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Need help: toddler knows to pee in potty but still relies on mom's vigilance even after 3 months of training

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2011 at 5:29 PM
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I feel very confused as to why I'm having so much difficulty potty training my daughter who is now 18-1/2 months, and would really appreciate any advice. Back then my son was around 23-24 months - it took about 4 days for him to grasp the concept of eliminating in the potty and he had progressively fewer accidents relatively soon. I started potty training my daughter at 15+ months using the same methods as she had displayed clear interest in sitting on the potty, and also watches her older brother, etc. It has been about 3 months, and I've had mixed results. 

My biggest confusion is I feel that my daughter understands the idea of eliminating in the potty, but for the most part, she still relies on my keeping an eye on her closely. For lack of better terms, she still doesn't know how to pee "on command" when i put her on the potty. The times she has gone in the potty are mostly when she is SO close to peeing, and I end of rushing her over, etc. It's about 3 months since i've started potty training, is this normal? Perhaps is she still too young for potty training?

I would be so truly grateful for any advice you may have for me. 

Thanks,

Stella


by on Nov. 6, 2011 at 5:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Nov. 6, 2011 at 5:53 PM
What's she wearing- pull ups, underwear, diapers, a combination of several?
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niniyan
by on Nov. 6, 2011 at 6:35 PM

my daughter wears 100 % cotton underwear (training pants) during the day time, and wears diapers only during her two naps as well as night time. Sometimes i put diapers on her when we go out - depends on the occasion, and where we go, etc. 

Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Nov. 6, 2011 at 6:45 PM
What happens when she wets herself when she is wearing the underpants? How does she react?
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niniyan
by on Nov. 6, 2011 at 9:02 PM

The majority of the time, when she wets herself, she looks down and says "peepee". On good days, many of those accidents are slight wetness in her underwear when she doesn't make it to the potty in time; she ends up emtying her bladder in the potty when I rush her to the bathroom. On not so good days (which are quite plentiful during the week), she pretty much pees thru her underwear while saying "peepee", in which case, I end up gently reminding her that peepee should be in potty, etc. 

Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Nov. 6, 2011 at 9:45 PM
Do you think she knows the 'need to go pee' feeling?

Does she ever initiate going to the potty by herself without any pee in her underwear?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm trying to narrow down what the issue might be.
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niniyan
by on Nov. 6, 2011 at 10:37 PM


I think she does know the 'need to go pee' feeling, but often times she is not thinking about it until maybe the split second before it happens. 

she has initiated going to the potty (esp in the first month or so of training), and actually peed in the potty. however, a lot times when she goes to the potty on her own, she sits there, looks like she is waiting for the pee to occur, but then gets distracted by the toys i put next to the potty. She also would say 'peepee' as if she knows that's why she's sitting on the potty, but then nothing happens. In the beginning, I used to wait 15 minutes or so, but now after 5 minutes, I tell her we only come to the potty to peepee. I don't want her to get used to sitting on the potty when she doesn't have to. Today, when this similar scenario occured where she sat on the potty and nothing happened, I got her up. Then 4 minutes later, she pees thru her underwear in the hallway, and said "mommy, peepee". (very frustrating!)

no worries - happy to answer these questions. also, helps me think more about what i could be doing to improve the situation. 

Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Nov. 7, 2011 at 5:16 AM
Has she gone a day or more without having any pee in her underwear?

Are you/have you ever offered a reward for her getting to the toilet on her on and successfully peeing?
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niniyan
by on Nov. 7, 2011 at 12:39 PM

she's has had at the most 1 day of not having any pee in her underwear; however, for the most part, her "good days" are about average 2 accidents where she tinkles a little in her underwear, then finishes off in the potty when i rush her to the bathroom. 

the past 3-1/2weeks have been particularly tough due to her successive colds/ear infections. I remember my son had regressive behavior back then, but it usually took less than a week to get him back on track. In the case of my daughter, it's a bit more challenging because her "track" was never quite solid to begin with...

in terms of reward system, i use a lot of praise, and toys to get her to go to potty. She never really resisted going to the potty, so that was never an issue. The problem for her seems to be that after 3 months or so of training, she still can't seem to "hold" it to give me a few more seconds to rush her to the potty.  I've tried to get her to go based on timing (go on command) but for the most part haven't been very successful. 



Andrewsmom70
by Group Owner on Nov. 7, 2011 at 11:52 PM
You could go one of two ways with it at this point. And I'd recommend the positive route first.

What I'd do is offer a small treat such as an M&M, Skittle, Gummi bear, mini marshmallow for each time she pees in the toilet with her initiating going. If you're not into giving treats, try giving a penny for her bank or something like that. But use something that she only gets at that time.

If you do that for a while or want to try the other approach, you can try the negative approach where she has a negative consequence for when she doesn't get to toilet on time. And that consequence would be to be put in a cool/luke warm shower quick enough to clean her up. The key is to let her know that it's her choice. She can make the choice to use the potty and not get a cool shower but wetting herself is a choice for the cool shower.

Some moms think that's mean to do but I've told a lot of moms that if it seems way too mean, then they aren't to their breaking point with the soiled underpants yet.

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niniyan
by on Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:59 PM

I did a search online on potty training your child early (in this case, around 15 months), and finally realized that what I am encountering is fairly normal when you start early. Basically, the training process ends up being more gradual and seemingly prolonged, however, the ultimate result is that the child is completely potty trained at an earlier age. Whereas if one started a bit later (as in the case of my son, back then, I started when he was 23-24 mos), then it is possible to do it in 3 or 4 days; however, for the child to be completely done (ie. naps, night time, 100% no accidents during the day), it may be a few more months. anyways, it was very insightful to read about early potty training, and it really made sense to me. Check out this article:

http://thepottybootcamp.blogspot.com/2009/01/potty-training-15-month-old-toddler.html?showComment=1310959377162#c8520107850899126220

Today, my daughter had two accidents in her undies, but then went and peed in the potty twice. She has recovered from her ear infection, and undoubtedly feels a lot better. i'm hoping she will be back on track, and things will all come together for her very soon. 


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