I think I'm going to cry... I feel torn! LONG

[m4m4j]

So DD is 4 weeks and we have been EP (I did give her formula for 1 day before I decided to pump.) Anyways my supply was great and then I passed through the engorgement phase and made it through that and was so happy. In 2 weeks I was able to pump double what she needed so I had about 250 oz frozen by then. Then I got mastitis and my supply dipped and I panicked. Thankfully it went back up on day 2 of antibiotics and everything was great again. Well I decided to start weaning off the pump (I never planned to go for a year) Bc I was already back at work at 2 weeks PP and I'm a mother of 3 so it's time consuming plus school is starting for DD and myself also (I'm in school for nursing) so that's just alot to keep us busy without stopping to pump. My goal was make it to a month (which with my freezer stash I will no problem). Now that I am down to just 1 pump a day though I'm freaking out. I hate pumping, I do but I love that I am able to provide for my dd. I feel so sad that I have to stop but I also know that it will be hard with working 5 days and school the other 2 plus at least 10 hours a week of studying and maintaining my house clean and family fed and dd will be in ballet and doing homework (she's starting kinder) and my DS (he's 1) still needs his attention and time plus my NB also needs bonding. It's ALOT to handle. Also we are moving next month.

I just didn't think I would be this torn up and sad about it. I wish I could pump 1-2 times a day and have that be enough without being engorged the rest of the day. Or I wish I was a stay at home mom and just doing school and had the time to pump around the clock. I'm not looking for a solution, I've tried to find a way to make it work and I just can't but I still feel really torn about it, especially Bc I hoped we would go longer and that my stash would last until 3 months at least. I just want to cry, I want to do this for my dd Bc I never got to experience breast feeding with any of my kids so at least I had this with my last. Then I told SO that I feel torn about this and he just says to stop pumping and finish the freezer stash and give her formula, like it's no big deal, like it's the same thing... Why don't men get it.

I just needed to vent I guess, I really wish I could keep doing this =( it's so hard but why do I feel so sad about stopping something that has me miserable and exhausted.

[MommyO2-6631]

Because you know it's what is best for your baby. And believe me it's not an easy task when you are a stay at home mom either. At least you gave your baby your milk for as long as you could :) you should be very proud of that!

[m4m4j]

Oh no! I KNOW being a SAHM doesn't make it easier as far as pumping goes, it's just easier for me to space out cleaning the house and cooking and getting the kids wound down in the evenings w/out working. Right now I work and then get home no earlier than 5pm to cook, clean, laundry, baths for the kids, pump, homework, get the kids in bed and get everything ready for the next day. If I was home I wouldn't have to do all that before 9, I could have the house clean and laundry done (on a good day) and already start dinner before 5. Then I would just have to deal with the rest.

I in NO way mean SAHM have it easy!!!! I am not a SAHM not just Bc we need both incomes but Bc I don't think I could handle it honestly! It's non-stop work and no breaks.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

Because you know it's what is best for your baby. And believe me it's not an easy task when you are a stay at home mom either. At least you gave your baby your milk for as long as you could :) you should be very proud of that!

[CandiceDanielle]

I think guilt is just part of being a mother. I've pumped for 13 months almost and since I'm losing my supply,I have no choice but to stop soon and I still feel guilty!
I don't think we ever feel we do enough or do anything good enough.

[m4m4j]

Wow! 13 months!!! Ur my hero lol. But yes that is true!!! Guilt is def part of the package... Ughh!

Quoting CandiceDanielle:

I think guilt is just part of being a mother. I've pumped for 13 months almost and since I'm losing my supply,I have no choice but to stop soon and I still feel guilty!

I don't think we ever feel we do enough or do anything good enough.

[MommyO2-6631]

Oh no... i'm just saying that eping is hard for any woman. That it's challenging and time consuming.

Quoting m4m4j:

Oh no! I KNOW being a SAHM doesn't make it easier as far as pumping goes, it's just easier for me to space out cleaning the house and cooking and getting the kids wound down in the evenings w/out working. Right now I work and then get home no earlier than 5pm to cook, clean, laundry, baths for the kids, pump, homework, get the kids in bed and get everything ready for the next day. If I was home I wouldn't have to do all that before 9, I could have the house clean and laundry done (on a good day) and already start dinner before 5. Then I would just have to deal with the rest.



I in NO way mean SAHM have it easy!!!! I am not a SAHM not just Bc we need both incomes but Bc I don't think I could handle it honestly! It's non-stop work and no breaks.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

Because you know it's what is best for your baby. And believe me it's not an easy task when you are a stay at home mom either. At least you gave your baby your milk for as long as you could :) you should be very proud of that!

[summer11baby]

My daughter just turned one on the 9th. I planned on stopping at a year but I just can't bring myself to quit. I know how you feel!

[babymaycker]

It is completely natural to feel guilty. Some days I get so mad I wanna throw my pump at the wall. Other days I wonder how I'm ever going to stop pumping and switch to cows milk or whatnot. Its hard on some moms who can bf and wean. You've done great, don't go cold turkey, ease into it. It'll help you as you gradually decrease, reduce risk of infection or clogged duct, and if you end up able to pump more, you won't have as much work ahead of you to rebuild supply.

Be proud, you've already done more than some women have done. You're wonderful :)