Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Have you felt this way?

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:10 AM
  • 5 Replies
  • 435 Total Views
Have any of you ever wondered if you had acted or done things differently that things could have been different? 

Do any of you envy your ex's current girlfriend/wife if things appear to be going well between them? 

Do you often worry that if things go well between your ex and his new thing that people will think that you were totally in the wrong?

Do any of you wish that something bad would happen to your ex so that you would not have to hear about what is going on in his life? 

Not that I want to be back in the marriage, but I am suffering from a lot of self doubt and thinking that maybe he was right.  I can't make it without him. 

How do any of you deal with any of the above thoughts? 

I consider myself a Christian, but the recent thoughts that I have been having are not Christian thoughts.  I think that this is the part that I am having the most problem with. 
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:10 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
mywonders
by New Member on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:45 AM
Quoting mywonders:

remember that the devil does everything and anything he can to bring you down and hurt you. The Devil is putting these ideas and thoughts in your head, just remember that he can only win if you dont fight back. What you have done is the most important thing for you and your children. Stay strong because it is hard, but you are safe and will be happier, put your faith in the LORD and he will show you the way he will take you where you need to go , its hard even as a christian because we never know what will happen with the Lord and what he's goiing to do, However thats why we need to trust him and he will take care of us.. And yes I have felt and had the same ideas before matter of fact i still have them about my highschool sweetheart (7 years ago)

moosie711
by on Jun. 28, 2007 at 1:17 AM
I am Christian as well and having difficultly with the whole divorce thing. I also have terrible thoughts of revenge and whatnot with my stbx.   Of course my stbx never thought twice about physically and emotionally abusing me so I sometimes wonder what I should feel guilty about. 
Just remember that we are all human and it is human to have these types of thoughts about the person who hurt you and made you feel less like a human being.  There is nothing wrong with having the thoughts if you gently remind yourself they aren't right.  Be easy on yourself ,eventually he and these thoughts will fade.
snowpeasmom
by on Apr. 19, 2008 at 3:24 PM
Yes I wonder, sometimes I wish I was with him, but then I wouldnt have my sweet little boy

No because he doesn't have a girlfriend, only a f*** budy

Everyone of OUR friends thinks I am in the wrong. Because I had his baby instead of having an abortion. They dont believe that he got so angry at me that he RAPED me for saying I wouldn't have an abortion. (he was really drunk when he did it but still)

I wish my ex would die or someone would believe me. I did stupid things to him while I was pregnant that now that I think about it....I would think I was crazy too if I was looking at it from his friends point a view....since they don't believe that he is abusive. (my ex is a closet abuser he never abused me in public)


Quoting singlemomof:

Have any of you ever wondered if you had acted or done things differently that things could have been different?

Do any of you envy your ex's current girlfriend/wife if things appear to be going well between them?

Do you often worry that if things go well between your ex and his new thing that people will think that you were totally in the wrong?

Do any of you wish that something bad would happen to your ex so that you would not have to hear about what is going on in his life?

Not that I want to be back in the marriage, but I am suffering from a lot of self doubt and thinking that maybe he was right. I can't make it without him.

How do any of you deal with any of the above thoughts?

I consider myself a Christian, but the recent thoughts that I have been having are not Christian thoughts. I think that this is the part that I am having the most problem with.

singlemomof
by New Member on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:01 AM

WOW!!!  It's been a while since I came on this site and more specifically to this post.  Man, have I grown since then!  

I just wanted to post that things HAVE gotten better, a LOT better!!  Everyday is better than the last -- with a few dips here and there, but nothing that I can't handle.  I am so proud that I no longer have those thoughts. I have come to realize that divorce is a kind of mourning and that we NEED to go through the 7 steps of mourning.  When I posted my original question, I was VERY much in the middle of the anger phase.  I had to go through that phase in order for me to have complete healing.  Do I still get angry, sure.  But it is far less often and is usually about a specific incident rather than having to do with my self doubt and wanting to be back with him to see if I could make it work.  I no longer envy my ex-husbands girlfriend.  In fact, I actually feel pity for her now - - I never thought that I would EVER think that!!  I know that I have grown into a much happier and productive person.  Sometimes you need to go through the crap in life to realize what is REALLY important in life.  One of the things that I realized is that the longer I stayed angry with him and the situation, the more energy and power I would give to him.  I have since taken back that energy and power and I am now giving it to me and my children. 

For those who have just read this question for the first time, it DOES get better, but you do have to work at it. Time and effort does heal all!! 

otoole
by New Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 5:24 PM

yipe but i spoke to a woman about domestic violance and was told men like that set up up to fall and so he can blame you for things, i blamed myself for a long time and feel guilty about my kids not having a dad

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)