I feel like total emotional crap today.
I hate being a single parent. I am always tired and I feel like I can never keep up. My house is a mess, but I just don't have the energy to clean. My friends are all married and don't really understand. They don't really think about it, and I try not to complain, but I feel like my life is so much harder than theirs! And I hate the "well, you chose this life" line. No. I chose to marry a man who told me he would take care of the family and make the money and I would be able to be a stay at home mom, or only work part time. What I got was a man who lived with his mama until he got married and wanted me to do EVERYTHING for him, oh yeah, and make all the money too because he "couldn't find a job." Funny how that happens when your ass is on the couch playing Playstation all day, huh? So I got tired of doing everything and hearing how horrible I was at everything and I left his sorry ass.
I love my boyfriend. He is really the only one that has ever helped me (you know, I have people who say they are here to help, and have the best of intentions, but really just make more work for me... or make me feel like crap). I miss him so much, and I miss his help too. I miss his comforting arms at the end of the day. But I don't get to touch or hold him until Junish (gotta love the ARMY!!!) and then it's only for two weeks while he's home on R&R leave. Worst thing is we were broken up for about a month before he left (he was doing the emotional withdrawal crap and didn't realize it... told me his "feelings changed"). It sucked, all I wanted to do was spend time with him before he left and I couldn't. Anyway, he got to Kuwait and realized what he had been doing and we got back together a few weeks ago. I am so HAPPY we got back together, I never stopped missing him or loving him. But I'm so LONELY right now. All I want is him,to hug me and hold me while I cry and tell me that every thing is going to be ok.
I shouldn't complain. I have a great job, a wonderful daughter. No extreme financial trouble to speak of. My daughter's dad is far away, so if I don't feel like dealing with his sorry ass I just don't pick up the phone.
But I am so lonely and overwhelmed right now. And no one understands. Everyone thinks I'm strong and I'm doing just fine but inside I'm screaming "WON'T SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME FOR A LITTLE WHILE?!?!?!"
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out. Thanks for reading.