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Domestic Violence info

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I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!! 

What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
by on Jul. 19, 2008 at 7:03 PM
Replies (41-46):
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 4:29 PM

Hey, I just wanted to say that this what a really great post and I hope more moms read it.

by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 8:51 AM

OK, here is my situation, my children and I are currently in an abusive situation.It is mostly verbal/ emotional, and some sexual. I have talked to him several times, but of course he does not see that he is doing anything wrong, and gets on to me about taking up for the kids, saying that I am undermining him, and that, that's why the kids act the way they do. When in reality my children act up because of his behavior towards me and them. I have been taking online classes since Nov. 2010. So that I can get out of this situation and take care of my kids. I do not have anyone that I know that can help me. My mom lives out of the area and has her own problems, and I have never formed a close friendship. He has been unemployed for about a year now. He is home nearly all the time too, making it more difficult for me to get my housework & schoolwork done and time to move out of this situation. I met him in 2006 and married him in 2008. He really did not become abusive till the past couple of years (that I've noticed anyways)and it has become a lot worse recently. Could this be due to him being unemployed all this time? I don't know. Maybe he just has low self esteem. He as done so many good things, but this just erases all of it!

 I want to leave the state, but have two daughters from my previous relationship. I have primary of both of them, but 1, 2, and 3rd weekend grandma picks up for the weekend. Father gets supervised. Yea, I know I had previously got into a bad relationship, which was not noticable until I had a child by him. How can I move out of state under these custody circumstance? Can I get a name change for all of us? I am just not sure...

by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 8:57 AM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 4:26 PM

Hello all... I am new to the site and the group. I am currently going through a divorce... I know it is the right thing to do as I fall under most all bullet points in these categories... the problem is.. it is HARD to figure out a new normal. I mean.. when your in it.. that is your normal. Without it- the constant chaos.. its hard to breathe now. I am just looking to make new friends and maybe become myself again. I was only married for 2 years, however I did and do love him. I just know that he is not good for me or my son and I had to put my foot down. Finally.

by on Oct. 26, 2012 at 4:17 PM

i wish i would have had the nerve to go to a place like this. or just to know that there are people out there willing to listen and help good job ladies 

by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Thank you for posting this. I thought my daughter was possibly in a relationship dating or friends with tthis guy and the signs are defintitly there. I wrote down the signs and will be showing this to her tonight. Thank you. ~Lisa
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