Saw Birth Son on Saturday ~ UPDATE IN RED
here are my before (in black) and after (in red) on seeing my birth son on Sat.
I get to see my bs on saturday and it's going to be the first time in 5 years. he's 12 now. his mom and dad just found out that he has been bullied at school, his dad is a toxic and selfish person (him and my bs mom just got a divorce) cassandra, his mom, is a wonderful and caring person.
anywho, on saturday cassandra thinks with the pro9blems in school, which brandon never talked about, his tic's that are getting worse because of the bullying, and the all around people think i suck time he's going through, that meeting us would be good. show brandon that people all over love him and care deeply for him
I wasn't the best mom to him, i didn't stop the bullshit that my ex husband said to him, didn't stop the spankings that he received, didn't do anything for the family. whenthe ex kicked me and my 2 boys out, the road to cassandra adopting brandon started. it was supposed to be just a change in legal rights, i was supposed to still see him, have him included in my life, but with the ex being such an evil person that neve happened. well they are divorced now and cassandra has said that we are getting together this weekend adn start the road to better.
I am just sick over this. i want to see brandon, i would love to have him in my kids life if not mine, and i pray that everything works out for the better. i am such a "look at the tarnish side of the coin person" that i'm figuring that he might just run off screaming/crying and this is going to damage him beyond repair. how does it feel? what is it like to see the kid that you let go? how did they react? what's the worse thing that has happened?
Really the questions go on and on......I just don't kow what to do. I'm scared.
It went amazing!! They got there around 7:30 that night, we stayed at my brothers house until around 10 and Cassandra invited us back to her house and ofcourse we went :) We ended up staying the night, kids played outside for a few hours after we got there, made pallets on the floor, watched a movie and fell asleep. The next morning, they played outside for a few hours and when it was time for us to go, Brandon asked why. That made my heart soar. We are going to have my dd 6th bday out at his house and we are talking about maybe doing something the night before Thanksgiving.
Everything is on his time and there isn't any pressure and he knows that. When he got there, I welcomed him the same way I welcomed his 2 sibs, and told him how glad I was that him and his mom finally made it to the BBQ.
It went the best that I could of imagined, better than I thought it would. I had my breakdown on Thursday, cried, yelled, screamed, cried....well you get the idea. Now I am just glad that I saw him, got to hug him, and finally after all these years, saw all 3 of my bio kids together. That ment so much to me.
We might not be a family yet, but we are definately on the road to where I am going to be crazy Aunt Michelle, and I am 100% okay with that.
As far as Brandons parents thinking he didn't remember me and then finding out that he did, this whole time, the bullying in school, and his ADHD/Turetts, he is going to go to counceling and they are FINALLY putting him on medication. Something that for the last 4-5 years Cassandra wanted to do.
Here are a couple of pics:
all 3 first picture together EVER!
Brandon at my BBQ
Brandon, Trev and Me
Trevor, Brandon and Bri
Brandon and Cassandra, his mom
All 7 of our kids. Names in ages, Brandon, Brianna, Trevor, Ethan, Gracie, Sydney, Micah. All related in some form ^_^ a big happy family...well on the way to one
The 2 Moms