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I gave up... do you think its time to start again?

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 3:33 PM
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My DD was 22 months when she started showing signs she was ready. We bought a potty, pull-ups, put together a rewards system, and started in but slowly. I wanted her to be in charge of the pace. It was going great. She loved to sit on the potty, sometimes would pee on it, got to the point where she knew she had to pee and would tell us... but always AS she was peeing. Still - it was great progress! Then it stopped. Cold tukey. It turned into fighting with her just to get her to sit on the stupid toilet! Once it got to the point where I felt like i wasted to punish her for not trying, I knew it had to stop. We needed a break. So we went back to diapers and never spoke about the potty for 2 weeks. 2 weeks has turned into a month (of peace!). She is still not interested in the potty. Even tells me all the time that she is a baby and she needs diapers. I tell her 'no you are not a baby. 2 is a big girl!'. Either way - she wants noting to do with potty training.

At what point do I have to get back to this nightmare? i can't just let her wear diapers forever! Of course, it doesn't help when my mom tells me things like 'your cousins 2-year old is fully potty trained - did it all on her own one day', or when my friend who is a family thereapist tells me 'you really need to take the lead on this soon! parents underestimate how important potty training is to the overall developmet of their child!'.

Ugh! I can't do this.


by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 3:33 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Dec. 1, 2009 at 6:37 PM

I totally agree- you need to take the lead on this, not let her decide if she's going to do it or not.

This is what I recommend: http://www.cafemom.com/group/562/forums/read/4235060/3_Day_Potty_Training_Post.  It's what I used with my son when he was 23 months old and he did great.  There were no fights about it. 

Let me know if you have questions.

KyleesMommy2007
by on Dec. 9, 2009 at 10:04 PM

I agree! You need to be in charge and let her know that she doesn't need diapers anymore. My daughter knows when she needs to go, but she begs for a diaper and sometimes I can't help but give in. Keep going! She will catch on!

Garionsmommy
by on Dec. 9, 2009 at 10:46 PM

I agree that you need to take charge of it.  This is all in the 3-day method listed but a few pointers:  First and foremost, don't put her in pull-ups (they are just like diapers and children don't do as well with them).  Put her straight in panties (get a lot because she will have accidents).  Try and find some that she can relate to...for instance if she likes Disney Princess's, get her those panties and when she has an accident tell her things like, "Cinderella doesn't like to smell like potty."  This way she relates it all together.  Secondly, don't go the slow route.  Either make up your mind and go full blown or don't do it at all.  Keep in mind that potty training takes a lot of commitment and patience on your part and if you get irritated, she will sense it and it will throw her back a few steps.  Thirdly, make sure that whatever you give her as a reward, is strictly a potty reward; meaning she doesn't get it at any other time other than going potty and poopy on the toilet.  We use M&M's.  My boys don't get to eat any candy so the M&M's are a big treat.  When they were training, they would get one for going potty and two for going poopy.  It was the only time they got them so the M&M's remained special. Lastly, even though we use what's called the 3-day method, it doesn't mean that kids will be completely trained in 3-days.  It just means that the child should at least have the basic concept as to going in the toilet.  Some children take longer and some get it really quick but the main thing is for you not to get discouraged about it.  Good luck.

dd1nurse
by on Dec. 11, 2009 at 7:19 PM

I do not agree...I am letting my , just turned 3 yr old, take the lead...it is his body and he knows it best. He will not be in diapers on his wedding day. I am confident that he will potty train in his own time.Hopefully this is not too naive...I just know my son He is a very intelligent little one. Kristen

Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Dec. 11, 2009 at 10:31 PM


Quoting dd1nurse:

I do not agree...I am letting my , just turned 3 yr old, take the lead...it is his body and he knows it best. He will not be in diapers on his wedding day. I am confident that he will potty train in his own time.Hopefully this is not too naive...I just know my son He is a very intelligent little one. Kristen


For a lot of kids, the longer you wait, the longer and harder it is to potty train the child.  After all, it's easier to break a habit that's only 2 years old versus trying to break a habit that's 3 or more years old.

You may want to read this article: http://www.cafemom.com/group/562/forums/read/6117114/Another_great_article_about_potty_training

Typically parents don't let their kids decide when they are going to do other importan things in their lives (like when they are going to take baths, when they are going to eat, when they are going to go to bed each night, etc.) so I'm not sure where the idea came from to let them potty train when they want to take the lead.  I'm not bashing you or anything.  I'm just stating that I don't get that philosophy. 

MamaLehua
by on Dec. 20, 2009 at 4:01 AM

I read a book about potty training in one day. The main thing the author stressed is: don't punish your child for lapses in potty training. You wouldn't punish your child for falling down when s/he was learning to walk, so you shouldn't punish your child for falling down when s/he's learning to use the potty. The concern I have when people say "the parent has to take the lead" is that it sounds like they're implying the child is bad if the child isn't training as the parent thinks the child needs to be trained. 

My now 3 1/2 year old daughter was showing signs of readiness at 2 in that she was waking up dry most mornings. So I decided to put her in panties and take her potty every 1/2 hour. After 3 hours, she had peed in the toilet once or twice, but she had also peed in her panties twice, and one time, peed in her high chair and was seemingly oblivious to what was happening.  She didn't notice she had peed. I did when I heard the sound of running water hitting the floor.

We switched her to pull-ups mainly b/c my husband was home with her in the day and he felt that was the better way to go. I disagreed, but since he was the main one doing it, I felt he should have a say. That helped a little bc we could praise her for being dry. But it didn't help her feel when she needed to go pee.

Last week I decided to try the 3 day intense thing. I put her in training pants, you know, the thick ones, not regular panties. We have 9 pair, and she had ran through all 9 by 7 pm that first day, fortunately, bath time. She didn't run through as many the rest of the week, but it was clear she wasn't understanding the feeling of needing to pee. When she started peeing, she would say I'm peeing and we would run to the toilet. But getting wet was her signal.

Finally yesterday, I was talking to her and I saw her put her hand down on her genitals. I asked her if she wanted to pee, and she said yes. We ran to the toilet and she made it. That was my first sign that she was starting to get the feeling of having to pee before she started peeing.

The hardest part with the 3 day intense thing is that you can't do anything else. That isn't realistic in my opinion. I have to live life. I have to do laundry, take care of the cats, clean the kitchen. I want her running and playing for an hour at least each day. I need to do grocery shopping. That's my problem with it. So basically, I stress taking her every half hour to the potty. I talk to her about feeling when she has to go. I have not gotten her cute panties. I've told her she can have those when she's fully a big girl and always pees in the toilet. We stop and look at them when we're in the store. But I stress that those will wait until she's always going on the toilet.

I hope this helps.

Aloha!

 

MamaLehua, aka Eliza's Mommy
The Impossible is Possible

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