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My 3 1/2 yr old daughter refuses to use potty

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:28 PM
  • 12 Replies

My daughter who is 3 1/2 yrs old refuses to use the potty, I have worked with her on/off since she was two, it is so frustrating I just don't what to do! I mean I can't force her to do it. I don't want her to be behind and miss out on preschool. When I try to encourage her to sit on the potty she says "I don't want to". She's worn pullups for a long time, she doesn't mind it when their soiled and full. I've just recently switched to cloth training pants, I've heard they work better because the child will feel more discomfort and want to use the potty, so far its not helping, sometimes she doesn't even tell me, and sometimes she will say "I need new ones". It makes me feel like a bad mother when I see and hear about other kids being potty trained before her. I feel that if I would have done something different when she was younger this might have gone differently. Any advice.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jahyi
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:14 PM

Hi Luvmylilgl (?)

Can you put the potty in the toilet and show her how you go to the toilet? That is the way I do. I encourage my baby daughter to follow me. Then she sits on the potty. My daughter is not fully toilet trained yet. But I think that she might be getting there. There have been countless frustraiting moments of course. I bought the training pants but stopped using them as it is so expensive and my baby was not doing anything. She used to tell me when it was already wet. So I stopped using it.  Please try and don't get discouraged.

jenniferlee_12
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:24 AM
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Please don't blame yourself. Some kids just take a little longer. Does she want to go to school? Can you bribe her with that?

abra
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:10 AM
Have you tried barebottom?
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MommyVC
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:14 AM

My oldest boy is your DD's age and is just recently stopping the tantrum every time I mention the toilet.  We started a sticker chart with his name on it and also tried a piggy bank for rewards.  I went to underwear because with pull-ups, they may not even know they've soiled themselves.  It's really just a diaper in the end.  I started making him go every time we did something different.  "Oh, you're ready to play play-doh?  Let's go potty so mommy can get you some."  I don't give him what he wants unless he takes care of business first.  It sounds mean, but it really works and now he lets himself into the bathroom and just goes by himself.  Good luck!

Katherine696997
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Quoting Jahyi:

Hi Luvmylilgl (?)


Can you put the potty in the toilet and show her how you go to the toilet? That is the way I do. I encourage my baby daughter to follow me. Then she sits on the potty. My daughter is not fully toilet trained yet. But I think that she might be getting there. There have been countless frustraiting moments of course. I bought the training pants but stopped using them as it is so expensive and my baby was not doing anything. She used to tell me when it was already wet. So I stopped using it.  Please try and don't get discouraged.



hwifeandmom
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:54 PM
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Bare bottom as a previous poster suggestsed is a good idea, as are the cloth training pants you're using.  If you continue with the cloth pants, you might try putting vinyl underpants (like what goes over cloth diapers) on top of the underpants, to help contain messes.  When your daughter wets herself, just be very calm and matter-of-fact about it.  If she doesn't say anything, then let her sit in them.  If she gets a rash, then explain that that's what happens when you sit in wet underpants.  If she decides that she wants her pants changed when she's wet, then let her do it herself (or as much of it by herself as possible).  These are natural consequences for failing to use the toilet.  

If you take the responsibility away from your daughter (hurrying to change her pants when she's wet), then she does not get to experience the result of failing to go potty properly.  She has no motivation to change HER behavior when mom will fix it for her.  She needs to experience the consequences of her choices.  You might calmly point out to her that using the toilet is faster and easier than cleaning up her messes when she goes potty in her clothes.

If she poops in her pants, then let her wash out her soiled underpants in the sink.

As far as feeling bad about her not being potty trained, don't!  I have four children.  All potty trained at different ages and with different levels of cooperation and interest.  You can second-guess yourself but it won't necessarily change who your daughter is and how easily she would have potty trained.  It just makes you feel bad (I know it's easier said than done, especially when you're in the middle of the situation).

Best wishes.


momof4kids2012
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 9:12 AM

i am having the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old son he stiffens up and screams so loud my husband takes him and shows him but still don't work i was thinking of giving him a quarter every time he does the potty even  a lolly pop any one think that is a good idea ?

abra
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 11:21 AM
I think if that will work then go for it!

Quoting momof4kids2012:

i am having the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old son he stiffens up and screams so loud my husband takes him and shows him but still don't work i was thinking of giving him a quarter every time he does the potty even  a lolly pop any one think that is a good idea ?

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luvmylilgl
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 6:18 PM

Thanks for the support & advice!

Godspitgrl
by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 8:02 PM
Hope a.l the advice given helps.
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