was only 20 mins. An hour passes and he still wasn't here so I call him and he tells me that his dad broke up with his girlfriend and needed comfort. The lamest fucking bullshit lie ever. So I said what about our date ?? Your father can handle himself. He's a grown ass man in his 40's like wtf could you do to make him feel any better ? He goes, there's a cop lemme call you back and he never did. I didn't hear from him for 4 whole days. I left him so many messages sounding like a damn fool. My aunt's gf came to the house and said that she seen him driving around with some white girl and that he seen them go into his house. So I already knew what it was. It's just funny how she appeared so suddenly. Guys aren't stupid. They're only single when they wanna be. He was seeing her the whole time behind my back, unless she was a hoe lol but I don't think so. I know it's gonna be hard having to explain everything to your children but you gotta do what you gotta do. I think you should just try to make it work. You already have 2 kids with him now. Now if you suspect anything else going on, then leave his ass ! He put your heart thru enough. I know your daughter and eventually your son is going to want to see their father, so do it for them. But he will always have to listen to 2 women. So it would be in his best interest to make sure you're happy !!! If it not's working and you find that no matter how hard you try, you're still hurting inside, just leave him. He could still see his children but if you can't deal with all that extra then do you. Good luck :)
Quoting july09baby:

thank you so much that really was some good advice everything you said you were absolutely right. It just had me thinking that maybe she had been in the picture for sometime since he had just left and was already talking to her but who knows I have four more more weeks till our son here.I just been stressing BC his other son is down here. Our daughter is three his son is one and now will have this my children will do the math one day and ask why they are so close in age and I will have to explain..... not to mention they had another brother that same year that didn't make it. I just feel sorry for myself sometimes bc a lot of my family and friends say they couldn't deal with something like that and maybe there right maybe Im making myself do something I know I will never get over...its constant heart ache


Quoting liams_mama12:

I think I would feel the same way... even though it's not right. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. I mean, you lost your son and then she got pregnant.... it's heart breaking. But now God has given you a son. I know it will be hard to deal with it, but since you both love each other, you have to make it work. Do you and the other woman communicate at all ? Do you think he had some sort of feelings for her ? Because you said he didn't get a DNA test... I'm thinking maybe he "knows" that the boy is his only because he and the other woman had some sort of relationship. I think that in time, your wounds will heal. It's not the boys fault, just remember that. You already proved that you are a strong woman for still being with him despite how you feel so I know you can do anything. I know you can handle this. The only thing that really bothered me is the fact that after you miscarried, you guys broke up and he went to another woman.... even though you both dealt with the the loss- it happened to YOUR body. I don't think he should have been with another woman so quickly, especially is he was hurt by the loss of his son. I'm only guessing it was a miscarriage by the way. I wish you the best of luck !

Quoting july09baby:

Thanks for even commenting. After i lost the baby i guess we both handeld it differantly. And shortly after he had left after that. He was my first love my first real relationship he was all i really knew and plus i wantef my daughter to grow up with both parents. He didnt know she was pregnant at the time we had gotten back together. Weeks had past she decided to call and give him the big news. It was heart breaking but he apologized and i forgave him. I wasnt going to let her win and spite me....thats what she was expectin. I was really just hoping she was lying or faking...but hes here now i told him to get a dna test but i guess he just so for sure that he is. I just feel so bad bc the baby comes over and i look at him with disgust and shame i want to hate him and not even look at him bc i resent him that my other son never made it and here he is....its just so hard to accept. I mean i do for the boy i just dont think i could ever love him



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