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Brand New Start

Posted by on May. 3, 2007 at 9:11 AM
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Ok ladies, here is my first official stepmom post.

My husbands ex has sent me an email stating that she wants us all to start over and be one big happy family.   This happy family will consist of her and her husband, me and my husband, and the two boys which she and my husband had when they were married.

Now here is my problem.  She has stated this before.  At that time, although it took alot of prayer and everything in me to do, I said ok and befriended her.  She would ask for marital advice from time to time and we would chat about the boys and what we wanted to do with the children over the summer.  By the time the holidays rolled around we had been exchanging recipes and workout tips, I mean the whole nine yards.  We even exchanged Christmas gifts.

Then one day she just flipped the script.  She started acting like she had control over my house and what went on in it, she started subplanted the oldest boys with lies about his dad and wanted the boys to hate me...I fell in love with the boys when I met them at 5 and 7 years old, they are now 13 & 15. 
Then one day we got a letter in the mail for my husband to come to the dreaded FOC. 
This really hurt my husband because when they got divorced it was stated in the divorce decree that the two of them would handle that issue on their own.  Well she wanted more money, mind you she lives in a 2 income household and we have one income, so she took him to court.
She allowed her lawyer to stand up and call a man that has always provided for his children, and always been there even for her before she had a husband, the lawyer called my husband a bad father...I could have choked...Then in the summer the oldest boy tried to run away.  We found out later it was because he was angry and that his mother had been telling him that his stepdad is actually his biological dad, well you can see how this confused the child; to be told that constantly and looking at his real dad is like lookin in the mirror for him, but she continued....I must stop here because I know some of you have some other things to do...but this is just the tip of the iceberg...
So, now what would you do if suddenly the ex just came out of nowhere and said, lets just be one big family, I smell an impure motive here, please help.
by on May. 3, 2007 at 9:11 AM
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by New Member on May. 3, 2007 at 2:02 PM
I agree I would be suspcious.  I have a 4 year old step-son who's mom does drugs, has adusive boyfriends, doesn't work, and lies to Dylan all the time.  She told him that the potty was for bad little boys and it was my job to wipe his butt.  Needless to say he is not potty-trained.  I think you have to be careful what you do for the childrens sack but don't befriend her again.  She is obviously out to only help herself.  Good luck!!!
by New Member on May. 3, 2007 at 3:35 PM
Here is my you really want to be friends with someone that has seen your man naked? That has spent intimate time with him?  Probably not....therefore be cordial to each other for the sake of the children. Get along and be able to be in the same room and function for them but there is no need to be Friends....what good can come from it?  Sounds like she has nothing to loose but you do. 
Be careful...she is an evil one it seems.
by New Member on May. 3, 2007 at 4:48 PM

I am new to the "club", but I just wanted to share with you my thoughts on your deliema... My daughter is married to a guy whose intertwined families try to "be one Big Happy Family".  The children from this mixed group have suffered terribly for this fauxpaw and are still doing suffering.

The real dad and stepmom have 2 kids, along with the 3 the real mom and dad had.  They spend holidays together, birthdays, births the whole thing.  What I hear from my son-in-law is that he stayed confused and on eggshells because there was no separation of apples and oranges!  Believe me that each parent watches the interaction at all times and then will confront the kids on how much attention they paid to the "other" family. 

His two half siblings are even more confused because they didn't understand why this other mother was around all the time along with her husband, and wasn't their mom or even kin to them but was to their big brother and sister.

Then when there is a spat, the kids are put more in the middle then ever.  Having to choose one family over the other.  My grandson is 5 and is already trying to count his grandfathers!

So my suggestion is to keep your family and activities separate and always keep the kids out of the decision making.  The only thing I would work out with the "other woman", would be scheduling your separate activities so the kids can attend both.  If it comes to sports activities or recitals, etc.  Both families should attend and be social, but being part of each family... leave that honor to the kids who are soo special that they have lots of love from many people!

Remember when they get married they also will have another family to schedule holidays with.  Make it easy on the kids and always remind them that they are a part of your lives and you love them to be a part.

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