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I want to get different views on this…but please no bashing or negativity…thxs

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:43 PM
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typing

I am a proud mother to a wonderful 5 year old boy.  I have a wonderful and beautiful relationship with my son; I'd like to say just as if he was my very own.  Confused???  I don't like using the term but I will say it here....I am his step mother and he is my step son.  We have been together since he was 13 months old.  I am the one he calls "Mommy".

His BM...I've met her under not so very nice circumstances.  See, his BM is considered by law a convicted drug felony...she has been in and out of jail lots of times and has even been to prison (she didn't serve a long term).  While in prison that is when our communication began.  It all started with a letter she wrote to my DH and I read it and I felt the need to respond.  We began a relationship...she is "Mommy 1" and I am "Mommy 2".  I met her when DH and I went to fight for his daughter...yes aside the fact that DH has our son he also has a daughter to which he did not know about that we were trying to gain custody of since she was with the state.  Unfortunately, we lost but that a completely different story for another day.  Anyways, that when BM and I met in person of course behind a glass aside from pics that I had set before.

 BM did eventually got out of prison and went her way trying to get back on her feet she is even engaged to be married and is expecting (which we found out today).  She hardly calls she called for my sons bday and left a message on the machine then I tried calling her back but I found out she was in rehab.  Then she called today and DH spoke to her for a good long while. 

Here is where I would like to get different views....

How do you think DH and I should go about telling our son about his BM?  Our son really does not know her.  Do you think that right now he is still to young to be told?  I have been told that I should make it like a story....I was even thinking of making a scrapbook with pictures of her and his siblings (my son also has an older sister, same mom different dad).

 What do you think?????????????????

UPDATE TO THIS POST---7/1/09

Well 2day I spoke to my SS BM over the phone and she spoke to my SS.  After the conversation ended I finally told my SS who she was and even showed him pictures...and to my surprised he handled it very well.  He didn't cry or anything, he even pick a few pictures that he wanted to put up.  I'm glad I did that because it gave me a sense of relief.  I've been battling the decision to tell him for a long time now.  Of course, DH was not present when I told him but he knew that I was going to tell him.  Now my concern turns to DH because I asked him how does he feel now that our son knows who his BM is and I have yet to get an answer from him...IDK but I have a gut feeling that something bothers him but I'm just letting it be for now.  Now I will see tomorrow how SS and DH will be....

 

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:43 PM
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Replies (1-7):
MooreTrio
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:50 PM

I am definitely of no use, but here's a Bump for ya!

                           canadian
         
Skyler's going to be a big brother to Adelyn Emberly February 27th!





 

countrybaby89
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:54 PM

I think that a scrapbook and story sound like a good idea... If you make a scrap book type story book for him i think he will understand better. I want to make  a book for my son about each of his reletives that have past and will pass before he gets older.... It would be live a custom story book

thebestbrianne
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:54 PM

I think the scrap book idea would be great. He should be able to see his siblings, it's not their fault his BM is a druggie. I have an adopted brother that's BM has the same issues. He also has 2 older sisters and has a book with thier pictures.

Join me at Non-Religious Mommies!

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jroseh68
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:59 PM

I agree that scrapbook idea is great.  Def is a better way to intrduce him to the fact that he has another "mother".  Im sorry in my opinion you are his mother she is the other.  Anyway you are a great person to want to make sure he knows about his other family members.

Jennifer
Krysten309
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:00 PM

My mother just adopted a little boy who's mother had her rights taken away because of drugs. I know that she is going to be telling him from the beginning to not have a moment of shock when he is older and feel that he has been "lied" to for his whole life, basically. So he will just grow up knowing that he was adopted because "his mother couldn't care for him." And when he is older, she'll tell him WHY she couldn't take care of him.

I think that it's a different situation for every family, though. You should really think about your son's personallity and what you think would be best for him, before you decide from other people's opinions.

-krysten
during pregnancy
"There is no fear in love; for perfect love casts out fear ... " 1 John 4:18
Manda0303
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:00 PM

I don't really know. I wasn't told my dad wasn't my real dad until I was 12. The only reason I was told was because I found one of my adoption papers.

noplacelike_ohm
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 10:44 AM
You know, the boy isn't going to think it's weird or uncomfortable unless you and your DH make it seem as if he should be uncomfortable. Tell the boy about his mom. Let him know she's out there and making a scrapbook would be great. He is going to eventually want to know more about her and she is eventually going to want to know more about him. That's just the nature of things but it doesn't change the fact that YOU are mom. She isn't going to take away your baby. Just be cool with it. Think of it like a favorite Aunt. My husband is my children's father. He is the one they depend on and lean on but their bio dad is like this awesome favorite Uncle that gets to take them on trips and do these really cool things with. And that relationship is between the kids and their dad. If he hurts their feelings, well as hard as it is you have to stand back and let that happen. If you middle man it then it will only turn around on you. If they have this great relationship then that means she's doing something right by your son and you can be happy that he isn't being damaged. If she's an ass then he'll figure it out and decide for himself without resenting you or DH for standing in his way. Either way, you have the love of your boy and a much happier home.
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